Even if IABU, should I ignore my gut instinct in regards to a new male worker in DS's nursery?

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DH said when he collected DS1 (age 5) from nursery today there was a new male worker in his room. There has never been a male worker there before.

I know most of you will say IABU but I feel very uneasy about this. DH is indifferent.

I know only a small percent of men are abusers and I know women are capable of abusing children and have been convicted of such offences - but I would still prefer him to be looked after by females at this young age.

The vast majority of sex abusers i hear about in the news are men and, whether this is fair or not, this makes me feel slightly less trusting towards men in general this regard. For example, if DS went missing in a shopping centre and was found by someone and looked after for a few minutes I would feel more comfortable if that person happened to be a women.

I also know that children are more likely to be abused by someone they know like a family member or friend of the family rather than by someone like a nursery worker.

DS has occasional accidents in nursery when he's distracted playing with his friends and doesn't make the toilet on time - and I would be extremely unhappy to have a male worker changing his clothes etc.

I know some people think its great to have a male influence for the children rather than an all female staff but this is not important to me. DS interacts regularly with our male relatives and friends so he is not missing out in that regard. I know that is not the case for all children.

DH heard my views and feels a bit sorry for the male worker who he says is just trying to make a living. However, for me my primary concern is feeling my children are as safe as possible.

Also, my other concern is DS2 (age 1). He is in the same nursery in another room. Sometimes the staff swap between the rooms. If the new male worker was in DS2's room - I would probably switch nurseries.

I was thinking maybe about talking to the nursery manager to get some reassurances that he will just be doing classroom work rather than changing clothes etc. I imagine I might come across as a bit OTT for expressing my concerns?

I'm sure many (maybe all?) of you think IABU and irrational about this - but do you think I should ignore my gut feeling on this because it is the politically correct thing to do.

I've heard people say the same about a gay male colleague. They 'wouldn't want their sons' taught by him.

Because, you know, being gay means being attracted to children.

Can't be arsed doing an advanced search but assume it's a new poster?

Why would their sons be in more danger from a gay teacher than they would from a Female teacher who wasn't gay?

God people are idiots.

A good teacher is a good teacher regardless of gender or sexuality. As is a bad one!

On a wider/societal level, I think our children should learn that their gender shouldn't define their aspirations and so I want my DD to see men and women working across whatever role they want to. Whether that's a man in childcare, or a woman on on oil rig/under a car bonnet/managing a company in a traditionally male industry.

On an individual level, I want my child to be cared for by someone who is well suited for the role - who is empathetic, caring, fun, stimulating, entertaining and who wants to be in that line of work. I'm fortunate - her dad meets that description and so she spends her days predominantly with him while I work outside of the home. She's also been to nursery - I got a call once to pick her up as she wasn't feeling well and arrived to find her cuddled in to the male nursery nurse who at she clearly adored and who was able to meet her emotional and physical needs very adequately. This was before DH got in to childcare, and I couldn't have cared less that her nursery nurse was male. I noticed it, but only because it's still relatively unusual.

Giles if only people really all believed that.

How do people find out anyway?

I mean I have no idea about any part of any of my dds teachers lives. The only thing we ever found out was if one had a baby.

As for any of the others I have no idea who they go home to and it's none of my business.

OP, are you usually this sexist?

I don't understand why posters like the OP and ohdaddypig, would be fine with a male nurse or doctor treating their child yet not a male childcare worker. That doesn't make sense.

My. 8 and 10yr boys use the men's toilets by themselves when we're out and they get changed in the men's changing rooms at the gym for swimming and tennis. They are not always together either. Statistically there is probably more risk in public toilets and changing rooms because the majority of men using them will not be crb checked but that risk is so minimal that we can't life our lives around it nor scare the shit out if our kids by talking about it constantly. I also think that statistically they have more chance of running out if the gym afterwards and being hit by a car but I don't let that fear take over my rational thoughts either.

You haven't even met the guy. Are you going to have 'gut feelings' about his male football coach, male swimming teacher, male Tenth garde Biology teacher? How would you feel if your friends told you they had 'gut feelings' about him being a paedophile too? Are you looking forward to supporting a future where your son is assumed to be a paedophile if he enters teaching?

Gut feelings are based on at least some evidence. You have not evidence, OP, you have prejudice.

My gut feeling is that anyone who uses the term "politically correct" in a first post is out to cause a ruckus or is doing a bit of research

Tabu.

OP

Just for a moment imagine you intend to abuse a child.

Where are you going to go? Are you going to go into an environment where your background is checked and you are never alone with a child?

Haven't read the whole thread so apologies but...this makes my blood boil.

Ds 16 months has a male nursery nurse where she goes and I am delighted to have both male and female workers around her. Mentioned it in passing to another mum who made a similar comment/assumption as youOP. What a ridiculous thing to say to assume any man who wants to work with children is an abuser. Hope you don't raise your kids with these prejudices!

People like the OP is exactly why my brother decided against a career caring for children.

Even as a child himself, he loved looking after younger kids and would babysit around our street for pocket money.

But even then, 20+ years ago, people had begun to take against the idea that a MAN could look after kids.

I do wish there were more males in nurseries, primary schools, etc, we do need more male role models of caring men for the children.

Sadly, attitudes like the OP's does make me think it'll be a long while yet.

Yabu.
it's people like you op who make it impossible for my lovely male friend to have and stick at a job as a primary school teacher. He has had SO many mothers say they are uncomfortable having him look after kids and the reactions he gets has to be seen to be believed.
So much so he's now teaching abroad.
It's a shame
He's a lovely guy who had to relocate his family from people wanting him out of a job for sheer sex discrimination.

I don't think people saying things like 'well there's a male member of staff at my nursery and he's great' is that useful. You aren't dealing with a rational person here and anecdotes aren't going to change the OPs sexism.
Gut feelings are indeed useful, but only when you've actually met the person. This poor staff member will have been trained, got qualifications, criminal record checks and that still isn't good enough for this mother (OF MALE CHiLDREN!).

YABVU. You have not even met this man. How would you feel if your sons wanted to work with children when they grow up and had to deal with judgements like this? Your attitude to men is much more damaging to them than a male nursery worker.

A friend of mine has 2 sons who have gone into childcare profession. ..everyday they face parents like you...who think they are only in that profession because they are attracted to the children or want to do something awful to them

what the parents fail to see is that they are both phenomenal with children...kids love them, they are brilliant at what they do and are the kindest, most caring and fun young adults ive ever had the pleasure of knowing and we so need more people like them in childcare.

Its a crying shame that people like you feel you have the right to automatically think something that, if you falsely accused someone of, could ruin their career and their life

I think that it is terribly sad. We need more men in the care and education of the early years and yet we will never get them with attitudes like this.

As Even says we aren't hearing rational concerns here though...

OP, what you have is not "gut instinct". It is prejudice, pure and simple.

As a mother of 2 boys you should be utterly ashamed of yourself OP.

Not read all the way through but glad 99% of the thread disagrees with you.

I would not want a man, other than her father, taking my 3 year old daughter to the toilet, wiping her genitals

So Daddypig would you let a woman do this? If so whats the difference?

Get a grip op and then go and get help for your ridiculous ideas. They are offensive.