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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you were an only child do you think you missed out on having a sibling?

117 replies

widdle · 13/03/2014 16:02

Also inspired by the thread on asking what made you decide on a second child I just wanted to rephrase the question slightly differently. If you are an only child did you feel lonely/sad etc or do you think it had a negative impact on your life?

We have one son and the only thing that is making me consider a second is that I feel he might be missing out on having a sibling.

OP posts:
MorningTimesAreHorrid · 13/03/2014 16:30

Yes. I desperately wanted a sibling & used to ask for one all the time. I still feel envious of friends' relationships with their siblings now. Probably why I ended up having four children. I know there is no guarantee they will actually like each other though Smile

MrsBW · 13/03/2014 16:30

I'm an only child. If anything, it's had a positive impact on my life ( happy in my own company for long periods, increased confidence through having to speak to adults for company more from an early age ).

My husband has 3 sisters and fell out with them to the point they went NC for 3 years. It had a negative impact on him for that time.

Don't have another because you worry about your DC being an only child.

MistletoeBUTNOwine · 13/03/2014 16:30

I always wanted a sibling Sad

NatashaBee · 13/03/2014 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

longtallsally2 · 13/03/2014 16:32

I am an only and felt that I missed out on a lot, not so much when very small, but in the teen years and afterwards. I do know of people who have been less affected by it. If you can surround your little one with cousins and good friends who treat her/him like family that's great. But for me, I always felt as if something was missing.

I did have doubts when I was pregnant for the second time, wondering if I was having no 2 only for ds1 to have sibling, but once he was here I loved having a bigger family for us all to enjoy.

LizardBreath · 13/03/2014 16:33

Wasn't bothered at all as child, might be due to the fact had two friends the same age as close neighbours so always round each other's houses etc.

However as an adult the pressure / guilt of being an only isn't great. All visits / contact with parents is on me. Fiancé also an only and his parents but horrible pressure to do this, that, the other for them. Will only get worse.

laura2323 · 13/03/2014 16:34

I'm an only child and absolutely hate it. It's gotten harder and harder as I've got older. As a child it was just me and my mum (dad buggered off for 11 years after the classic "going to the shops"). My mum practically smothered me, wouldn't let me go to friends houses and when they came round to us she insisted on "joining in our games". In primary school I was known as the girl with the loopy mummy. She even got a job in the primary school and made me sit with her at lunch times and stand by her in the playground.
In secondary school I had some "freedom" as my mother called it, actually this freedom was walking the 10 minutes to and from school. If I wanted to go out with friends I had to be in by dark (4pm in winter, school finished at 3.30) or 6pm in summer. I was not invited to any parties or sleepovers. I was later told this was because they felt sorry for me and didn't want me to see all the fun they had planned and would have to leave. She wouldn't even let me stay at relatives houses in case she missed out on the fun (her words).
I moved out when I was 16 after my mum removed my bedroom door and put all my clothes and shoes in her bedroom, she kept referring to us as "sisters". Now I am 24, I've moved 200 miles away from my hometown and NC with her.
I really do believe that if I had a sibling I would have had more freedom, or at least someone to play with. I did not have a childhood I had to be a mini adult and looking back now it was like I was my mothers carer.
I now have a 20 week old dd and will not be the same with her, I would like another child but I don't know if it will happen (fiancé is 48). If we cannot have another biological child I will adopt.

noddyholder · 13/03/2014 16:36

My ds is 19 and is fine with it. I would have liked another but not for him just in general but I couldn't. My mum has 4 of us and doesn't see us and I only see my sister regularly. Ds has a much wider circle than I ever had they just aren't blood relations. Mind you at school there were 9 only boys in his class so quite common!

NotNewButNameChanged · 13/03/2014 16:36

Did I mind being an only child when I was young?

NO. Never. I loved being an only child and had a very happy childhood and never felt lonely.

Do I mind being an only child now, as an adult?

YES. But only I think because I am long-term single and as I have recently turned 40 it has become a very big deal. My parents are elderly and soon it will be just me. I wouldn't mind if I had a partner. If I had a partner, not having a sibling wouldn't matter, because I would feel I had some family (and if she, my partner, had a family, then I'd have in-laws).

sonlypuppyfat · 13/03/2014 16:39

I think as a child I didn't know any different but now my mum is on her own I don't like being everything to her, I find that very difficult.

