Even if IABU, should I ignore my gut instinct in regards to a new male worker in DS's nursery?

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DH said when he collected DS1 (age 5) from nursery today there was a new male worker in his room. There has never been a male worker there before.

I know most of you will say IABU but I feel very uneasy about this. DH is indifferent.

I know only a small percent of men are abusers and I know women are capable of abusing children and have been convicted of such offences - but I would still prefer him to be looked after by females at this young age.

The vast majority of sex abusers i hear about in the news are men and, whether this is fair or not, this makes me feel slightly less trusting towards men in general this regard. For example, if DS went missing in a shopping centre and was found by someone and looked after for a few minutes I would feel more comfortable if that person happened to be a women.

I also know that children are more likely to be abused by someone they know like a family member or friend of the family rather than by someone like a nursery worker.

DS has occasional accidents in nursery when he's distracted playing with his friends and doesn't make the toilet on time - and I would be extremely unhappy to have a male worker changing his clothes etc.

I know some people think its great to have a male influence for the children rather than an all female staff but this is not important to me. DS interacts regularly with our male relatives and friends so he is not missing out in that regard. I know that is not the case for all children.

DH heard my views and feels a bit sorry for the male worker who he says is just trying to make a living. However, for me my primary concern is feeling my children are as safe as possible.

Also, my other concern is DS2 (age 1). He is in the same nursery in another room. Sometimes the staff swap between the rooms. If the new male worker was in DS2's room - I would probably switch nurseries.

I was thinking maybe about talking to the nursery manager to get some reassurances that he will just be doing classroom work rather than changing clothes etc. I imagine I might come across as a bit OTT for expressing my concerns?

I'm sure many (maybe all?) of you think IABU and irrational about this - but do you think I should ignore my gut feeling on this because it is the politically correct thing to do.

Some of the cases of abuse in child care settings have involved women

So would you not trust any setting kozmicblues

I hope nobody educates their child that "men are dangerous" or any similar ways.

Some of the attitudes on this thread are really sad. I am assuming approximately half of us have sons - how would you feel if they were stopped from persuing their career of choice because of narrow minded individuals who are assuming they must be abusive and avoided at all costs?

My son went to an outstanding nursery which employed a male nursery worker.

It's not far from a nursery where a female worker is now serving a long sentence for child abuse.

My eldest son is a teenager who is non verbal. Many of his carers at school and respite are male - & fabulous they are as well.

If a provision is well run then there will not be opportunities for abuse as there will be rigorous procedures around personal care. If there aren't & you want to indulge in paranoia then you should be worried about the men & the women (& move your child to somewhere better run)

Oh Mumsnet, you never fail to make me have a face like this ...

YABU! You've not even met the fucking guy?! How on EARTH can you have a gut feeling about someone you've not been on actual contact with?! I think you need to out the newspapers down, have a little moment of self reflection then snap the fuck out of it.

You will pass these fears on to your boys, how would you feel if another person felt the same about your boys?!

Some of the shit on this site is phenomenal, glad it's not a good representation of the world.

I wouldn't be remotely surprised if my middle son ends up working with kids - or children with disabilitirs - he's very good with them. I hope in ten years time people will have put down their pitchforks.

I think it's a bit hard to understand how you can have a gut feeling without having spoken or interacted with the poor guy at all. I think that society has conditioned us to be suspicious of any men who work with children (similar to how women who work in male dominated environments are criticised), and that isn't right.

There are 2 guys at the nursery my DD goes to - they only work in the preschool room - to avoid nappy changes (which I think is sad , but they are fantastic. The kids love them, and I think they bring something important to the room.

Try talking to him, and hopefully it will put you at ease!

I am always happy to see lads where the children attend holiday clubs. Its a good dynamic. I don't want my kids thinking only women are adequate child carers.

You sound like a sexist nut job.

What an odd post! There was a Nursery Worker convicted of paedophilia offences in recent years. She was a woman. Unless you're going to start viewing all women workers with the same suspicion YABU. Heaven help you when DC starts school. My DCs school has a lovely mixed balance of Male and Female Teachers and it has never once crossed my mind.

Some child abusers deliberately seek out jobs working with children, that is a fact, & it is still unusual to find that many men who'd want to work in a nursery - but I'm not sure I'd worry too much about it, over thinking can drive us mad can't it.

