This is the dynamic in my house too. I'm a complete control freak, like mrshamstercheeks. My dh is shit scared of getting anything/ everything wrong (ie not the way I insist upon it being done) and so he gets on his iPhone.
That pisses me off even more.
I am proper lolling at mrshamstercheeks, because at least I can see I have created the whole bloody mess. 
Oh, and my three kids are all working between 2-5 years ahead (blah blah blah). They wouldn't dare not to be, frankly. My colleagues at work were taking the piss out of me last week because I had warned dd1 that I viewed 90% as borderline failure on the exam she had taken. She got a lecture instead of congratulations.
Ds is the epitome of your spoilt outspoken dd, op.
Fortunately, I am extremely open about my control freak tendencies, and my children, husband and work colleagues all acknowledge them openly.
We laugh about it, I adjust, and then we get on with our lives. Even dd1, who despite the dire warnings about her terrible grades, is a happy teen who chats to me about why I feel 90% is sailing too close to the wind... And, tee hee, agrees.
Take a good look in the mirror.
Essentially, I know exactly what my personality type is, and so, since the first dc was a baby, I have disappeared one weekend a month and left dh to it. He's their father, he can parent them however he likes, and form his own bonds. It isn't up to me to tell him what to do, when, or to stand by and criticize him when he makes his choices. I just leave them to it.
No one has died. They may well have eaten chips and got tummy ache (but bwahahahahaha at the 7yo knowing that. Fuck me she's clever. She can read her crystal ball and know what the baby had for lunch!) gone to bed late, had two breakfasts because they refused the first one, and been manhandled across the road. They may have been ignored in favour of the phone, even.
Yes, it makes me crazy. My teeth itch. I want to snatch the phone and wang it into the garden, because when I'm in the house he defers to me. Because he knows what I'm like.
So, sometimes, I am the one that retreats to the phone, so that everyone else has to make decisions, and I can't get involved because I will make different ones. It's relinquishment of control, and permission for them all to work it out themselves. No one comes running to me to tell daddy off. Or tittle tattling about how they got it wrong.
We just parent differently, but hey, we both parent.
Mine are older than yours now, op, obviously, and dh and I have worked through my control freakery.
One day you will laugh at how crazy you were about a stupid phone. Or you will divorce him, add another sd into the mix, and continue to believe in the myth of your own one True parenting way forever. It is entirely up to you, of course. There are no rules, you can do whatever you like.
Maybe try working together, instead of you imposing the law, occasionally? Even if (of course) you believe in the efficacy of your patented methodology... (And you are of course right. It's just a bit insufferable as a personality trait, and gets to be quite stressful bearing the responsibility after a while.)
It's likely that your conviction results from your period as a lone parent, I would think. I have a similar excuse - dh was in a serious accident and not expected to survive, and so I became the 'coper' and was forced to take sole responsibility and get everything right. As a result, I have absolute faith in my own methods, and know how everything should be done.
So, I have to force myself to lower my standards and realize that the world won't fall apart. I have also had to teach my children that, too.
Maybe you need to discuss this sort of thing with dd1? She's pretty bright - she'll soon learn that both mummy and daddy can make their own decisions, and that chips don't make people poorly, even if mummy insists that she eats something else (but only on her own terms of course, and whenever she feels like eating it, and that there won't ever be a second choice).
Ah, I love a bit of projection of an evening.