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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you were an only child do you think you missed out on having a sibling?

117 replies

widdle · 13/03/2014 16:02

Also inspired by the thread on asking what made you decide on a second child I just wanted to rephrase the question slightly differently. If you are an only child did you feel lonely/sad etc or do you think it had a negative impact on your life?

We have one son and the only thing that is making me consider a second is that I feel he might be missing out on having a sibling.

OP posts:

BadLad · 14/03/2014 12:41

I don't feel I missed out. Life would have different with a sibling. Better or worse, who's to know?

diamondlizard · 14/03/2014 12:46

peopel make far far too much out of being only children

its not that bad and does have its advantages

like everything pros and cons

lynniep · 14/03/2014 12:46

I was an only child until I was about 7, at which point I aquired (older) step sisters. This did not make me happy! I was completely content as an only child - I knew no better. I liked my own company and was happy to hve my things to myself. I'm fairly sure DS1 would be happier as an only child, however he's not, so he has to deal with it! He has a personality very similar to mine when I was a child. Children need children yes, but not neccessarily living in the same house. Thats what friends are for!

ProfYaffle · 14/03/2014 12:51

Totally agree with 2tiredtocare. I feel how I feel about my childhood, it's not a reflection on anyone else. If I hear about someone who hated their sister it doesn't make me feel bad for having 2 dds.

DameFanny · 14/03/2014 13:08

I grew up with two siblings, one of whom being my twin, and was still lonely as hell.

And because I had siblings there was no need to worry about whether I had anyone to play with

Ds is an only, more by accident than choice. He's said he would want a sibling, but there's not a great deal we can do about it now. On the other hand, we make sure he gets to see friends; he went to a childminder pre-school so he got the experience of being around differently-aged children; and most of all he gets to be treated as a person, rather than the them-and-us adults vs children you see sometimes in larger families.

And we've given him something to talk about to a shrink in later life - the greatest gift of all

Writerwannabe83 · 14/03/2014 13:15

I have a sister who is only a year and 1 month older than me and I absolutely love having her in my life. My childhood was amazing and in all my funniest memories she is always there We're now 30/31 and she's my best friend.

My DH has a brother (2 year age gap) and they cannot stand each other. They disliked each other during their childhood, never got on and now aged 29 and 31 they have nothing to do with each other. DH's brother has got 3 children and we have no contact with them. The brother and his family were not even invited to our Wedding.

Having siblings does not guarantee a happy childhood and fulfilling sibling relationships.

I'm 38wks pregnant with mine and DH's first baby and we always agreed we'd only have one - my DH is more adamant than this about me. I'm guessing the poor relationship he has always had with his brother has somehow shaped his feelings on this matter.

Nataleejah · 14/03/2014 13:18

I have a sibling but always wished to be an only child

BearPear · 14/03/2014 13:19

Seems you have onlys who either loved or hated it, quite distinctly split. Personally, I am an only who was completely happy as a child, never felt lonely although growing up on an estate with lots of children around the same age probably helped. Having said that I could always rustle up some solo activity to amuse myself and I am still very comfortable in my own company (indeed I crave some alone time occasionally!)

I had no cousins as our family is very small. My DH is also from a small family so my 2 adult DCs never had cousins around either. My DCs, still at home, seem to tolerate each other most of the time, I'm sure that they adore one another at heart! When they were young and the bickering was relentless I often said to them that I was glad to be an only child if this was what having a sibling was all about!

getdownshep · 14/03/2014 13:21

I am only and have always hated it, dm is very elderly but so far in good health.
I have two dds who luckily get on really well and I envy their relationship, its something I always wanted.
Saying that dh is one of five but we see very little of his siblings. As adults they don't get on at all.
I wanted a bigger family but dh didn't as he said he felt he never had his dms attention as a child whereas I had too much which was equally annoying.

YellowTulips · 14/03/2014 14:02

I am an OC. Never felt I lost out on not having siblings.

