Thinking about affording IVF - I've hopefully name changed for this

[Whyohwhy2]

As I know people will not agree and I can't cope with the stress at the moment.

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2577344/Our-IVF-dream-shattered-got-food-poisoning-Tesco-rotisserie-chicken.html

I feel really sorry for this woman and her husband, but people are leaving it later and later - I'm sure financial will be one of the reasons, to start a family. I hate this compensation culture, but my real question is, if you can't afford another cycle of IVF, are you in a position to have a baby/babies since two embryos are usually implanted.

Now of course babies are cheap, breastfeeding can save costs, baby food make your own, but they soon stop being so cheap to bring up. School uniforms, nurseries fees if you go back to work, uniforms, activities, food, everything costs so much yet they can't afford the £5000 for an IVF cycle- I believe Tesco are now doing the drugs needed at a reduced cost.

Am I being horrible or do you find it difficult to believe- if two people are working full time and are 41, shouldn't they be able to afford it?

I think if I was so desperate for a child, the LAST thing I would eat would be a rotisserie chicken. You can not be sure they are kept hot enough.

I would have been treating my body as a temple and being utterly neurotic about what I ate and drank.

Thanks MyFeet

Trust me wish I didn't need to but not got much choice, got 0% chance on conceiving anyway then this menopause diagnosis came too!

I think SSS wasn't meaning to claim they were good for the state so much, just maybe they are more likely to be less of a drain on it? Its not a guarantee that it will be like that but I imagine you won't get many ivf babies born into 'benefits' who in turn will carry the cycle on, ivf even on the NHS takes a huge lot of commitment and I don't imagine those who do drain everything they can out of the system would have the commitment to do it

As it happens I have a full set of meds I had from the NHS which they couldn't take back when they canceled my cycle, they would cost over £1,500 to someone cycling privately, I found a lady on here i didnt know and met her and donated them to her to save her some money on a private cycle, the cost of ivf privately is crazy money and I know how lucky I am to be funded so I was glad to help someone else, you will never know the pain of infertility unless you or someone close has been touched by it, if you would of asked me at 23 did I think someone like me should of got 3 cycles of ivf on the NHS you know I would probably have said no in my ignorant young mind, but after 7 years of heartache and my life being on hold I absolute do, I do understand frustrations when people think its being funding just because someone left it too late but that tends to be in the private sector anyway

Lauren

To be honest, when I had IVF no one told me that I shouldn't eat certain things. I was told to get some rest but that I could carry on as normal.

Eating cooked chicken seems like a pretty normal thing someone might do if they were planning on just relaxing and not wanting to worry about fixing meals etc.

People leaving it late.

You mean women leaving it 'too late' OP. Lets get this clear.

It's a sad sad fact that nature is stuck thinking we are all likely to die before we get to 45, and typically therefore starts to put the breaks on women's fertility at mid 30s. Or even earlier. mid thirties.

Where exactly in our society are the allowances being made for women needing to put their hopes/dreams/careers on the back burner and ''get on with it'' ie:breeding, before nature deems it too late? (Oh and of course get busy saving up 5k in case they, or their partner has a medical issue and cant conceive without help) I don't see any. Quite the opposite! We haven't even achieved true equality in the work place yet. Let alone any allowances be made.

Unlike in the past, women are now:

• Persuing their careers. (shock horror!)
• Confident enough to leave unhappy lives and try for a second family/first child with a new partner.
• Trying to wait till they are financially able to support a child.
• Trying to wait till they are financially stable independantly from the man in the relationship.

Or possibly just not finding the right partner till their mid thirties. Or simply not feeling ready.

... but damn them all for 'leaving it late'

Thanks OP. I left it "late" as you deem it as I didn't get married until I was 31 and then DH developed Type 1 diabetes. Bastard.

It took 6 IVF attempts. That's quite a lot of saving I think you'd agree. Neither the NHS nor Tesco chipped in.

This particular case has many oddities, but whilst its unlikely this lady's IVF failed or not die to food poisoning you've got to have a modicum of sympathy for her.

