To think that 400 pounds is too much for a wedding present?

[seeminglyso]

Hi there, can you help me my husband is best man for his friend and thinks we should give them 400 pounds for a wedding gift. We are not loaded and this is a lot for us as it is for most people. He feels that as they paid 170 for our accommodation this is fair, but I have commented that people do expect to pay out for a wedding and paying for the best mans accommodation is customary. What do others think? AIBU?

Depends. We have given that amount but they were very close and we can afford it easily.

We didn't get anything from our Best Man (we didn't expect to either). £400 is absolutely ridiculous and if he is quibbling over the cost of your accommodation to attend his wedding, tell him to shove it up his arse and find/pay for your own!

Far far far too much, unless that is perfectly proportional to your household income. Possibly people with 100k+ salaries think that £400 is fine, but I would definitely be more in the £50 - £90 zone.

Its a lot of money. When my sister got married two people gave her £500 each but they were totally loaded!!

I bought them a bedspread - which they never use now

When I was bridesmaid I got the couple a vase for £140.

Bloody hell--l certainly couldn't afford to be going to weddings at £400 a go

Just as an aside, we have been invited to a wedding which we can't attend.

Poem inside invite asked for cash,

What's appropriate if we're not going??

Sod that! WAAAAAAAAY too much!

Wow! Our best man hasnt given us a gift, he paid for his own suit hire though, so we were very happy with that.

Our bridesmaids all gave us small gifts, I would guess a cash value of around £20 for each though, they had much more in sentimental value.

No one gave us a gift worth £400 and would never have dreamt of it, but then we didnt pay for anyones accommodation

It might have already been mentioned, but do you know they have paid for the accommodation and that 170 is the actual cost? Often wedding packages include a number of free and/or heavily discounted rooms for the wedding party. Just because the hotel is charging 170 on the night you'll be staying there doesn't mean that's what they've paid.

Anyway, I would not expect friends to give such an extravagant wedding gift - that's more the kind of thing someone in the family might do to mark it being a special occasion.

That's quite a bit, I would say that amount is reserved for parents or grandparents, if that. You might look awkward giving such a high amount.

In anycase they should be happy with whatever you get them. Me and DH were just as happy with the small gifts as we were with the large ones.

I think if that's what he wants to give and he can afford it then it is fine. It's up to the giver how much they give.

When we got married we got monetary gifts ranging from £10 up to about £200 (we did not ask for money). We thought 'how nice' with every gift.

Eva if you're not going then I would think that (between you) £50 would be a nice round number. Notes look nice too!

My millionaire aunt and uncle gave us £100 and we were over the moon with that.

They have millions in the bank but £100 was incredibly generous IMO.

Think as others have said it depends on where you are, culture etc. I'm in Ireland and I know it is normal here to give €200 per couple if you attend and €100 if you can't attend! We got €400/€500 from all bridesmaids and groomsmen and my siblings. Got €200 euros then from most couples who attended including my aunts and uncles but got €500 from all dh's aunts and uncles. tbh we just thought that everyone who gave us €200 were really generous
And anyone who gave us more was incredibly generous!! I think you should give what you can afford, I like to be generous but not at the expense of my family, bills etc.

Most we ever gave was 250 euros for DH's brother, that was 2 years ago. Would never give £400, way too much.

I think £100 is about right. Anything more I would only think is appropriate for a close relative or collection of people (work colleagues).

Bullocks if you'r not attending you don't need to give anything just send a card. If you're good friends give them a bottle of champagne when you see them.

Yes, that's a lot of money.

Our best man didn't even buy us a card. We bought him a thank you gift for being best man though...

Wow £400. Are you loaded? Lottery winners? I think the most we got was £50 and each penny was gratefully accepted and we didn't care if nothing given. We bought our sofa which I'm sitting in now with the wedding money....

Way, way too much. When we got married most of our close friends who chose to give vouchers gave £50. We do the same - £50 usually for good friends, about £30 if we're only going to the evening do. For a sibling I'd spend more.

At our wedding we paid for the best man's accommodation as we knew he wasn't flush (and his suit, though I think that's more usual) and we didn't want him to be worried about money because of our wedding. As others have said being a best man is a pretty tough job with the pressure of doing a good speech (and ours did a bloody amazing one) and organising the stag do as well. We didn't expect anything from him but he and his DP got us some gifts from our list, honestly can't remember how much they spent but it would have been about £40/£50.

old thread

Token gifts from best men/bridesmaids, if anything at all.

I'm thinking along the lines of hip flasks or engraved charms to commemorate the day. Or something more personal to the friendship. The gift they truly give is their efforts and support in the lead up and during the wedding.

£400 is outrageous and no self respecting bride/groom would expect a gift like that.

When my friend got married her DH's workmates clubbed together and gave them a £500 voucher for John Lewis. They were MORTIFIED at how much they'd spent.

It was a small company of low paid workers (including her DH).

A fraction of that would have been just as well received.

wow that's a lot!

We gave our best man an engraved Dunhill lighter for £500. He'd paid for my wedding car and helped us out loads. Since he's paid for your accommodation I don't think it's too much, but if you can't afford it, don't do it.