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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not let dh look at sil wedding photos?

143 replies

Edenviolet · 15/03/2014 13:01

Dh sister got married recently. Today mil gave us the photo book to look at but...

I have always had a huge phobia of having my picture taken, even as a child I hated it and I always avoid it. I hate how I look and especially how I look in photos.
A the wedding I avoided all except one picture and even then sil had to beg me to be in it. Obviously being nervous it wasn't a good photo and its in the book.
I had a look before dh and I just can't let him see it. I'm embarrassed enough having seen it myself. One wrong comment from him or laugh in a jokey way and it'll destroy me. I hate the way I look that much.

He asked to see them and I said no and I've hidden the book. I feel horrible. Maybe I should cover that page and sit with him so he can see the rest as dcs look lovely? I feel completely mad and really unhappy Sad

OP posts:
Valdeeves · 15/03/2014 14:21

Hedgehog - life is too short to feel like this. There is a system out there devoted to helping people like you - go to the doctor, you can get counselling or meds to help with your anxiety. Please find a way to help yourself - this will impact on your kids if that motivates you.
Life doesn't have to be this way - you can be happier. But you have to do something about it.

CrapBag · 15/03/2014 14:30

"I know this is far from normal and I hate feeling this way."

You are right and this means you need to seek help.

Sorry but feeling this way since the age of 12 does not mean that you can't deal with it in your 30's.

I have felt a certain way about myself since my 'mother' abandoned me as a 4 year old. Literally moved away without saying anything whilst I was at my nans. I have many issues because of this (and not liking myself is one of them).

However I know that I need professional help to deal with it so I am having counselling. I have had it before but it was never for very long so it was never dealt with properly. I have now reached the age where I am fed up of feeling worthless so I am doing something about it.

And do you know what, it really really helps. And I mean it really does. My counsellor is fantastic and knows exactly what to say to make me understand things.

I have carried it with me for 28 years from her leaving and the first 4 years of an abusive life. You need to face up to it and not bury your head in the sand hoping it will go away. It won't. It is ruling your life if you can't even be a bridesmaid for your sister.

Oh and your mum is a cow! What a horrible thing to say and you should destroy that photo just so she can't still laugh about it to this day. What kind of mother would do that to her child who is clearly distressed about it.

Also your DH does know that a (possibly) dodgy photo with your eyes half shut isn't how you really look. If you are that uncomfortable then cover you in the photo with something then let him look at the rest. You can't allow him not to see any photos of his sisters wedding because this rules your life.

GimmeDaBoobehz · 15/03/2014 14:36

I'm not trying to be rude but you really need to seek help here.

You say it's not the picture, it's being you.

That's some real self hate you have going on there and it needs to be addressed.

Do you want your DCs to feel the same because they see how self conscious Mummy is?

Because children do pick up on these things very easily.

I'm sorry that your Mum has been really horrible to you in the past. Perhaps that's what you need to talk about to someone - why you feel so bad about yourself.

Because I bet if I saw a picture of you I'd at the very worst think you looked normal!

I don't like having my picture taken. I'm visually impaired and my eyes are funny and I'm fat so I'd try having that to look at in the mirror. But I'm a good person so there is no reason why I should dislike myself.

I hope you get some help that you need. Remember you husband chose to marry you so he obviously thinks you are beautiful.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 15/03/2014 14:36

Your dh doesn't want to look at the picture of you to upsett you he wants to enjoy reliving his sisters wedding. I am sure if you mark the page he can agree to skip it. Yabu to hide the album. I understand you have deeper issues you need to work through but you need to take responsibility for helping yourself. It's not all about you.

LittleBearPad · 15/03/2014 14:40

I think today you need to pop a post it on the photo of you and then let DH have a look at his sis' wedding.

Then I think you need counselling. You know it isn't right to feel this way so what do you have to lose by trying to deal with it. I hope it gets better for you.

