Thinking about affording IVF - I've hopefully name changed for this

[Whyohwhy2]

As I know people will not agree and I can't cope with the stress at the moment.

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2577344/Our-IVF-dream-shattered-got-food-poisoning-Tesco-rotisserie-chicken.html

I feel really sorry for this woman and her husband, but people are leaving it later and later - I'm sure financial will be one of the reasons, to start a family. I hate this compensation culture, but my real question is, if you can't afford another cycle of IVF, are you in a position to have a baby/babies since two embryos are usually implanted.

Now of course babies are cheap, breastfeeding can save costs, baby food make your own, but they soon stop being so cheap to bring up. School uniforms, nurseries fees if you go back to work, uniforms, activities, food, everything costs so much yet they can't afford the £5000 for an IVF cycle- I believe Tesco are now doing the drugs needed at a reduced cost.

Am I being horrible or do you find it difficult to believe- if two people are working full time and are 41, shouldn't they be able to afford it?

Blonde I think its very unfair you didn't get funding, and sorry to hear about your partner, must of been so tough, in my area they do fund even if the woman has a child as long as its not with her current partner, they also fund same sex couple and singles, very very generous

'Oh and they are not 'just' embryos. FFS.'

Sure they are. That's their proper name. Then, if things go well, it's a foetus. W?hat else is it? Someone's naturally conceived embryo may mean just as much as anyone else's.

And women in the 2 weeks following ovulation may well have a fertilised egg, a gamete, that implants and then no period and she is considered pregnant.

Sorry if it comes across as insensitive, but this idea that women are pregnant when they are not as there has been no implantation is a fallacy that reduces women to incubators.

And women who conceive naturally don't just 'release an egg' each month. By the time that egg, if fertilised, reaches their uterus it's in the same state yours was when it was put back in. They are not pregnant until it implants.

Yes, it's unfair and sucks when that doesn't happen naturally. Life isn't fair.

The reality is this gal is too old now except for private treatment, there is no way to prove Tesco did it but she's chancing her arm suing them probably using a no win-no fee solicitor who is taking advantage of her.

Thanks :) was and still is at times very tough :( but you have to pick yourself up and carry on and live your life or what's the point of living

Before I started ttc I always said every woman deserves one chance on the nhs - and still stand by this - or nhs should add up what you have claimed over the years lol esp as I'm am so healthy and never cost the nhs anything

But there we go - hence why dp and I are saving as much as we can to fund ivf and what we don't have we will put on the credit card

If someone wants something badly whether a holiday - new kitchen - ivf - etc - they will find a way to try and get the money

She is wrong to blame and want to sue tescos

Blondes - will keep everything crossed that all goes super well for you and you get your baby.

Fingers and toes crossed blondes.

I do hope she finds a way to fund another go, or help from a donor if need be. Would have loved to be able to help a very dear friend whose last two rounds have failed - donating eggs and/or straight surrogate - but at 43 am far too old.

You, too, Blondes.

You are unreasonable and it sounds, don't live in the real world.

Millions of people who will never be able to afford a one off £5000 payment have and successfully bring up children. Where does this idea you need to be rich to have kids/be a good parent come from?

People manage to afford children on benefits, and many of these children do very well in life. Its a myth you need to be well off to have kids.

I think she probably will get some (fairly nominal) amount of compensation for the food poisoning. She was hospitalised I think. So she will be due a payout for that if she can show that Tesco didn't follow food safety practices in some way (which seems likely, given the result). But the link with IVF appears to me to be unprovable as it is more likely than not (for anyone, not just her) that an IVF cycle will fail and this is particularly the case given the odds at her age.

expat I see the logic in what you are saying, but knowing that your embryos are sitting in a petri dshes is very emotive. I'm a fairly unemotive person but I found I "missed" mine and couldn't wait for them to come home on transfer day. And then KNOWING that you have an embryo in you feels completely different to the 2ww on a natural cycle (of which I have had more than I care to count).

'And women in the 2 weeks following ovulation may well have a fertilised egg, a gamete, that implants and then no period and she is considered pregnant.'

It is very hard to get pregnant though, even though many people manage to do it with no fuss and bother.

You have to have sex at a particular time with health swimming sperm and when an egg is released. Not every woman releases an egg every month.

I think what you are trying to say is rather simplistic expat, but that's
Pretty standard for people who have had relatively no problems conceiving a therefore no real knowledge nor empathy for those who struggle.

I would just like to add my experience to the 'women leaving it too late' argument. I first ttc at 28, eventually had my first DC at 42 after 14 years of tests, marriage break up over it, meeting DH, more tests, 7 IVF cycles and one miscarriage. It seriously took that long for them to finally identify the issue, fix it, and the next cycle worked (as did the one after that with DC2). I have had more than my fair share of people accusing me of all sorts for the IVF, my age, etc. sadly, usually women.

