to have used the disabled loo?

[HighwayRat]

I went to the supermarket earlier and needed a wee, I have ms and scoliosis and have been suffering the last few days with a relapse and back pain so need the rails to lift myself on and off the loo (I use the sink and looroll holder at home so have been managing well) anyway I came out and a woman in a wheelchair was waiting she looked me up and down and said 'you know this is a disabled toilet' I said 'yes' to which she said 'well you dont look disabled' well Im not proud of it but I said 'well you dont look like a twat but here we are' and walked off.

But it got me thinking, I could have used the normal loos - I normally do but today was a bad day - it would have been a lot more awkward but I could have done. I can legitimately use the disabled toilet but should they be left for those with more urgent or obvious mobility/disabilities? How do you deal with people who assume you are fine and just taking the piss using the disabled facilities?

Although tbh I think the poster who said that just flat out didn't believe me when I said that I go to places where there are only accessible toilets and no standard ones.

You were not being unreasonable, I tend to go for my medical history (oh the taxi drivers, random drivers who want my space and grumpy people I have detailed the side effects and late effects of cancer to...) but it's no ones flipping business.
I use my radar key still in train stations usually because of the stairs to the loos- I get some odd looks because I look perfectly healthy and I'm quite young but id take that every time over the agony I know I'll be in if I tackle the stairs then walk the length of the station to get to my train.
Hold your head high and use the disabled loo when you need to, maybe don't call anyone a twat if it happens again though

Often the accessible loo is the one with baby changing facilities, but I still feel bad when I have to use it.

Op yanbu, but perhaps pointing out that not all disabilities are visible night have been more useful.

Well mrsdevere you are your son's parent, so you would have been perfectly entitled to use the parent's room with him!

It does seem a shame that you had to cut your day out short because of a lack of toilets. Were there really no other accessible toilets in the area? I'm not familiar with statford Westfield, but my local Westfield has at least 2 sets of toilets, plus the family room, more public toilets in the shopping centre next door, plus various pubs, supermarkets, etc within walking distance.

But I guess anyone who thinks it's OK to use the disabled toilets when they're not should read your post and realise what happens when someone hasn't got the choice of which toilet to use and the disabled one isn't free.

YANBU I also have MS but luckily no mobility problems at the moment, what I do experience is both aspects of urge incontinence and if there is a queue for the standard toilets I have to use the disabled toilet or I will have a very embarrassing accident. I have had several people glare/tut/talk about me and a couple who have had the guts to ask me about my need to use a disabled toilet when "you look able to me" I ignore the comments as I know the truth and would rather face the wrath of a few than have an accident. All the best to you xx

Oh, I've got a question.

There is a cafe we often visit that has two loos. One marked men/women and one marked men/women/disabled. Is it ok to use the one marked men/women/disabled if you don't have a disability?

I did once have to take dc in there once as the person in the non accessible loo was taking ages and dc was getting very distressed because their 'poo was coming out, mummy'. (Typically I didn't have so much as a baby wipe with me so if there had been a pootastrophe it would have been a long and stinky walk home.)

I've never quite sure of the etiquette and don't want to do the wrong thing.

Treacle you are too nice

I know that kooth, in hindsight that would have been better it just anmoyed me so much the words were out beofre I had a chance to think about them.

treacle I don't know why they wouldn't believe you, it's not that uncommon. For example, my public library has only one toilet, therefore it's an accessible one. My GP surgery only has one toilet, again they've made it accessible.

I also hate when baby changing facilities are in the disabled toilet and end up rushing to get DD changed in case someone needs the toilet.

Ah, I see mrsdevere I expect there will be a website, you could email and ask for details of the toilets, locations, whether they are usually locked, etc.

I really do sympathise though op. My brother has ulcerative colitis and has been stopped outside a disabled loo after using his radar key to get in there. They are the only ones that are supposed to always have loo roll which is obviously very important and he can be very poorly so needs privacy and time.

He had some absolute dickhead shout at him for using it and told he should be ashamed of himself when there are disabled people who need it. Their ignorance astounds me. My poor brother was mortified. He is very shy and still quite embarrassed of his condition, so just walked away really upset.

I think its easy for people to make snap judgements, especially if they believe you're using something they're entitled too.

I put someone in their place at uni. The computer room had 4 big screen computers for students with disabilities. Trouble was, these were also the only computers that allowed MSN messenger (this was 10 years ago!) so many international students would use them presumably to contact family and friends back home. I was working away when a disabled student (I think he had cerebral palsy) and his assistant came in. She very shirtily said You do realise these computers are for students with disabilities?! and a face. I replied that I was dyslexic and benefitted from the large screen. She looked suitably embarrassed and then asked if I could move up so they could sit side by side which I did graciously of course! classic example of not recognising hidden disabilities.

OP I get why you were pissed off but if you find yourself in that position again it's worth educating the person making assumptions.

YWNBU The disabled/accessible toilets are there for people who need to use them, not only those who have an obvious physical disability.

They are disabled looks not 'wheelchair user loos'. Ywnbu!

YANBU since when did disabled only mean wheelchair-user? She is showing her lack of 'equality and diversity' awareness by her ignorant comment.

I use a Mooncup and whilst I can manage in loos with no sink by using a water bottle it's much, much easier if there is a sink in the cubicle. Unfortunately it is often the case that the disabled loo is the only one with a sink in. I know that I mustn't use the disabled loo but sometimes I really wish I could. I wish they would provide more loos with sinks in.

Op, I hope this thread has helped you to realise you were not being at all unreasonable.

The other woman was being nasty and ignorant. Disabled people are just as capable of being nasty and ignorant as non-disabled people!

Go ahead and use the accessible toilets whenever you need to!

You were not unreasonable. She was both rude as hell and extremely unreasonable.

In response to the poster asking why you'd have to take 3 children into the toilet with you- I did when I had a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a newborn. What else am I meant to do with them?!

I'm pretty sure thread is running it's usual course, but unless SM hasn't turned up yet I feel I must tell you all that there's no such thing as a "disabled toilet".

they are called accessible toilets or such.

I had the "look" once on coming out of the accessible toilet from a group. I whipped open my jacket (well my version of a whip open) where I was wearing my custom t shirt saying " I'm not drunk, I'm disabled" specially for use on bad days!

I shouldn't have to explain myself but I find it helps people not to jump to conclusions and is my type of humour for coping with my condition, so there you go.......

Suitable red faces from the group..........

I was at a comedy show and the queue at the interval for the ladies was huge. My back teeth were floating. I was soooooo bursting. I nipped into the accessible loo before I had an accident. When I came out there was a wheelchair user waiting. I apologised and told her I'd been nearly peeing my pants. She laughed and said don't worry about it. My cheeks still burn thinking about it. I'm glad she was nice. I make sure I go as soon as I need nowadays.

My friend's son doesn't look disabled and she's had abuse in the past from strangers who don't think she's entitled to use facilities when she's out and about with him.

Who are these people that think it's ok to abuse strangers out in public?

That's what I don't understand BumP what makes people actually comment? I wouldn't dream of commenting out loud about what anyone was doing.