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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have used the disabled loo?

170 replies

HighwayRat · 17/03/2014 19:23

I went to the supermarket earlier and needed a wee, I have ms and scoliosis and have been suffering the last few days with a relapse and back pain so need the rails to lift myself on and off the loo (I use the sink and looroll holder at home so have been managing well) anyway I came out and a woman in a wheelchair was waiting she looked me up and down and said 'you know this is a disabled toilet' I said 'yes' to which she said 'well you dont look disabled' well Im not proud of it but I said 'well you dont look like a twat but here we are' and walked off.

But it got me thinking, I could have used the normal loos - I normally do but today was a bad day - it would have been a lot more awkward but I could have done. I can legitimately use the disabled toilet but should they be left for those with more urgent or obvious mobility/disabilities? How do you deal with people who assume you are fine and just taking the piss using the disabled facilities?

OP posts:

Menolly · 18/03/2014 15:52

See this is why I avoid using the disabled loos unless I'm having a really bad day, because I don't look disabled.

MrsDeVere it might be worth getting a radar key for DS so you can unlock disabled loos if you need to.

For those saying you have to take kids in with you, what's wrong with getting them to talk to you/sing to you through the door? neither of mine have ever come into the cubicle with me whilst I go to the loo.

Dawndonnaagain · 18/03/2014 16:01

MrsDV some of them have a bell next to them, ring it once and it will automatically open (someone in an office somewhere) after a few seconds.

LokiDokey · 18/03/2014 16:22

highwayRat

I have EDS and scoliosis, for the most part I function pretty well but like you some days my back is exceptionally painful and I do need a little extra help. I don't have a blue badge, nor do I feel I should have one at this stage, but I have no hesitation in using the disabled toilet on a bad day when I need to hoik myself up.
People are ignorant of disabilities they can't see.

Marylou62 · 18/03/2014 16:58

I am not classed as disabled at all but often have to use the disabled toilets if I NEED TO GO! I have had surgery after a difficult birth and whilst I can now go on a trampoline (yippee!) if I want, unfortunately when I need to go, I NEED TO GO!! I always try to be ultra quick...and no one has ever said anything. Sorry you went through this....some people are just rude. Carry on doing exactly what you need to do.

TheArticFunky · 18/03/2014 18:12

My relative stopped using her blue badge and parking in disabled spaces because of the abuse she received. The thing is she really needs her blue badge. People are so ignorant.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 18/03/2014 18:43

Last time I heard anything about MS it was considered to be a disability

So YANBU

Topseyt · 18/03/2014 19:26

OP, you were not unreasonable at all. People should be able to use the toilet in peace without having to explain their medical history when they emerge.

I have IBS and have occasionally nipped into the disabled loo if the queue for the other ones were so long that I might have had an accident if I had waited. Normally I don't have to though.

Also, when my children were babies I found round here that most of the baby changer's were at that time actually in the disabled toilets rather than in the regular one. So, that sometimes left me with little choice which loo to use. If I had a baby needing changed and a toddler also demanding the loo at the same time then we simply had no choice but to use the disabled facilities because around here that was at that time where the necessary facilities were.

I once emerged with my baby and my toddler from one such loo, and a wheelchair user had a go at me too. I told her that she ought to complain to the management about where they had chosen to put the parent and child facilities.

Sparklysilversequins · 18/03/2014 19:29

I get this about ds. He has ASD amongst other additional needs but looks fine.

I have perfected a brisk "he has autism, butt out". Or "he has autism, no need to stare!"

Shouldn't have to explain though especially as mentioning his conditions in front of him really upsets him sometimes .

chandlery · 18/03/2014 19:39

I was in Morrisons today and used the accessible loo in order to fit my small pram in with me. I'm sorry but I'm not leaving my baby on the other side of the door in supermarket loos which have the blue lighting so people can't shoot up in there.