The comments about the poor woman looking 60 are horrendous. Admittedly she may be unlikely to succeed against Tesco, but I hope she gets the family she wants.

Incidentally, mine was funded by my having the good fortune to buy property in an area of London that went through the roof. No way could I have afforded it on our salaries alone.

Lambzig I'm glad you got your family and your story illustrates the OP's ignorance regarding people "leaving it later and later".

Fertility investigations took up a large part of my 20's, not everyone starts TTC at 40!

Hang in! The oddest thing of all about this odd case... is that the branch of Tesco that she got the chicken from is called Wombwell...

I had ivf and agree that it costs way more than £3000. And I also think its bizarre for her to have consumed such questionable meat under the circumstances. We are all told to avoid certain types of higher-risk food during pregnancy, like soft cheese and shellfish. She needed to be more careful. I was scrupulous about my diet at that point.

'Pretty standard for people who have had relatively no problems conceiving a therefore no real knowledge nor empathy for those who struggle.'

You are assuming I had no problems.

'Leaving it too late' is woman-hating bollocks! Anytime someone trots that out I tend to tune them out, a bit like the OP, who has scarpered after taking the coward's way out and NCing rather than post her opinions honestly.

Thanks for all good luck vibes - I hope to come on mn one day and shout from the rooftops that I am preg :)

Problem is what is leaving too late? I ttc at 33 - a good age I thought - dh and I had worked hard - could afford to take a year off work & pay the mortgage etc

First 6mths thought hmmmm why aren't I'm preg - tmi but had enough bloody sex !!!!

Went to gp and he said dh and I were young and carry on trying and come back a year later. So now 34.5 - went back and gp sent me for odd tests and put on waiting list for nhs ivf. 2 years later get on list - now 37 - dh then sadly committed suicide :( obv all baby plans stopped

Year later 38.5 met my dp - had serious chat and he was happy ttc - I said had been for a few years with dh and no baby. Back to gp - he sent me for more tests (which I would have had early with dh but obv stopped) found out have blocked tube and surgeon said I won't get preg naturally and of want a baby ivf

Went back to gp and then found as dp has kids (all in 20's) that I loses nhs ivf and private is only way

Now heading up for 41

Never thought falling preg would be this hard - it's so unfair that some people just cough and get preg :( but that's life / you deal with it as no choice !!!!

Maybe GPS should sent for tests asap - not wait for 12/18mths as ' you are young and healthy and will prob happen soon ' -let alone then a few years wait for nhs ivf

I have friends in their early 30's and have said to them if they want kids to start ttc soon - hopefully they should fall preg but if not may take 3+yrs to be able to start ivf - that's if they can get it - as a real postcode lottery :(

Rant over - sorry post was longer then I thought x

It's a bit off to think a couple in their 40s should be able to afford 5k in one go. That just sounds spoilt and shows very little intelligence about the people around you. What about low income, hard workers? For a lot of people it could take many years to save thousands but it doesn't mean you shouldn't be trying for a family or can't afford to raise kids. Ivf is rarely going to be that 5k price anyway and people on average need 3 rounds so it becomes a very expensive gamble.

I was 33 when I did my ivf cycles and I looked like an old woman and I felt double my age. All those drugs, the worry and anxiety caused sleepless nights. Days and days doubled over in pain, Weight gain and just generally feeling crap. Then there is the emotional fallout with failed ivf which is a lot more unpleasant. 6 months on I am still trying to get back to my old self again. So it is extremely unsavoury of certain people on here to be so merciless about how this poor woman looks which has nothing to do with her case anyway. I hope to goodness you aren't parents and teaching your offspring how to be callous as well.

People who have never had to consider fertility treatment should be forever grateful that they have never been in that very distressing world. I know many offer kindness but others just see it as an opportunity to thump ivf and the people who find themselves having to go through it.

Blimey some of the ignorance and attitudes towards IVF is shocking.

Embryo implantation starts on day 4 after transfer.

The little one who didn't make it when transferred along with my twins is a lot more than "just" an embryo to me.

I also think it's not beyond the realms of reality that it would have worked(her first round did).

Tbf I think given how much money Tesco makes it wouldn't break them to fund a cycle as a measure of goodwill.

I can see why she is blaming Tesco tbh and I agree with retro 're Tesco and tbh that money is peanuts to Tesco, they could have given it to her as a goodwill gesture and had she then got preg and had a baby they could have got a bit of good publicity.

Blonde

I wish you all the best.

Yes now they just look horrible along with being purveyors of dodgy chicken.

Hmm won't lure me back.

Bet Sainsbos would have seen her right.