AramintaDeWinter · 15/03/2014 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverOldie · 15/03/2014 15:04

I've always been phobic having my photograph taken and will do practically anything to avoid it but YABU. Let your DH look at the album

MusicalEndorphins · 15/03/2014 17:06

You do need help.

This (wedding album) isn't about you.
If my brothers wife hid my wedding album from him, I would be none to pleased.

Sallystyle · 15/03/2014 17:15

I have a phobia of having my photo taken too.

I need to have one took for work next week and I already feel awful about it.

I have two wedding photos of me, and a couple of others ones that I weeded out of thousands.

Strangely enough I don't mind looking at myself in a small mirror all that much but I can't have any full length mirrors in the house as I can't bear to see all of myself. My mum has a massive mirror in her hallway and I walk past it with my eyes closed.

When I die there will be very few photos of me and the kids.

Littlefish · 15/03/2014 17:28

hedgehog - I've read a few of your threads on here and really think that you would benefit from some counselling, not only about this particular issue but because you have so much on your plate too.

In every other thread of yours that I've read, people have tried to support you and offer you help or advice, but you manage to find reason after reason why what they've suggested either isn't possible or isn't reasonable.

Please try and find the strength to seek help in real life.

BOFtastic · 15/03/2014 19:06

I remember reading this amazing blog post on this very topic once, and it really resonated with me- please, anybody who feels a bit like the OP about being photographed, do read it.

myroomisatip · 15/03/2014 19:30

I sympathise... I wont even put my picture on FB!

But I really believe that counselling will help.

I also have a phobia about having my hair cut. Every time I came back from the hairdressers my Ex would give me a funny look and never ever compliment me or comment on my hair. Even something as subtle as that affected me, heaven only knows how I would have coped if it had been insulting.

I dont consider my body to be me, I look upon it as a vehicle to carry me through life. Okay so others might have better models but I am comfortable in mine :)

myroomisatip · 15/03/2014 19:31

Well that is a bit contradictory! I am mainly comfortable though, more than I used to be :)

ilovesooty · 15/03/2014 19:39

I remember as a very unhappy 13 year old being told by DM "however bad things get, don't run away or I will put this hideous picture in all the papers" whilst holding up my year 7 photo which was actually really horrible and I was mortified. After that things just got worse and every now and then that photo still comes out "for a laugh"

Honestly - there is specialist trauma therapy out there to help you to deal with this. Ask your GP for a referral.

crossparsley · 16/03/2014 20:27

Hi hedgehog, please remember that this is just the way you feel, not what you are - I know you know this, but it's hard to keep hold of and really believe. 32 is absolutely not too late to start to change things. I had a horrible, poisonous self-image (long story, some of it's in the Stately Homes threads) and I once left a lovely friend's wedding party early because I had a meltdown over photos being taken. I am sorry about that now, but at the time it was the only way to avoid cracking up completely in public. I first felt OK - just OK, just now and again - about what I looked like at around 36. I've had some wobbles and some tearful moments since but they have got less frequent, and at 45 I feel better about mirrors and photos and just being seen than I have since I was six. You can get over it. For me, there was some real-life trauma putting my face into perspective, and a lot of therapy, but also realising that the people who like you, and love you, can really see you - your idea of what they see is all wrong. I promise.

LookingThroughTheFog · 16/03/2014 20:37

OP, on the counselling; I'm 37 and am coming to the end of a long series of therapy sessions to fix things that have been ingrained in me since I was 4 or 5. That's sort of what therapy is for; for long, deep-seated problems. If it was for just things that happened yesterday, everyone would need it.

Please do see someone.

JumbledAndTumbled · 16/03/2014 21:14

Sorry if this has been suggested but do you have a phone. With a camera? What happens if you take snaps of yourself that you can instantly delete. Selfies are in you know Smile Might it help with you feeling a little more comfortable with photos of yourself?

I always read your threads, you have so much going on with your kids and DM, it must be very difficult for you.