Anyone questioning me would have been told exactly that.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 18/03/2014 19:43

I'm ignoring those who think that whinging about their difficulties with a pram is relevant on this thread BUT of course YANBU. As someone said up thread, even people with disabilities can be rude. Most disabilities are invisible, we need more awareness.

In some ways, I'm almost glad that my condition has deteriorated to the point of me needing to use a crutch because at least I don't get dirty looks using my blue badge or an accessible toilet.

chandlery · 18/03/2014 19:49

Candy - Im not whinging! I'm explaining why I use the accessible loo which is in context of the thread surely?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 18/03/2014 19:55

Really, it's not in context. The OP has a physical disability and was judged anyway. That is not the same as having a pram, not even close!

Viviennemary · 18/03/2014 19:58

She obviously didn't realise and jumped to a conclusion. Why didn't you just explain. Because obviously if you hadn't needed to use the disabled loo you wouldn't have but she wasn't to know this. And probably thought you were just being selfish.

ChocolateSnowflakes · 18/03/2014 19:58

YWNBU. That woman was a dick. I have a "hidden disability" and, like you, use the toilet roll holder at home for support. I often avoid using disabled toilets because I'm an idiot scared that people will thinking I'm taking the piss (quite literally...)

Good on you for calling her a twat. She was one.

RPopz · 18/03/2014 20:01

I think its pretty unreasonable of that woman to assume that all disabled people must "look" disabled... how the hell is she to know what issues you have, just because you're not in a wheelchair.

Your response made me lol, I would never have dared say that, only think it!

candycoatedwaterdrops · 18/03/2014 20:07

Vivienne Why should the OP explain her medical history to a stranger? Some medical problems are very personal and not everyone is comfortable discussing it.

Soditall · 18/03/2014 20:10

I'm disabled,your disabled at the moment so you using the disabled toilet was fine.

But calling the lady in a wheelchair a twat wasn't on but expect you already know that.

She most probably judged you wrongly because of the amount of self obsessed arseholes that sadly do use disabled toilets and have no real need for them.

Viviennemary · 18/03/2014 20:12

I didn't mean she should explain her problems only say well actually I do need to use this loo. She judged you wrongly but it's quite understandable under the circumstances.

ChocolateSnowflakes · 18/03/2014 20:42

I don't understand how anyone can ever know that someone is only using a disabled loo because they're a self obsessed arsehole though? If you saw a made-up woman in high heels and lipgloss using the disabled toilets, would you assume that she was only using it because she's a self-obsessed arsehole? What about a young, fit male? You can't just judge by appearance.

Serenitysutton · 18/03/2014 20:50

As others have said, accessible loos are not solely for the use of disabled people. I will use one if I fancy or if the ladies are full . Anyone who challenged me would be told, as politely as I can muster depending on my mood, that they are thick.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/03/2014 21:10

Well I think it would be a case of pot calling kettle black then, to be honest.

IceBeing · 18/03/2014 21:28

some people can honestly have no idea how selfish they sound....

I will use a disabled loo if I fancy will you??

just wow.

JohnCusacksWife · 18/03/2014 21:34

Where do people get the notion that accessible toilets are exclusively for the use of disabled people? They are simply toilets which are accessible to wheelchairs. They are available for anyone to use.

CrohnicallyChanging · 18/03/2014 21:40

Because you have a choice which toilet to use (assuming there are also non-accessible toilets around) and a disabled person might not. Therefore if you are occupying the accessible toilet you might be causing a disabled person pain from holding on, or from trying to use a standard toilet, or they could even have an accident.

Imagine you needed the toilet urgently, and were forced to wait for the only cubicle. Then the person emerged and they had been trying on clothes rather than using the facilities. Wouldn't you be annoyed and think they should have used the changing rooms instead? Because they could have done, but you couldn't.

CrohnicallyChanging · 18/03/2014 21:42

Or parking in the disabled bays in a private car park where they are not legally enforceable. You could park there, but by doing so you might deprive a disabled person of the chance to park.

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