Original poster
widdle · 13/03/2014 16:41

Wow Laura that is terrible. I don't think I will be like your mother. I hope you are in a better place now.

DH and I are essentially big kids ourselves so also don't think he will be stuck doing adult only things.

I think having another to provide a sibling is the main reason but not the only reason - we can definitely afford it. Although DS is only 9 months old and I didn't love the early baby days/months - maybe I'll give it a few more months/years to think more about it.

OP posts:
pinkmoomin · 13/03/2014 16:45

I'm an only child, and although I had a happy childhood I would not wish my DC to have the same fate.

tobiasfunke · 13/03/2014 16:47

I have an only and I worry but as my sister has caused me nothing but grief since the day she was born sometimes I think he is lucky.

RalphRecklessCardew · 13/03/2014 16:48

I think that sometimes because being an only is unusual people tend to blame unhappiness on it - it's the thing that's noticeable IYSWIM. Meanwhile the millions of contented onlies across the world trundle along not thinking much about it either way.

AbbeyBartlet · 13/03/2014 16:50

Am an only child and if i had decided to have children I wouldn't have had more than one. I would have hated having siblings - I didn't ever get lonely and I have lived on my own for many years.

RabbitPies · 13/03/2014 16:52

No not at all. I loved it.

everygalaxy · 13/03/2014 16:54

I love being an only child but I have the most amazing parents and I am the only child of an only child - the thought of anyone else being part of our little family makes me feel a bit sick. I told them when I was four that if they had another child I would go and live with my godmother! I don't worry now because my STBDH is very close to my parents and I know he will help out. We have started discussing starting a family and I really want us to be a family of three too.

chipsandpeas · 13/03/2014 16:56

nup dont think i missed out

and after knowing friends who have siblings who have had a lot of issues with their brothers and sisters im glad that i was a only child
blood relations really mean nothing at the end of the day - if you do get along then its nice to have them but its not a guarantee that they would get a along when adults (or growing up)

Pipbin · 13/03/2014 16:57

I hated it as a child. We lived in a small village and there were no other children my age. We had no family near either.
I think it might have been me who said that being an only felt like being in a couple with a child rather than a family. It certainly felt like that. But then my parents relationship is odd.
My parents are now ageing and I have moved miles away. I worry about what will happen when they get older or one of them dies. It's all down to me.

On the plus side I am very happy in my own company and I have a good imagination.

I think had I had cousins or friends close by it would have been better.
I found the film Submarine had the best depiction of being an only child.

All that said, if I manage to have DCs the chances are they will be only as I'm on my third and final IVF.

bigTillyMint · 13/03/2014 16:59

Sorry, but I hated being an only as a child and I still hate it now.

Pipbin · 13/03/2014 17:01

I do have a very dear friend who is an only child. We consider each other as siblings.
DH is one of 4 and always says he would rather have been an only.

nannynewo · 13/03/2014 17:01

I am also speaking from the perspective of a person with two older siblings. I literally can't imagine life without them, we are incredibly close. We bickered a lot growing up, but it's made us who we are now. I can't wait to have children because I know they are going to have two fantastic uncles.

Pregnantberry · 13/03/2014 17:02

I am an only child and I think I did.

When I was little I always wished I had a sibling to play with, I think it was quite lonely with just me and my mum and dad especially since I wasn't really close to them like some are and I was often left to my own devices. I saw the advantage of not having to share my toys and getting more at Christmas, but for me it didn't outweigh the benefits.

Siblings offer something which parents themselves can't provide, because they will be in your DC's life (hopefully) long after you have died. I won't have any immediate family left in 20/30 years apart from what I make for myself through having children.

I had lots of aunts and uncles growing up as well where as my DC will only have one who lives a long way away (my BIL), I wish they could have some on my side.

I know some siblings don't get on and obviously some times there are good reasons, but the overwhelming majority I know do by the time they are adults - not sure if this is universal!

I am pregnant with DC1 right now, and he/she will have an elder half brother who is a really nice boy, and I was saying just the other night that I am pleased for DC1 that he/she will have no chance of ending up an only child.

2tiredtocare · 13/03/2014 17:02

My cousin is an only and she has told me she'd never have a singleton and she felt being an only child very keenly when her dad was terminally ill.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 13/03/2014 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.