This might be a long one....
We're very lucky that our in laws live nearby and have my son (19 months) one day a week and the rest of the week he goes to nursery as we both have to work full time to pay the bills. I miss him immensely and wish i didn't have to work 5 days a week and commute but i do. It was softened by the fact that he was with his grandparents once a week and they love having him - always said it was the highlight of their week. He is close to them and i feel so grateful that he has a close relationship with them. Way back when we started talking about having a family they always said they wanted to have him/her once a week, there were ideas about him going to the local primary school which is walking distance from their house and him going back to theirs everyday for his tea. All dreams and all far off i know but my parents moved abroad when i was young so all this was important to me. I'm also an only child so this is probably where some of this unreasonableness and lack of understanding is coming from....?
Everything changed last year when my brother and sister in law + 3 grandchildren (all over 10) moved to the other end of the country (4hours away). Grandparents were distraught and slowly but surely they started dropping the days they could do so they could go up there and see them and stay there. They have a holiday cottage where they can stay. (This obviously was a bit of a pain as we've had to use up our holiday to look after him when they've not been able to) So i suppose you could say he would be better off in nursery all week. But it's just not what we wanted and nor can we afford it.
They got back from 2 weeks staying with brother in law on Sunday. My husband dropped my little boy off at his grandparents this morning as usual and they announced they wanted to move to be near them (4hours away) and would be selling up and obviously wouldn't be able to have our son anymore. Husband is upset but like most blokes probably won't say anything. Although he did say he's not surprised and he always comes last anyway and no'one in his family tells him anything so from this i take it that he clearly does care. Grandparents whole family live in the same area so they won't just be leaving us.
I've now gone from angry to upset. I never thought they'd actually go as when mentioned before they said they wouldn't because we needed them. This is true. But more than anything i'm upset for my son because like my husband he's been put last by them and he adores them. I've got to see them tonight and i don't want to (sounds pathetic i know but i don't deal with confrontation well and will probably cry) What do i do or say? Tell the truth or just let the resentment simmer?
The relationship we have with them will be so different. We don't have much spare time, husband is self employed trying to grow his business and works 6-7 days a week so we will only be able to visit them twice a year at most. We have a small cottage with not much room for visitors whereas they can go and stay with brother in law whenever they like in the holiday cottage they have. Their kids are all over 10 ours isn't yet 2 and hopefully one day we will be able to afford to have another one so i thought they'd want to be here to see them grow up and be a part of that. But i can understand that brother in law's family have more time for them as sister in law doesn't work so life is one long party - family dinners every week etc. (trying not to sound jealous but i am - i'd love to be able to look after my child myself and not work!)
So a very long rambling AIBU which isn't written very well. Can someone give me some advice without making me cry please.