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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have used the disabled loo?

170 replies

HighwayRat · 17/03/2014 19:23

I went to the supermarket earlier and needed a wee, I have ms and scoliosis and have been suffering the last few days with a relapse and back pain so need the rails to lift myself on and off the loo (I use the sink and looroll holder at home so have been managing well) anyway I came out and a woman in a wheelchair was waiting she looked me up and down and said 'you know this is a disabled toilet' I said 'yes' to which she said 'well you dont look disabled' well Im not proud of it but I said 'well you dont look like a twat but here we are' and walked off.

But it got me thinking, I could have used the normal loos - I normally do but today was a bad day - it would have been a lot more awkward but I could have done. I can legitimately use the disabled toilet but should they be left for those with more urgent or obvious mobility/disabilities? How do you deal with people who assume you are fine and just taking the piss using the disabled facilities?

OP posts:
Dawndonnaagain · 18/03/2014 21:43

That's okay serenity whilst I sit in my piss ridden knickers, sore and cold, I will be happy to inform the rest of the world what a stupid, selfish, I'll informed person you are.
Dawndonna's dd.

Dawndonnaagain · 18/03/2014 21:43

Ill

JohnCusacksWife · 18/03/2014 21:46

Agreed and if the standard toilets are available I'll use them. But if they are full, or I have the kids with me then I wouldn't feel that I was doing anything wrong by using the accessible cubicle.

tshirtsuntan · 18/03/2014 21:48

mrsdevere there is a concierge service at Stratford Westfield, at the m&s end, they should know about toilets/keys etc

JohnCusacksWife · 18/03/2014 21:49

Parking in a disabled bay is not the same. When you go to the loo it takes a few minutes max - when you park up its Generally for a longer time and so youre using up a resource longer term. And in most car parks there are almost always other spaces available and so there's no earthly reason to park in a disabled space.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/03/2014 21:50

We need to change my tall 7 year olds nappy. There is no room in standard toilet cubicle.

She gets very distressed if wet and will scream and lie on floor if there's a queue.

Or undress in public.

Theres a reason not to use the disabled toilets unless you too have no choice

Dawndonnaagain · 18/03/2014 21:51

It is a myth, perpetuated by those who find it convenient (aware of the pun) that accessible toilets means accessible for all
It doesn't, it means accessible for those with disabilities.

Pumpkinpositive · 18/03/2014 21:52

Given the sheer number of people with "hidden" disabilities, she was very unreasonable. What does disabled "look" like anyway??

CrohnicallyChanging · 18/03/2014 21:54

JohnCusacksWife could you wait for a standard cubicle to become free? Because if you could, YABU to use the accessible one. YWNBU if you had a medical condition like some have described on here (kidney/bladder problems, IBS, or similar).

Likewise with the kids, is there an alternative? I remember when I was little and my mum needed the toilet, she would keep me chatting through the door or ask me to stick my foot under so she could kind of keep an eye on me. Lots of places have parent rooms now (though they might be in a different area to the other toilets). You say kids rather than kid- they should be safer outside together than on their own, so long as the eldest is old enough to talk to you. And one kid (not in a pushchair) would fit in a regular cubicle with you anyway.

Inertia · 18/03/2014 21:58

OP, if you have a need to use the accessible loo then of course it's perfectly reasonable. They are designed to be accessible to those who have disabilities or medical conditions, including (but not limited to ) people who use wheelchairs.

The woman was wrong to assume that only wheelchair users have disabilities. She was wrong to assume that all disabilities are visible.

To be honest though, a more constructive response might have been to say that you have a disability which requires the use of the accessible loo, whether she can see it or not. Her prejudices have been reinforced (rude apparently able-bodied woman uses disabled loo) rather than challenged (disability is not limited to wheelchair users).

CrohnicallyChanging · 18/03/2014 21:58

johncusackswife it doesn't matter about length of time, even a delay of a few minutes could be very distressing or have dramatic consequences. In fact, I'd say toilets are even more important than parking, because waiting in the car or driving round the block while you wait for a space is less likely to cause distress than if you are desperate for the toilet and having to wait. Besides, as you say, there are usually more parking spaces than toilets, so even if you are parked for a while, there is likely to be another free soon. Whereas with the toilet, there is often only one so if you're in it, someone would have to wait. (Not arguing for parking in disabled bays, by the way, just think it's odd that someone wouldn't dream of parking in a disabled bay but thinks it's ok to use the disabled loo!)

BuggersMuddle · 18/03/2014 22:26

OP YWNBO. I have Inflammatory Bowel Disease and have had the mumphy face for using an accessible toilet when in a flare, even when I've opened it with the radar key my doctor suggested I should get. I assume they'd rather I shit myself...