Actually, I have a spare grip for you, take it and use it.

FFSTiggaxx

Kozmic,
Recently there have been several high profile cases involving women who have abused children on the behest of peadophile men. One of these cases was a female nursery worker. You are far better protected by asking about their safeguarding and child protection procedures. In the nursery case there was something very wrong when the woman was able to get children alone for long a ough to abuse them and photograph it - I did some observation at my DS nursery (in a professional capacity, not as a parent! But it might reassure some of you to do so) and I didn't see any opportunity for a predator to abuse a child if they had wanted to, they were never alone for long enough. They did change nappies in the office but the door was always open and they had free flow of staff and children so nobody would have had the opportunity iykwim.
This nursery had a male staff member who was amazing. My DS just loved him. He had such a nice way and as a father of two young children himself he was very experienced and professional. It would not have crossed my mind that he was a peadophile, and I work in the child protection arena so I'm not clueless.

yabu sorry You haven't even met this man. What are you going to do when ds starts school there will be male teachers there anx they'll be in the changing rooms for pe etc.
My ds childminders son sometimes helps her. He is CAB checked and my ds loves him. They play football and he watches him play drums and guitar.

Paedophile, peadophile? I thought it was the first one but my iPad seems to think it's the second

Another YABU though I do see you've taken it on board. There was a young male worker at DD's nursery and the kids all adored him.

Why is it unusual?...

That is very true mumof3! Female abusers exist. A smaller percentage, but they do exist. This woman was charged on distrubuting indecent images to a male peodophile. Which is positively vulgar and makes my stomach drop - If my child had been at that nursery I don't even know what I would have done with myself. As far as I know there was no physical abuse. That is my prime fear. I know that isn't a very strong argument but I'm saying I sympathise and understand where OP is coming from. As someone who knows several people who have experinced sexual abuse and know people who work is social service roles and deal with sexual abuse cases often, I am perhaps over-cautious about this topic. My boyfriend thinks, I am a bit OTT, but I don't care. The sad facts are it does happen and I would do whatever I could to minimise the risks. I haven't looked into putting my child in nursery yet. She is one and a half. But I said to my partner I am not comfortable putting her in a nursery until she can communicate and I don't want male workers. I do feel badly for genuine male workers who are fabulous with kids. I have heard of a nursery that has cameras hooked up and you can check in on your laptop to see how your little ones are doing. That would put me at ease when the time comes, so would probably look into that. This thread isn't hepled that last night I watched an FBI case file about Jessica Lunsford which was absolutely devestating to watch. I cried and cried. This man wasn't a teacher or nursery worker. But I could not sleep after watching it. There are horrific people in this world :(

Glad to see you are thinking more deeply about this OP.

My DD had a nursery assistant who was male in her previous nursery on placement if ring his early years education degree.

He was just as good as the other carers. The kids loved him and he will make a great teacher.

I think we need a better balance in early education.

Funnily enough, I noticed a new man at my son's nursery on Friday (in a different room, so no particular reason for me to have been introduced/spoken to him). Literally the only thing that went through my mind was 'oh, that's nice'. Seems very odd to think anything else.

Skipping straight to the end:

YABVU. MissieEverdeen's post resonated, because I used to help with reading at DD's primary and I got a few funny comments from both genders.

Well, fuck 'em. Honi soit qui mal y pense. And from my Scots ancestry Nemo me impune lacessit. But what I would usually say was "go and get a mate with a hammer and say that again".

Wheres nannynick when you need him? OP YABU obviously. If your country of residence has effective methods of checking on workers then all workers in the nursery are likely to be ok. If you don't trust the system, remove your child

That woman was entrusted with the care of another persons child (well many) she abused that trust and wrecked those children's lives. What she did was just as bad as the rest and I hope she rots in hell. The OP has never even met the man but has already judged him. My sisters last midwife was a male. The midwife that looked after my son when he was a day old was male. 3 Teachers in my Primary were male. 5 Teachers in my DCs primary are male. Why is it so odd? For a man to do a 'womans job'. I thought we had moved on from the 1920s?...

there was a lovely male nursery worker at my dcs playgroup. His daughter went there too. Kids all loved him. I think its nice to have a balance.