I think it's possibly enriched my life. On holiday as a child, making new friends to play with for example gave me exposure to people from different countries and built up my social confidence.

Equally I am happy with my own company and am generally very independent - don't get me wrong I love my DH to bits, but I know I would cope without him if I had to.

I wasn't spoilt as a child materially, but I did get lots of attention in terms of help with school work and support that would have likely been less with brothers/sisters. As a result I did well academically and have been very fortunate in my career.

It's hard to say how things would have been different if I had not been an OC - all I can say is I have never felt sad about it or wished my life any different.

Now I am older I have a son and a DSD. I didn't consider having another child.

BsshBossh · 14/03/2014 14:51

This thread goes to show just how different our experiences are as only children. Viva la difference!

Beeeb · 14/03/2014 14:53

I was an only child and so was dp. We both agree that it would be nice to have had a sibling and plan to have more than one child ourselves.

HarpyFishwifeTwat · 14/03/2014 14:58

I was relatively happy as an only child and the times i wished for a sibling it was always a twin brother that I thought would be good.

As an adult I sometimes think a sibling would be quite nice but seeing DH's relationship with his brother and my dad's relationship with his siblings I'm usually grateful to be an only child.

sazzlesb · 14/03/2014 15:06

I'm one of 3 and whilst we weren't joined at the hip as kids, find it hard to imagine what growing up without siblings is like. Yes we fought (my brother and sister still do though not much physically any more!) but we had so much fun and now have so many shared memories that only siblings can have. The death of both of our parents in recent years has also brought it home to me how much harder I would have found it to deal with that on my own - just having someone who had the same relationship with them has helped me enormously. Not a reason to have another child of course - just an observation.
For me, my own experience influenced how many children I wanted.

Domple · 14/03/2014 15:07

I am an only child and tbh I never missed having a sibling. I have had two children and now seeing their relationship I realise what I might have missed out on. I say might because of course everyone has a different childhood depending on other factors not just whether they have a sibling.

DH has a brother who he has no relationship with at all except they send birthday and Christmas cards but we know more about our next door neighbour than he does his brother!

My mum is one of five and my dad is a twin and both have very little to do with their immediate family. I suppose the point I am trying to make is exactly as the saying goes 'you can choose your friends and not your family' just because you have a sibling it does not mean you have a friend for life!

I wish my kids had more cousins (I had loads growing up) but they don't and that is it. There is no good wishing what you do not having, accept what you have and make the choices right for you.

There are so many stereotypes and negative thoughts about only kids I would be cautious to listen!

CabbagesAndKings · 14/03/2014 15:14

I am an only child and loved it. Big extended family, lots of friends (my three best friends have been my best friends since we were children) very outdoorsy life in the country, but also enjoyed my own company. I love my parents, as I've got older they have become my best friends as well as my mum and dad. We were a little team of three

Mind you, looking back, I was the perfect personality type to be an only child, and my parents were and are wonderful people. I can see how certain children would struggle. I don't think my own DC would have enjoyed being only children- they are very different from me that way

I do worry about how, when my parents are elderly, it will all be on my shoulders. On saying that, I love them and will not resent caring for them. When they go, I will be utterly devastated, but I have my own lovely family to support me through, plus the strong connections with friends and community that I have developed over the years.

Not all only children like it, not all siblings get on well and are there for each other.

hellsbellsmelons · 14/03/2014 15:15

My mum had 4 - 2 from previous marriage and I love having siblings.
My little sis is my best friend and I don't know where either of us would be without the other.
My DD was an only child (until her FW Dad buggered off and had another many years later) and she would love to get to know her sister but he's such a FW he doesn't see her and see's very little of my DD now.
She can't wait to be Auntie and I'm sure if you asked her she would have loved a sibling. She would have made a great older sister too.
But... no way I wanted another. One was enough for me. So glad as well as not sure how I'd of coped with 2 and FW sodding off and not paying anything towards anything!

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