SauvignonBlanche · 19/03/2014 19:21

As others have said, accessible loos are not solely for the use of disabled people. I will use one if I fancy or if the ladies are full . Anyone who challenged me would be told, as politely as I can muster depending on my mood, that they are thick. Shock

Jesus wept! That's one one of the most ignorant posts I've seen for a while. Angry

How do people like Dawndonna's DD not spontaneously combust when they read such crap? Sad

candycoatedwaterdrops · 19/03/2014 19:36

Sauvignon I feel sorry for people like this who are so self-obsessed and ignorant that they don't stop to think about how their choices restrict other people's choices. It must be so difficult to float through life lacking complete empathy. Sad

Using an accessible toilet (pre disability) would never have occurred to me unless it was the only toilet in the building. It was just 'one of those things'.

BellaVita · 19/03/2014 19:43

You did the right thing OP.

A few weeks ago i was in a wine bar waiting for the loo, both were occupied and there were two older ladies in front of me. I commented on the lack of loos for the ladies and the woman in front agreed and then she said "ooh I forgot there is an invalid loo at the other side of the bar" she then looked around and said "it doesn't look like there are any invalids in today so it should be ok using it". I was like Shock

ProudAS · 20/03/2014 07:00

Bella - how do you know the woman didn't have difficulty holding on?

Judging people for using the accessible loos isn't on. It's a shame that someone could use them who doesn't need to and inconvenience someone who does but as previous posters have said reasons for needing the accessible loo nay not be immediately obvious. Even someone in perfect physical health may need the extra space and privacy for mental health reasons.

As for the car parking v loos issue I wouldn't say that one was more important than the other. Being unable to park in disabled space for several minutes could be very distressing to someone with severe autism for example.

ProudAS · 20/03/2014 07:00

Bella - how do you know the woman didn't have difficulty holding on?

Judging people for using the accessible loos isn't on. It's a shame that someone could use them who doesn't need to and inconvenience someone who does but as previous posters have said reasons for needing the accessible loo nay not be immediately obvious. Even someone in perfect physical health may need the extra space and privacy for mental health reasons.

As for the car parking v loos issue I wouldn't say that one was more important than the other. Being unable to park in disabled space for several minutes could be very distressing to someone with severe autism for example.

treaclesoda · 20/03/2014 07:45

My 7 year old has severe claustrophobia and is terrified of most public toilet cubicles because they are just too small, and she also is very scared of getting locked in. Trips to the toilet when we're out and about often end in hysterical sobbing. The accessible toilet would be a lot easier for us but frankly I'd be terrified to use it, because I just don't know if we'd be considered selfish arses for doing so.

Dawndonnaagain · 20/03/2014 08:17

treacle
Mum has asked me to post here. I'm 17 and I do have a disability. It seems to me that your dd does too, if claustraphobia is affecting her to that extent. I for one would be happy to make her life easier, I wouldn't question her, or you. Take her to the disabled loos and if anyone says anything just say that under the circumstances you have as much right as any other. Honestly, I'd use them, for your dds sake.
I hope she manages to cope soon. I have Asperger syndrome too and no that some things considered 'normal' by others can be damned difficult. Because of the nature of public loos, (tiles on walls and floors etc) the sound in them changes things, it distorts voices and amplifies noises, is it possible this is contributing to dds distress?

Fleta · 20/03/2014 08:27

I think there are two clear situations that need to be considered.

  1. A place where there are loos and then a separate accessible loo - anyone who uses the accessible loo without genuine reason is absolutely not doing the right thing.
  1. A place where the only loo is a single accessible cubicle - in which case this is a loo for all and is modified to make sure that all can use it. Our small local library for example has only one loo - male/female/accessible. Then, of course, anyone can use it.
treaclesoda · 20/03/2014 08:39

Dawn's DD, thanks for your kind reply.

You are spot on with your observation about the noise. DD is generally an anxious child and has always hated loud noises and echo-ey noises (eg swimming pool noise) and as for hand dryers...

Biggest problem of all for us actually is if she is out with her dad, because he can't take her to ladies toilets, obviously, and she is too big to go into the mens, but her anxiety means that she can't go to the ladies alone, her terror of getting locked in is so severe.

ProudAS · 20/03/2014 08:56

Treacle - I think your DD is quite within her rights to use accessible loo especially if out with her dad. She's too old to go in the gents with him but can't use ladies on her own due to SN - do people expect her to cross her legs till she gets home!!!!

ProudAS · 20/03/2014 08:59

Maybe going slightly off topic but can anyone think up a good response for individuals who get challenged for using disabled loos when their disability or need is not obvious. Bear in mind such people may well be on the autistic spectrum and have particular difficulty dealing with being challenged.

BerniceBroadside · 20/03/2014 10:15

Maybe a card printed with something like ' I have a disability. Not all disabilities are visible. Thank you for understanding'. I'm sure someone could come up with better wording, but you get the gist.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/03/2014 22:09

Maybe a card printed with something like ' I have a disability. Not all disabilities are visible. Thank you for understanding'. I'm sure someone could come up with better wording, but you get the gist

I have a disability,most days it's not hidden some days it is. Anybody who wants me to show them a card can fuck off to the far side of fuck

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