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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that women are treated like shit by society?

147 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 13/03/2014 18:47

Especially single mothers. I have been discriminated against several times about my lack of marital status.
I'm fed up with the whole way that society treats women and I'm worried about my dd.
I do love men and they make good friends but society gives out this message that it is important to be married and/ or in a relationship. Single women are seen as a threat and / or failures.
Women in relationships are often repressed. The media promotes this 'perfect' body image and porn.
I mean I know it's been done to death but why do we put up with it?
What is worse it that we are our own worse enemy. Women see each other as threats too.

OP posts:
mrscumberbatch · 13/03/2014 21:07

My DP is from a family of very strong women with no strong father figures (they left, even the his maternal aunts were divorced as they knew what they wanted and weren't going to settle for cheating or disrespectful men).

So he had quite a low opinion of his fellow chaps.

That said, some of his female siblings haven't struck out quite as well and he believes that this is because they conform to society and, whilst they are massively intelligent with degrees coming out of their ears, they feel that they have to fit into a feminine role and can be quite subservient.

His role model is his older sister who is quite fearless and stands her ground in a couple of large, male dominated professions.

mrscumberbatch · 13/03/2014 21:12

DP's mother created an amazing thing that was well regarded in the news etc.

Notably, although it was her vision and creation, the interviews tended to be weighted towards her male partner. Who had a hand in it all but wasn't the mastermind.

She is pleased enough in herself not to divert the attention and the praise back to herself.

This seems subservient but I think it is more knowing than that and she feels that 'If that's what he needs to feel whole then he can have it. I know that this was my venture.'

She's a very clever woman. Keeps me on my toes.

Girlnumbersix · 13/03/2014 21:17

mrsc...thanks so much for sharing that!! Your dp sounds v feminist!! Your whole extended family in fact..... I'm sorry I was a douche to you before!! Thanks

georgesdino · 13/03/2014 21:21

It does depend how you are brought up as I was brought up in a 100% non sexist household then you just copy what you know when your older and pass it on to your own children.

FreudiansSlipper · 13/03/2014 21:38

YANBU

when I am told that feminism has down more harm than good or that women are no longer discriminated against and we are all treated equally I ask the question how many female prime minsters have we had, how many older women do we see presenting on tv, how many women who have chosen not to have children are questioned

it has got nothing to do with how much we may love or not love men. that is not the issue at all it is recognising that having a penis you have an advantage in your life from the day you are born and that is something I do not have

i know many women and men who are able to see this

mrscumberbatch · 13/03/2014 21:38

No it's ok, it's just words on a screen and its hard to take something that somebody says at face value when you don't know where they're coming from.

In my own house growing up it was my Mum that was probably more sexist than my dad. Some of the things she and my sister say regarding my parenting of my own Dd make me cringe, they know to humour me though. (So for Xmas it was a Spider-Man gokart rather than a barbie one. Small victories.)

It's hard to get people to think about these things when they don't feel directly affected. For me, I was always a reader and so had thoughts regarding the patriarchy but it wasn't until I had Dd that I started to be more vocal about it.

It's hard for the information to be broken down small enough that its accessible though because this is such a big massive thing that effects everything and everyone. Whether they 'feel' it or not.

And we are in a position of privilege. Scary thought.

MamaPingu · 13/03/2014 21:40

A case of sexism I've come across was when I'd just had DS by emergency c section and everyone kept commenting on what an amazing job his dad was doing with him.

No comment about me, I was doing a hell of a lot more and was still recovering from the operation.

I got seriously depressed after all the comments, or the lack of them towards me! It made me very self conscious and started questioning if I was even an ok mum.

When I confronted them it's clearly because he was a young dad and they're pleased he'd stepped up. I'm younger Hmm

Do tell me if this isn't what you've seen, but from my experience there seems to not really be such thing as a good mum, from what I've seen and heard "a good mum" is just what mums are. But some people seem to make excuses for why dads who don't step up aren't at fault.
At times it really does make me feel worthless!

mrscumberbatch · 13/03/2014 21:43

MamaPingu I agree. There were people applauding my DP for changing nappies.

When they brought it up I just said I should bloody think he is changing nappies, it's his daughter just as much as she is mine.

