People suggesting things for me to do because I'm a SAHM

[madchocolatemum48]

I am a SAHM and there are a few other mums at kids school who when I do meet them feel the need to suggest how I spend my time.
This morning
Her " What are you up to?"
Me;"Oh still renovating the house"
Her; " Maybe if you had a hobby or a little job"
Me; "Once we have finished renovating and the kids are in full time education, yes I probably will"
Her; " I don't know how you can not work, it would drive me nuts"
Me; "I do work"
Her; "Yeah, but not properly"
AIBU to want to tell them to F off.

Thing is if you work, people are equally rude- how about 'oh, I could never work full-time when my children are in primary, they need you there' said to me knowing full well I work full-time.

I try so hard not to say anything negative or judgmental to people, and always emphasise my own decisions are my own choices not the right thing to do- but some others just don't bother, it amazes me.

I think that's a perfect opportunity for the Mumsnet stock in trade phrase "gosh, did you mean that to sound so rude?"!

I'd be a crap SAHM Reading *whiteblossom's post about what she does all day just depressed me...not because it isn't important, but just because I'm pretty sure I'd hate it Filling my days washing and ironing would be my worst nightmare, I try and avoid it as much as I can now....nut sure I'd be able to find a good enough excuse if I was a SAHP

Saying that though, I was visiting a friend the other day who I hadn't seen for quite some time and we were talking about nursery fees/childcare for her son as she recently returned to work. She said to me, "I never thought I'd be the type of woman who'd want to be a SAHM but I absolutely loved being at home every day"(in relation to her Maternity Leave) so I get that even though some women think they'd hate it, there's probably no way of knowing until you do it.

One of my friends has an icy glare and says 'How rude are you?'. It's brilliant.

Fil "so what do you do to keep busy? Is dd in nursery so you can spend time with you lady friends?" [lady friends? Wtaf?]
Me "well it's more so I can do my job and my voluntary commitments"
Fil "oh you have a little job?"

Fuckers.

Some people just are fuckers.

YANBU to want to tell her to fuck off, but rising above it can make you feel much better.

I pity people like this because it seems like all they have in their life is work. You can tell this with statements like "I couldn't cope without my job/career". It shows very little imagination and makes them sound so boring.
Your renovation project sounds really interesting, far more so than living to work.
A little job, omg, that's what they used to say in the 1950's.

You could try "I don't know how you can stand working, when there's a whole world out there, do you not get bored and find nothing to talk about" I've tried this and when the person has actually realised that some people find their glorious lifestyle boring they are .

tiggytape - yes! I get this a lot. Why don't people realise how rude it is?

#I pity people like this because it seems like all they have in their life is work. You can tell this with statements like "I couldn't cope without my job/career". It shows very little imagination and makes them sound so boring.*

I don't agree with this at all - some people have jobs that are hugely important to them and play a huge part in their life and shape the kind of people they are. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that and certainly doesn't make them boring. I'd find listening to them talk about their job far more interesting than listening to someone talk about the costume they've just made for their child's school play....

Just shrug her off and ignore.
Why does rudeness about SAH have to been answered with rudeness and the inevitable comments about WOH - its just the same and just as nasty.
Rise above it !!!!!

I was going to suggest that she maybe let go of one of her cars, put off having that pool put in the back garden, not take 2 holidays a year.
Maybe go part-time so her children don't have to be in school/child minder for 8 hours a day.
That would be rude though, putting my opinions of how someone else should run their life.

I've got disabilities that mean its impossible for me to work full time, so effectively I'm a sahm. The amount of times family has suggested becoming a dinner lady or get a hobby makes it a nightmare talking to them.

Being at home to help my son with his speech and language delay and other issues is more important than being a dinner lady imo.

They're just sussing you out to see if you'd be up for providing a spot (aka huge chunk) of free childcare and/ or school runs. Noone other than this type asks like that or assumes they know what you do with your day, I've found.

I am not a SAHM out of choice. I went back to work (happily!) when DS1 was 10 months old. He stopped eating and drinking and making eye contact. When I collected him at the end of each day he was white as a sheet, shaking and sweating. So we decided that the best thing for him and for our family was for me to take voluntary redundancy from my job and stay at home. I have struggled with it - it's not an easy transition. I went from earning £50,000 pa to nothing. We have had to adjust our lifestyle accordingly. It's not how I imagined things would pan out but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I think the kind of person who barks out their uninvited opinions on your lifestyle are basically just rude/tactless people full stop.

Another time it'll be about something else - your clothes, your hair, your family, your children's shoes, your holiday choices - anything.

avoid avoid! is the best advice

writer

I'm sorry but if a person can't find anything else they'd like to do other than work, they have little imagination.
I know some people enjoy their work and it must be far better than hating it, that wasn't my point.
It is the assumption some people have that work makes you naturally interesting, whereas you can be far more interesting following your own direction in life, free from work. I know very few sahms who talk about making costumes, I tend to avoid those

Well I tried to get a "little job" was told I was over qualified back to the hoovering for me....

As a part time worker, with a house and kids and husband to look after, I do wonder what SAHMs do all day. It seems they eat toast, watch Jeremy Kyle and nap.

YANBU. Some people have to criticise anyone who hasn't made the exact same life choices as themselves. They won't change. Just ignore the silly comments and carry on as normal

've got disabilities that mean its impossible for me to work full time, so effectively I'm a sahm. The amount of times family has suggested becoming a dinner lady or get a hobby makes it a nightmare talking to them

So have I that is why i stayed at home i do have a little job now though but it is all i can mange i dont care what anybody thinks tbh

I said I was running a small family business and didn't have time to work outside the home..
The same group of mums,ran the cubs,etc, Sunday school,school trips,school activities etc etc...8 mums had 40 children between them.

Has anyone else ever been told that their part-time job is to earn 'pocket money'?

This is such a difficult subject as I have had experience of both and similar comments made to me too. When I worked full time I was told ' You are not committed to your child', when I gave up work I had people saying 'how can you be at home all day'.. etc etc. You simply cannot win. The person saying this to you was rude - I think that the answer above, smile and say your putting your family first may work.

I have found that people who have family back up to look after their children are the ones I have envied most of all, but most people I do meet are the same as me, never had this and had to muddle through on their own. Its a tough call and a subject that divides many of us. People should accept someones choice to work or not and not really make any comments either way.

OP, I don't think it's becauese youre a SAHM, I think it's because you're a woman.

It seems that whatever a woman does, the world and his wife will have an opinion on it. Add DC to the mix and we become like a reality TV show with our every move analyzed.

When I was a lawyer, people asked me if I worried about my DC (they never ever ask DH of course). When I gave it up, they asked me when I was going back.

When I became a writer, they asked when I was going to get a 'real' job, and when I took up some PT lecturing they asked why I bothered...

My advice; smile and nod ...