to ask you all for advice on how to prepare for a VIP social meeting?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

I'm WIBBLE. (not just metaphoriacl)

I'm due to go to an event with some QuiteREspectableMovers&Shakers in a couple of weeks.

I'm WAY out of my comfort zone. [glup]

I've heard they're a bit drinky, so that might help.

How to present myself? Hair, naice clothes, scarf (obvis) and knuckles waxed.

Any tactics for breaking the ice? I'll try to avoid falling up the stairs or spilling something.

Oh and I have hostess gift angst? I normally take a swede if I can't think of anything else, but I'm getting tired of veg.

Please help?

I really don;t want to think of them in their underwear. Okay?

How about a comedic parsnip or turnip?

Just be yourself and I'm sure you'll be fine.

don't go if it's that stressful

I think if you take a swede you won't need to worry about breaking the ice.

Maybe bring a turnip?

I have some Norwegian Goats Cheese (but you would need to take me with you)

Pom Bear anyone?

x post, with everybody and their turnip.

Gen up on current affairs.
Pay compliments, admire their jewelry or art or car?
Ask for advice or opinions on wine/share dealing/stain removal.
Do something crafty with an artichoke.

yes take Pom Bears, a bottle of Blue Nun and a penis beaker - that'll help

Do you think Pom Bears might be a bit obvis?

BUt I loike the turnip lurve.

Unless you're channeling Baldrick I don't think root veg will really cut the mustard. Not even if you carve obscene interesting artifacts out of.

Serious question, is the meet in a private (home?) or public space? That makes a difference.

Present self with good hairdo, heels, perfume and lippy + clothes (Obv) and engage persons by asking questions and listening to answers without staring into distance over their shoulders no matter how deathly boring they are HTH

Nothing says professional like a gimp mask and a lasso

Particularly if it's a bunch of Tory MP's

Oh yes. Gimp mask is a must. As is channelling Baldrick.

Just ask them about their cats. You can't go wrong. I speak from my experience of hanging out with QuiteRespectableMovers&Shakers.

A can of Moose soup would make for thoughtful and unusual hostess gift.

It has rather more class than your usual swede. Do not downgrade to celeriac, truly the world ugliest vegetable.

Take broccoli, it's a bit more bouquety

Or a good sized cauliflower.

Did I hear my name being taken in vain?
Take me Chaos - tie a ribbon round me, and I will smile, and not fart, and all my tattoos are spelled right apart from the one little bobble on the Arabic one so I won't disgrace myself you at all ...
When you say "social event" what do you mean? Dinner in someone's home? Dinner out somewhere posh? Canapes and nibbles and champers at a gallery opening? What we need to know!
I am dying to know how the other half live and to be there vicariously through you, so tell all, do...
What will you wear? Are they all going to be vair poshe or just rich? Once you get past your first million, being bonkers becomes "delightfully eccentric" so maybe you can just bull through and carry it off (orf?) by wearing green wellies and a waxed jacket and whenever silence falls, give a cut glarse HA! and say "Well!!!!!"

I'm also loiking the Turnip lurve. Take me take me take meeeeeee.

Is The Event in the house of VIP, or another neutral venue?

If it is at a house, then a simple flower/booze/posh choc gift would be appropriate. Avoid the Asda SmartPrice Wine-Style Alcoholic Beveragette in the litre plastic bottle, or the Everything Must Go knock-down forecourt bouquet. But I know you know that - I'm just pulling your plonker.

Employ word-association methods to remember as many names as possible:

Mandy is Bandy

Peter is Beardy (Beardsley)

Brenda looks like a butternut squash

and so on.

I always start on the innocuous questions (have you known Host long? Isn't this a beautiful room - have you seen the lovely view of the gasworks?) before moving onto the more challenging (did you know Host had done 10 with early parole for GBH? You'd never have guessed, would you?). People like a bit of mild inoffensive self-effacing humour on the whole; it seems to break the ice.

I'm not a drinker, so I can often sit back and enjoy the spectacle of Mrs Perfect-Coiff getting completely ring-bolted and flirting with Mr Terrified Young No-Beard-Yet, who is backing himself up the wall. Definitely avoid getting shit-faced and alternate drinks with water - if there are waiting staff topping up glasses every few nano-seconds, it is a recipe for disaster.

Don't forget to send a gushing cardlet of thanks afterwards. Even if you had staggered outside and blew chunks in the Koi carp, followed by a turn around the croquet lawn on the ride-on mower, they might just forgive you.

Someone upthread mentioned a can of moose soup. I was able to buy a tin of Aldi haggis in January. You could try taking that as a gift but you'll also need to take gravy because, however delicious, it was a bit dry. Don't let them see the ingredients list on the tin though.

SometimesLonely - I love the idea of turning up with gravy. The very thought of the host's face as he/she grasped for comments of gratitude would be worth it alone.

Is there going to be food involved? If so you need to strategise depending on the type

I say this from experience having attended an event with canapé type things which included mini club sandwiches. Which are impossible to eat gracefully, discovered as I pinged one across the room to land at an Ambassador's feet

If you are lucky, there just might be a towering pyramid of Ferrero Rocher being passed around by a white-gloved footman.

Don't forget to congratulate the host on this - and inform him that he is really spoiling you.

Was about to post serious advice but then RTFT and it appears to be some kind of clique/in-joke thread. Could someone perhaps clarify? :)