And people patting him on the back 'Good job man' (he just looked mortified to his credit...Grin)

Do we just look so useless and pathetic post-childbirth that people dont want to acknowledge us? Wink

Girlnumbersix · 13/03/2014 21:46

Yes....my mum too was sexist but funnily now, she is anything but!!! It is like she no longer feels compelled to reform. She stands up to dad (bless him, he listens and is open to it) and she challenges sexism whenever she hears it!!!

I just LOVE all the women who challenge sexism. And unlike the eejits who blindly state they love men blah blah, I can categorically say WHY!!!!!!

caruthers · 13/03/2014 21:47

Stating that you hate men as a class is generalising and sexist.

cerealqueen · 13/03/2014 21:51

All you have to do is look at the Daily Mail website, the most visited newspaper website in the world, to see how women are treated.

It is one element of the everyday sexism many many women experience.

mrscumberbatch · 13/03/2014 21:56

I don't see an issue with 'I love men'... I think it's quite a lighthearted thing to say really.

I do have a problem with women who cannot be without a man, who cannot function without a man, who are unable to make a decision for themselves.

Conversely I am sure that there are people of both genders who exist like this in gay or straight relationships.

Sometimes I think being a woman is a bit like being a gay man. It can be hard to be taken seriously and everyone has an opinion before you've even opened your mouth.

The number of straight acting gay men who I know that are sick of being typecast as screaming queens is ridiculous.

I think there's definite similarities in how they are marketed to/treated by society. We are not all frilly homemakers.

Mitchy1nge · 13/03/2014 21:56

I think men can and should do a lot more to challenge gender inequalities without expecting a pat on the back for it, just as part of being a normal decent person. This isn't hatred, it's a reasonable expectation.

sleeplessbunny · 13/03/2014 21:59

I was blind to the sexism around me until I had DD. Now I see it everywhere. I had always thought my upbringing was fairly gender-neutral but now I feel differently. My DM often harps on about what a brilliant dad DH is, how involved he is etc. and I have to point out he does a heck of a lot less than I do. Where is my praise?!?!

Fakebook · 13/03/2014 22:04

YABU.

I've never been treated like shit by society. I'm a woman.

NigellasDealer · 13/03/2014 22:19

good for you then fakebook.
tell you what though, i have really noticed that being a single mother brings out the worst in other people.

mrscumberbatch · 13/03/2014 22:22

Nigella, who have you personally found to be more discriminatory toward you as a single mum, men or women?

Just out of interest. And nosiness. Mostly the latter Wink

NigellasDealer · 13/03/2014 22:23

hmm let me think....bit of both actually but some women inc in my own 'family' have been downright nasty

Cigarettesandsmirnoff · 13/03/2014 22:24

Are we talking just about this country or the whole world ?

What happens to young girls and women around the world is just fucking beyond the pale.

Sexism most certainly exists

NigellasDealer · 13/03/2014 22:25

i remember when i was doing well at work and had spare money (distant memory) I took my little twins to Greece for a week, where we did stick out a bit in the tourist restaurants, one english guy was giving me serious deadeye, i think he was worried that i might give his wife ideas!!

NigellasDealer · 13/03/2014 22:26

but that is all minor compared to eg trafficked women or women forced into fgm, it is all happening around us in the UK

Girlnumbersix · 13/03/2014 22:27

Stating that you hate men as a class is generalising and sexist.

Is this directed at me?? Why don't you woman up and say so?

caruthers · 13/03/2014 22:30

Girlnumbersix

I'm not a woman.

There you go generalising again!

Cigarettesandsmirnoff · 13/03/2014 22:32

yes to nigella

On a whole, through out the ages females have been treated shamefully.

mrscumberbatch · 13/03/2014 22:38

Hey no cat fighting Wink we are all on the same team.

I agree it is all very well getting worked up about the sexism that we experience in our everyday lives but we are so privileged compared to so many countries.

I don't know that our government would offer aid to these cases though unless as a country we have a stronger stance on equal rights.

Even in parts of Europe it is worse than here.

Its such a big issue that short of creating a worldwide treaty enforceable by law, I can't imagine how we'll ever get to the point where we are all equal. I'll bloody well give it a good bash though!