Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to reject a party invitation because of the party activity (football)

128 replies

bassingtonffrench · 12/03/2014 13:36

This is really on behalf of my DS who I think is being unreasonable but I don't know how to change that.

DS has been invited to an eighth birthday party by a friend in his class. it is a five a side, company run football theme party. DS has said he won't go because he doesn't like football. He is really consistent about not liking football and is almost a bit phobic about it. Basically he knows he's not good at football and he can't deal with that.

he likes the child and has known him for years. He doesn't get that many party invitations, perhaps because he has a habit of isolating himself in this way, so I'm keen for him to go.

Should I go all out to persuade him? Perhaps by finding out who else is there? It would be reassuring to him if there are girls for example. Or should I just let it lie, accept his preferences, and politely decline?

OP posts:

AWimbaWay · 12/03/2014 21:03

'Why hate'

I don't think it's the football they hate, it's all the stuff that comes from not enjoying it. My Ds tried it, he was very bad at it, his classmates noticed, this led to him not being chosen for teams, not being passed the ball, feeling excluded. This in turn resulted in him drawing himself away even more, not wanting to show himself up, this led to him spending many playtimes on his own or latching himself on to his big sister. I've tried to tell him it doesn't matter if he's not the best, that he could enjoy just running around and joining in, but he doesn't see it that way and it's hard to get a 6 yr old to see things from an adult's view point. It probably doesn't help that the son of a player for our local city's team was in my Ds's class last year which got all the boys even more interested.

OddFodd · 12/03/2014 21:04

Those of you who are saying that the OP's DS should just go and that it's rude not to - I took my DS to his occupational therapy session today where we practiced the movements he needs to make to catch a ball. Because he has absolutely no idea how to do it, he needs to learn the right movements. He's 7, he's clever, funny and popular. He also has dyspraxia.

I know you're not being unkind and I hate to pull the SN card but not all children are good at physical stuff and some of them find it really hard. He would absolutely hate, hate, hate to go to a football party and draw attention to his absolute inability to play football.

It's my DS's 7th birthday next week and we're having a treasure hunt (with written clues) as part of it. I know that he and some of his friends are really good at reading and others aren't. So, while I thought about having two teams battling to win the 'treasure', I decided that wasn't that much fun for children who weren't that good at reading so they're all going to try and find the treasure together.

That's probably not a great analogy and I'm not saying it's wrong to have a football party. But if you choose to do something that may exclude some children, then you need to accept that some children may not want to attend.

kim147 · 12/03/2014 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 12/03/2014 21:07

Maybe it is not a bad thing for kids to learn to accept they cannot be good at ( or like) everything.

My DS at 6 was so bad at football he would get kicked in the shin by his own team.

He gave up. Sometimes break time was lonely for him, but learned how to cope, made other friends who also don't play football, and focusses on other sports he does enjoy.

He did go to the odd football party, it had never occurred to me for him not to.

Sparklingbrook · 12/03/2014 21:17

What about the children who hate Minecraft Kim?

OddFodd · 12/03/2014 21:20

Then they don't have to go to the party if they don't want to Sparklingbrook.

I don't really understand your point. Do you not get that some children are shit at sport?

AWimbaWay · 12/03/2014 21:21

My Ds had a bouncy castle party, surely all children love a bouncy castle . And if they don't I wouldn't have been at all offended if they declined the invite, and Ds would have been too busy bouncing to notice they weren't there.

kim147 · 12/03/2014 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kim147 · 12/03/2014 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 12/03/2014 21:32

Are you making a Minecraft cake Kim? i think the supermarkets are missing a trick not selling them. I wanted to get DS2 a Minecraft birthday card too.
I hate Minecraft as much as DS2 loves it I think. So annoying.

Odd, i would find it hard to believe that some children are shit at all Sport. There are enough sports to choose from.

Taffeta · 12/03/2014 21:34

Another one with a football obsessed DS. Who has turned down many shooting type parties, shooting in the woods, Qasar laser thingy stuff. He hates that shizzle.

No way would I make him go.

Sparklingbrook · 12/03/2014 21:34

But Spa days make me feel uncomfortable. I hate massages, I hate being messed with in general. I feel stressed by it all.

'Come on Sparkling we are all getting in the jacuzzi' I just want to get home.

kim147 · 12/03/2014 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kim147 · 12/03/2014 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 12/03/2014 21:36

aww kim there must be something. DS2 loves Golf

kim147 · 12/03/2014 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kim147 · 12/03/2014 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CorrieDale · 12/03/2014 21:37

DS was invited to a football party by a classmate. He's a lovely boy and DS likes him a lot. But DS is dyspraxic and football to him represents nothing but misery. And I do mean misery. He has no choice about playing it in games lessons. His lack of talent at all games, but especially ball games, is staggeringly obvious to everyone. He spends his games lessons being yelled at and harangued by kids who do not yet understand that this is not the way to get the best out of him. He has no control over this - he cannot opt out. His friends - all bar one - play football during lunch and break times. He worries constantly that this one non football player will also be 'taken away from him' by football. Again, no opt out.

Life is shitty enough for him right now and will continue to be so until he gets the power to opt out of games/football obsession. So no, I didn't make him go to a party where he would be completely miserable, just because it was nice for him to be asked and sometimes you do stuff you don't like just to be kind. He does plenty of that already. Instead, I allowed him to exercise control over one area of his life where he can just opt out if he wants. No regrets.

Sparklingbrook · 12/03/2014 21:38

I think my skill at a Spa Day is pretending to enjoy myself in a fluffy bathrobe while inwardly cringeing.

iklboo · 12/03/2014 21:40

Kim - DH, sorry I mean DS would love a Minecraft theme park.

BirthdayMuppet · 12/03/2014 21:40

On the other side of this, as a mother I would particularly want to know if one of my child's close friends hated a party element we'd chosen and would feel uncomfortable to the point of declining. I do what I could to keep them involved somehow, perhaps coming only to the food & cake part if necessary, or vice versa of food was an issue. They're my sons friends, I want them to feel as welcome as possible. How well do you know the mum if the kids have known each other for years? Please just have a normal chat with her and explain your ds's difficulties with the football bit, I'm sure you'll be able to come to an arrangement between you.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 12/03/2014 21:51

I have a football-hating son. He's 9. It's hard. Every other boy in his class likes and plays football. (small village school).

I wouldn't make him go to a football party, he'd hate it.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 12/03/2014 21:58

Sparklingbrook I have yet to meet a child who hates Minecraft. I suppose there might be some out there?

Sparklingbrook · 12/03/2014 21:58

Well I don't think I have any more to add. Hope you manage to sort it out Bassington. Without upset to your DS, the birthday boy or his parents.

In no time at all there will be no more parties. They turn into teenagers and spend their birthdays in the house with their big teenage mates, eating and gaming.

I feel almost wistful about a soft play party now.

dietcokeandwine · 12/03/2014 22:10

Sparklingbrook - my DS would probably fall under the category of 'shit at all sports'. Or at the very least, significantly more shit than the vast majority of his peer group. Which unsurprisingly makes him feel a bit rubbish.

Thing is- why do people feel that kids - and particularly boys - have to find a sport to enjoy/excel at? Some people just aren't good at and/or don't like sport. And that's fine. The old chestnuts of 'oh but it does them good to be part of a team' and 'it's healthy exercise' etc etc are all well and good, but you can live a perfectly happy healthy life and learn team playing skills without liking or playing any bloody sport. I know several lovely adult men who really do not like sport in any way shape or form but still manage to be happy, healthy and successful.

Re the minecraft stuff btw-go on eBay and do a search fir 'minecraft cake' or 'minecraft card'. You can get personalised birthday cards and birthday cake toppers

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6