DoJo · 16/03/2014 21:54

I hate having my photo taken, not the same extent that you do but I ALWAYS look appalling in photos, although I do have a few coping mechanisms which might just help:

Pay attention to how you look at photos of your friends and loved ones. Do you search for flaws, or do you look more at the scene and the setting and notice the emotions or relationships involved? I do, and I realised that I couldn't have told you how x had their hair or what y was wearing when looking at most photos, as that isn't as important as whether they look like they're having fun, or deeply in love, or about to wet themselves laughing.

Be aware that everybody is looking at themselves in photos - if you are in a photo, you are going to look at yourself about 8000 times more than anyone else will. People will look at themselves with the same critical eye that you use (although not as critical for most other people) for yourself, but they won't look at you like that.

The last thing I find helps me to get my slight photo phobia into perspective is that I find that you draw much more attention to what you look like by making a fuss. Insisting that nobody takes any photos, moaning about photos and pointing out all your flaws is a sure-fire way to make people scrutinise your appearance even if they don't mean to - if it helps to think of it like that, then reminding yourself that you are giving people a reason to check the photo for flaws etc by making it the focus of their attention as much as it is yours.

I know that these are simplistic, and your phobia seems a lot more serious than I would imagine can be cured by thinking positively, but if any of the above even begins to sound logical or even vaguely makes sense to you on any level then I'm glad to have helped.

I hope you have some success seeking support for dealing with this - it is obviously having a detrimental effect on your life as well as those of your family and friends.

TheBody · 16/03/2014 22:02

your mum sounds a bully. you need help to deal with this. go and chat to your GP. this isn't about a photo you are just focusing in that if course but this is a deeper issue. go with your dh to see the GP but get help op or this will impact on your marriage/life/children and no one deserves that.

RunLikeSomeFeckersChasing · 16/03/2014 22:09

Hey hedge - incurable lurker here. I was thinking of you today hoping things had eased out. Your posts reasonate with me and I think you are an incredibly strong, determined and pretty amazing person.

I suffer from low level social anxiety and depression. Only way I can have my pic taken is to take my glasses off. I'm thankfully rather shortsighted and somehow I feel less there and more relaxed. Glasses on - stick up ass expression. Glasses off - natural. Know that's no help but I really wish you well.

RunLikeSomeFeckersChasing · 16/03/2014 22:11

And your mum is a toxic old bitch. Sorry if that's harsh or upsets you but it's also true.

Redcliff · 16/03/2014 22:48

Hedgehog - my heart goes out to you. You DP sounds lovely . I had some help with something that happened when I was 11 when I was 41 - please go and see your GP or if you can afford go private.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 17/03/2014 00:36

Hedgehog I think it must be really really tough having to live like this. On top of everything else you're going through, it just sounds so hard.

I would definitely look into councelling, I suspect that you're adamant it won't help because of how big an issue it seems to you. And maybe a bit of fear about raking it all up, or being forced to confront your fears with no defenses in place.

But the right style of councelling with the right councellor is incredibly powerful stuff. I think you'd be surprised.

EverythingCounts · 17/03/2014 00:49

Agree with everyone saying that it is not too late at all to get counselling to help you with this. As said above, the right counsellor can work wonders. You can do it.

As for the event in your childhood with the school photo - that was immensely nasty and cruel. I am Shock that 'the photo comes out every now and again for a laugh' - that's horrible. Your DH sounds like a lovely man who understands you on this. Could he go and confront your mum about it and get that photo back for you? I wonder if it would help at all to know it would no longer come out - maybe you could destroy it yourself and that would allow you to begin working through the damage it has caused.

trufflehunterthebadger · 17/03/2014 00:51

If your dread of having your photo taken has directly led tonyou (and therefore your family) being unable to travel outside the Uk because you wont get a passport, I would suggest it's time to get help

I mean, seriously ? If you won an all expenses paid trip to the craribbean would you really not go because you had to have your photo taken ?