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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let dh look at sil wedding photos?

143 replies

Edenviolet · 15/03/2014 13:01

Dh sister got married recently. Today mil gave us the photo book to look at but...

I have always had a huge phobia of having my picture taken, even as a child I hated it and I always avoid it. I hate how I look and especially how I look in photos.
A the wedding I avoided all except one picture and even then sil had to beg me to be in it. Obviously being nervous it wasn't a good photo and its in the book.
I had a look before dh and I just can't let him see it. I'm embarrassed enough having seen it myself. One wrong comment from him or laugh in a jokey way and it'll destroy me. I hate the way I look that much.

He asked to see them and I said no and I've hidden the book. I feel horrible. Maybe I should cover that page and sit with him so he can see the rest as dcs look lovely? I feel completely mad and really unhappy Sad

OP posts:
StarGazeyPond · 15/03/2014 13:03

I'm sorry but I don't understand how he can look at you daily, yet he can't look at a photo of you?

Flossyfloof · 15/03/2014 13:03

He loves you. Let him see. I bet you are beautiful.

ENormaSnob · 15/03/2014 13:04

Can you not just remove the pic of you?

yabvu

MyNameIsKenAdams · 15/03/2014 13:05

Yabu.

in fact, im going to stay stop being so bloody dramatic.

sallyst123 · 15/03/2014 13:05

i totally sympathise. i have the exact same issues with me & photos. let him look this evening while your having a nice glass of wine i bet he wont even notice the thing that you do.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/03/2014 13:05

You need help. Please get some.

Unless you're actually an alien you will just be your average human.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 15/03/2014 13:06

I think as I'm nervous of having my photo taken that it really comes across and I look awkward. Also the photographer also managed to take the picture as I was blinking so I also have my eyes closed and I look hideous. I am close to tears over it and having a knot of panic in my stomach.

I don't know what it is that makes me like is I just hate how I look. Every evening after I've put a to bed I go downstairs but can't have the main light on just a lamp as don't want dh to see how rubbish I look, I can't even sit further forward on our corner sofa than him as I feel like he's looking at me. I am mad.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 15/03/2014 13:07

Unless you're actually an alien you will just be your average human.

^ This. i bet you look great.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 15/03/2014 13:07

No can't remove it, its a hardback sort of photo book not actual photos you can take out they are printed on.

OP posts:
MyNameIsKenAdams · 15/03/2014 13:08

I think you might (seriously) benefit from some counselling.

noblegiraffe · 15/03/2014 13:09

Leave the book where he can find it, leave the house. Let him see the photos of his children, you don't need to be there.

And get some CBT or similar to address your phobia.

CrapBag · 15/03/2014 13:10

Sorry but YABU. Its his sister, of course he should see her wedding pictures. He obviously doesn't think you are hideous because he married you. You really do need to get a grip.

Having my photo taken is not one of my favourite pass times and I hate the ones where you have your eyes half closed etc but that's they beauty of digital cameras, take loads and delete the crap.

I'd hate for my DCs to grow up and have no photos of us together when they were babies and growing up. How sad.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 15/03/2014 13:11

Counselling won't help, not being me would.

I remember as a very unhappy 13 year old being told by DM "however bad things get, don't run away or I will put this hideous picture in all the papers" whilst holding up my year 7 photo which was actually really horrible and I was mortified. After that things just got worse and every now and then that photo still comes out "for a laugh"

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 15/03/2014 13:11

I'm sorry you feel like this - it must be very difficult for you, does your Dh understand that you feel this way?

Could you possibly sit down with him and say you really don;t want him to look at the one withyou in it, and then look at the others with him? - I don't think you can really deny him the chance to see the photos of his sister's wedding, that wouldn't be fair to him or his sister.

Have you spoken to your GP about the way you feel? - there is help out there for phobias, and problems such as you describe. I hope you can get some help because the avoidance of having your picture taken is making you as unhappy as having your picture taken, and something could be done to help you feel better about it all.

You're not mad - don't think for a minute that you are, but you could be suffering from depression - I'm not a doctor so I don;t know, but I have suffered with depression and sometimes it took the form of making me very unhappy about my appearance, and I never wanted photos taken either. But you do need to talk it over with someone qualified.

RedHelenB · 15/03/2014 13:12

It's his sister - its not up to you to let him see the photos!

Original poster
Edenviolet · 15/03/2014 13:13

Dh understands, he saw how upset I was and he said it was fine. I feel so guilty though. I could put a post it note over me in the picture and let him look at the book.

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 15/03/2014 13:13

Yabu, and a tad over dramatic. He will see it at some point. I'm sure he's seen you at your best and worst. Also how will you stop your mil showing other people?

TwixTime · 15/03/2014 13:14

He was there with you and seen the best and worst of you all day- he's already seen the photo in real life!

I too hate seeing my photos and shared this with a friend and she said 'my nan says people that say they take bad photos think they are better looking than they really are' haha that shut me up and is probably true

Be kinder to yourself and let him see the photos he won't even be focussing on you it was his sisters wedding so relax

Original poster
Edenviolet · 15/03/2014 13:15

Its not too bad if mil shows it to people as I don't know them and I wouldn't be there and tbh they will be looking at sil. Its just I know dh will look at pictures of dcs and the one with all of us in.

OP posts:
copafeel · 15/03/2014 13:15

You need help, it's a mental issue nothing to do with how you look.

AllThatGlistens · 15/03/2014 13:15

You can ask him not to look at the photo of you, I'm sure he's probably well aware that its an issue for you, and that's fair enough.

to try to stop him from viewing the rest of his sisters wedding album is completely out of order though. You simply can't do that.

mercibucket · 15/03/2014 13:16

why wouldnt counselling help? why not try.

eurochick · 15/03/2014 13:16

Counselling won't help, not being me would.

I remember as a very unhappy 13 year old being told by DM "however bad things get, don't run away or I will put this hideous picture in all the papers" whilst holding up my year 7 photo which was actually really horrible and I was mortified. After that things just got worse and every now and then that photo still comes out "for a laugh"

-----

Your second paragraph shows exactly why counselling would help.

You are being very silly in not letting your husband see his own sister's wedding album!

CoffeeTea103 · 15/03/2014 13:16

So you have never taken a picture with your own kids? How sad for your children.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 15/03/2014 13:17

I'm just not sure that counselling would make a difference after all this time. I'm 32 and have felt this way since I was 11 or 12

OP posts: