Weddings are getting a mind of their own.

[Summerblaze]

I know i am getting on a bit and got married a zillion years but what on earth is the point of a pre wedding shoot. My friend is getting married in september and is going about an hour and a half away to have some pictures taken.

I used to love weddings but now it just seems to be all about the stuff and how it looks to everyone else.

Yeah yeah its their day, blah, blah, blah but AIBU to think its just all a bit of all show and no substance.

Oh, of course, the whole wedding industry is crazy. But whatevs, if people want to spend their money on it.

You know you're proper crotchety when you start whinging about things that make other people happy and hurt no one.

Weddings aren't getting a mind of their own. Some people getting married fail to exercise their own minds and do what the industry tells them they should/must have. If you plan even a semi conventional wedding these days, it's easy to get carried away/sucked in.

I've not heard of pre wedding photos but I've seen post wedding ones where the couple can paddle in the sea and stuff without having to worry about the dress getting wrecked, I think they are quite nice.

I agree, those shoots are so egotistical. it makes me feel sick when I see them on fb pretending to be hopelessly in love in some crappy park dressed in matching Barbour jackets.

The photographer gives them to you for free ime. You get photos, he/she gets a chance to work out how to best photograph you both.

My dad is a photographer btw.

I think it's something slightly gullible people get sold. But then they have something extra to post on Facebook so I guess they like it.

I may be crotchety and no it doesnt affect me but it just makes me sad that the actual vow/marriage is being taken over by all the fluff. Not just pre wedding shoots but hen/stag weeks, over the top (not to mention pricey) receptions, good looking skinny bridesmaids instead of their dearest friends and family. The list goes on (not all this one wedding).

Although i am a little pleased that i got my first present poem.

We had an engagement shoot (same thing). It was included in our quote for the photographer and meant we could get to know him. Which was great on the day as he already knew what sort of shots we wanted and what would suit us. He gave loads of handy tips about how to stand/hold yourself in a photo for best results.

The main reason I did it, is before my wedding I'd never been to one where the photographer wasn't really annoying and often in the way! We chose wisely as our photographer really made me feel at ease and took great pics.

Why do you care OP, you presumably don't have to turn up to it or anything?

Oh and can I make clear that having a big, modern wedding and taking your vows seriously ARE NOT mutually exclusive, whatever you read on MN!

Re the goodlooking skinny bridesmaids, this is something I read in an actual, real life, not made up wedding magazine, though it was about 15 years ago now.

There was a problem page and someone had written in (or been invented) and said 'When we were growing up my best friend and I always promised each other that whichever one of us got married first would have the other one as her bridesmaid. However, I'm getting married now and my best friend is really ugly and I'm afraid it will spoil my wedding photos.'

My jaw dropped at that but not as much as it did at the wedding agony aunt's answer, which was, 'If she's a real friend, I'm sure she'll understand.'

We had one in our photographer package. We didn't want it but he wanted it to get to know us and what kind of pictures suit us best. We didn't do anything with the photos, didn't put them on FB (I'm not even sure I looked at them) so don't think it was egositical in our case.

fair enough. it's not egotistical if free and not put on fb

I think it's one of the few good 'new' things tbh. I look like a myopic gimp with trembly lips in my wedding photos, it would have been really nice to have had a practice run and get some advice from the photographer.

Our photographer insisted on it. It's so she can get used to you, and you can get used to them, and they can tell you how to stand etc so you don't waste time on the big day, and hopefully get better pictures. Some people dont know how to stand for photos, or smile, and your photographer doesn't know if you're one of them. It's for your benefit really.

Someone I know does wedding photography. She uses it as an opportunity to get to know the couples and an idea of the style of photos they want. Plus it's a good little marketing tactic.

I support all the fuss over weddings. Such a special time, people should celebrate every moment of their engagement - you never get that excitement back. We are really happily married and we also had a lovely engaegment - what's not to celebrate?

I agree apocalypse. Weddings are for celebrating.

Ok, so IABU in regards to them being used for lighting, tips for the big day etc. But I still don't think IABU to be irritated with them pasting them all over fb. Ultimate in bragging (actually that goes for all of fb). There has been a few over the past few months.

I had a lovely engagement and planned a lovely day for me and my dh. It was very special to me and him and mine and his parents but I didn't a) ram it down peoples necks every 5 minutes saying look how happy we are, b) talk about it non stop to people who never asked, c) made our day people friendly and d) invited people to a day that didn't mean they had to take out a second mortgage.

Well yes those engagement photos do tend to be very cheesy.

We don't actually have a single photo of our wedding - lunchtime registry office quickie in jeans with two witnesses - and our marriage is very happy, thanks!

If I'm honest. I slightly despise women who actually swallow all that guff about Your Special Day. By all means have a big party in a way that's meaningful to you, if that's what floats your boat, but don't let your desires be manufactured by the wedding industry.

Does anybody really look at their wedding photos enough to need to bother with all the faff and expense? We have the proofs and 1 A4 size shot which cost a grand total of £70. A friend spent over £2k on their photos and seemed shocked that we really weren't bothered about ours. Admittedly our wedding was 20 years ago, but we're still together and just see the photos as a nice momento of a nice day. They're not actually that important in the great scheme of things.

Thats exactly right kernowal. I have 2 albums, 1 professional and 1 with snaps from other people. Can't remember the last time I looked at them. They are right at the back of a high up cupboard. I don't even think I have had them out to show my DD.

Burren I did have a big party but it was simple. Everyone I wanted to be there was invited (including dc), church for the vows, local reception for speeches, meal and dancing. I had a night out at our local pub for hen night and no request for presents in our invites, no favours etc. I completely agree with you that people let the wedding industry plan their day which end up being just all showy stuff that means nothing to the couple.

Oh is this going to turn into another 'we got married on a sixpence in wilfully scruffy clothing then dined on half a pork pie' thread?

I don't think I'm particularly pandering to the wedding industry to wish I look a little more relaxed and a little less dorky in my wedding photos.