Even if IABU, should I ignore my gut instinct in regards to a new male worker in DS's nursery?

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DH said when he collected DS1 (age 5) from nursery today there was a new male worker in his room. There has never been a male worker there before.

I know most of you will say IABU but I feel very uneasy about this. DH is indifferent.

I know only a small percent of men are abusers and I know women are capable of abusing children and have been convicted of such offences - but I would still prefer him to be looked after by females at this young age.

The vast majority of sex abusers i hear about in the news are men and, whether this is fair or not, this makes me feel slightly less trusting towards men in general this regard. For example, if DS went missing in a shopping centre and was found by someone and looked after for a few minutes I would feel more comfortable if that person happened to be a women.

I also know that children are more likely to be abused by someone they know like a family member or friend of the family rather than by someone like a nursery worker.

DS has occasional accidents in nursery when he's distracted playing with his friends and doesn't make the toilet on time - and I would be extremely unhappy to have a male worker changing his clothes etc.

I know some people think its great to have a male influence for the children rather than an all female staff but this is not important to me. DS interacts regularly with our male relatives and friends so he is not missing out in that regard. I know that is not the case for all children.

DH heard my views and feels a bit sorry for the male worker who he says is just trying to make a living. However, for me my primary concern is feeling my children are as safe as possible.

Also, my other concern is DS2 (age 1). He is in the same nursery in another room. Sometimes the staff swap between the rooms. If the new male worker was in DS2's room - I would probably switch nurseries.

I was thinking maybe about talking to the nursery manager to get some reassurances that he will just be doing classroom work rather than changing clothes etc. I imagine I might come across as a bit OTT for expressing my concerns?

I'm sure many (maybe all?) of you think IABU and irrational about this - but do you think I should ignore my gut feeling on this because it is the politically correct thing to do.

So statistically, what proportion of paedophiles are women? I'd always believed that the majority were men, so am genuinely interested to know the (statistical) facts. I would just google it myself but don't want to stumble across anything triggering for me.

boredninja, from what i can see looking at research organisations, it is estimated that up to 20% of offenses against boys and 5% against girls are carried out by women

Think the trouble with that kim would be that as male workers are less than female worked, that even a tiny number would give a higher percentage than woman even if more woman had been found guilty. If that makes sense.

I so hope there are 12 pages of YAB SO V V V U. I mean wtf. How awful. No wonder no good male role models for young boys and men when ppl with your attitude exist.

Thanks adoptmama. So it is still the case, statistically at least, that the majority of abusers are men. That's not to downplay the fact that women are capable of it too.

I agree with pp that it's the safeguarding policy in general that is important, not the gender of the nursery worker.

To add to my earlier post, at family gatherings there is a standing joke that if I'm wanted for any reason they just follow the sound of children laughing and shouting. They're usually to be found sitting in a semi circle with me in the middle. Children love me for some reason, and I put that partly down to my first job.

Op, yabu. Men are just as capable of looking after children as women are. I work in childcare and one of the best nursery nurses I have worked with was a man. The children loved him and he was well liked by parents too. I wouldn't be concerned by his presence in my dc nursery, but I would be concerned about you if I was the owner of the nursery and you came to me with these views. He will no doubt be crb'd and trained to do his job.

Does your DH change his child's nappy/clothes? And you are happy about that? You see, not all men are waiting for a chance to pounce on societies most vulnerable. Some of the male nursery workers may even be fathers, shock, horror, they are normal people just like our DHs, doing a job, they enjoy, unfortunately having to put up with outdated views held by people like you.

OP... You're being completely unreasonable and ridiculous. Whatever thought popped into your head should have stayed there and never been voiced, not unless you really wanted to come across as some kind of bigot.

I haven't read all of the posts on this thread but I'm sure somebody has posted asking you to swap the word 'male' for any other like 'gay' or 'black' or 'female' to illustrate the point.

How would you feel if somebody felt uneasy about your status as a parent just because you were a woman? Equally stupid - and equally invalid as your opinion.

I feel very sorry for anybody, of either gender, who has to deal with parents who think as you do. Completely unfair.

I feel sorry for your ds to be honest op as obviously he will only be allowed to take in a profession that suits you and his sex

do you think males should be doctors and females nurses?

your attitude is so old fashioned it's laughable.

if you mention it to nursery they will think you are mad and possibly ask you to find another nursery.

At what age will the OP's son move from potentional victim to potential abuser in her eyes?

And will they ever get to go on class trips or birthday parties incase men are there?

My DS has attended a nursery for the last year and a bit (aged from 18 months to 3) where he was looked after by some great carers of different ages and different origins from around the world - a couple of which also happened to be male.

His last key worker was a man who absolutely adored my DS and was adored by DS in return. It never once occurred to me to be worried about this male carer changing my son's nappies, helping him with potty training, comforting him when he cried and all of the other responsibilities that you entrust nursery workers with when you leave your children in their care.

I was really happy knowing that DS had different influences and people to learn from in his life and was not being taught that only women look after children.

YAB So U if you just once doubt a nursery worker simply because they are not a woman. Just as you would be if they were not of the same race as you, or religion etc.

have you wanted to see all the womens credentials and qualifications I guess not why cant men look after children why are the majority of men in your eyes abusers yes men abuse children but so do women the last time a nursery was involved in this sort of thing it was a women or 2 in a uk preschool , leave the poor man alone

what happens when your children go to school they might be male teachers caring for them

it isnt a gut feeling it is paranoia you have deal with that

Wow Op, you've not even met the bloke yet you've already got him hung drawn and quartered.

You remind me of all the pearl clutching mothers at my ds3s school attached nursery who were frantic because a young gay male worker had started. A few even removed their children because of this. Luckily the school were on top of it all and the man has been there for nearly two years now. He is amazing with the children.

Do those opposed to male nursery workers also feel the same about male midwives? Not the same line of work, but still doing a job that is predominantly female.

We have a male nursery nurse at the nursery my dd goes to. When we had a look around prior to dd starting I was a little surprised to see him working there, I didn't think anything else about it after that.

He is amazing, and brilliant with the children. He ended up being dds key worker. I was more than happy with that, and was great with dd

Pleased that the majority view is that you are being vvunreasonable.

My eldest son babysit and ds2 is fab with little children, everyone always comments on how good He is with them.

At what point will they suddenly become something to be feared?!! Op what about your own sons, what if they grow up and want to work with children?

So depressing,my own dp works with children and with four boys myself it's horrifying to think people have these kinds of shitty attitudes and see all men as a threat.

my dss babysat too for local kids when they were teens I was a cm too and they were lovely with the mindees. they were also CRB checked as over 16.

I would have been beyond livid to hear views about them from ignorant idiots like this op. you need to get a huge grip..

Sorry but you sound nuts. Your children are presumably cared for by their father who I take it is a man?? They will have male teachers, sports coaches,doctors etc etc

Well, would anybody be claiming that mom should ignore her gut instinct if the nursery worker was a woman?

Come to find out, every time I hear about a nurse sexually assaulting a patient, it's always a male nurse.

But it's not a gut instinct peggy

She's not met him!!!!