There is so much ignorance about IVF. I started trying when I was 28. We had both finished university, in good jobs, had bought our own house, got married. We tried for a year with no luck then started all the tests needed for diagnosis. There is nothing quick about the process. I'm now 32. Our infertility is a result of DH having been born with an undescended testicle, he can't make enough sperm so IVF is a treatment for a medical problem. So far we have spent close to £5000 on testing and IVF and we still don't have a baby. Infertility is gut wrenchingly awful. I don't think it is something I will ever get over.

To say that if you can't pay for ivf yourself then you shouldn't have a baby is just ridiculous. Do you think all pregnant women have £5000 plus of savings in the bank that are not earmarked for anything else?

As to the original article then I don't think the woman will win her case. I think the couple are being badly advised but the idea that she shouldn't have eaten the chicken is silly, what is ok to eat? Tesco shouldn't be selling food that isn't fit for human consumption.

I don't she has a hope of winning the case. If I recall correctly rotisserie chicken is on the list of things you are meant to avoid when pregnant, my midwife told me not to eat it anyhow along with soft cheese etc, so Tesco can argue that she was acting against medical advice by eating it and whilst they have every sympathy it was a consequence of her behaviour.

There is something about not eating pre cooked or processed meat in the preg. guide lines, yes. Its the first thing DH thought of when we talked about this thread yesterday.

I think she's been badly advised, to push ahead with this. It's not like Tesco couldn't afford the 3k she wants, but they wont pay up. It would set a huge precedent.

I feel for her.

Lauren

"I think SSS wasn't meaning to claim they were good for the state so much, just maybe they are more likely to be less of a drain on it?"

This is an equally unpleasant thing to say, as was your comment on benefits. Slippery slope...

This the bit where you accuse me of saying people on benefits shouldn't have acess to the NHS?

I put a disclaimer above where I seperate spongers from those needing to claim benefits through no fault of their own

I still stand by the fact I think I know where SSS was coming from with it, lets not take away from the fact this is about people not being entitled to NHS help to have children, if that riles so many people why is an issue me referencing benefits?

Has it ever occurred to anyone that the woman in question may have not even seen a midwife, as she wasn't far enough along in her pregnancy yet.

She was in the 2ww.

I feel for her so much - and bad food handling processes from Tesco makes me mad and if she does win I kinda think it serves them right. They need to sharpen up their act.

But she needs counselling not making fun of or being called names. A burning sense of injustice when really the odds were so low and nothing can be proved or the clock turned back doesn't help.

As others have said I take issue with the solicitor wanting to make a name for them self rather than acting with her client's best interest at heart.

Chipped, she was not pregnant. She had two embryos put back and then the wait to see if they implanted. They did not.

She looks older than my 61 year old MIL (who does look young for her age but not 20 years younger). I'd wager that if her face is old beyond her years then so is her body.

The law is an arse then. If that's the case then plenty of us are pregnant nearly every month. It's just embryos, not pregnant, however much she wishes that were true.

But expat most women in the 2ww haven't got embryos, the egg won't have been fertilised and so conception hasn't happened. She had embryos put back not eggs. You are told to consider yourself pregnant until proven otherwise with a blood test, but I was never told anything about cooked chicken and I've just checked the nhs website and it's not listed as a food to avoid. At 41 her chances of ivf working are very, very slim. I doubt the food poisoning was the reason but she's probably feeling totally wretched and is looking for someone to blame.

Lauren I need to accuse you of nothing, your post speaks for itself. Please don't accuse me of steering the topic away when you made your irrelevant and frankly, absurd comments before I did.

This topic is not about the postcode lottery of the NHS which is outrageous btw - whether in relation to IVF or not. The lady in question is trying to sue Tesco. As someone with fertility problems, my heart goes out to her but she's directing her distress in the wrong direction.

Part of me thinks op is nbu

I've been tcc for 7ish on and off years - got told last year that I won't fall preg naturally :(

7yrs ttc - 3ish years with dh who sadly died almost 3yrs :( we were on nhs ivf list when he died - year later meet a new man who is happy ttc - 18mths + trying with him - back to gp and ivf but as he has kids means I lose my one go on nhs

This is so unfair - but as a baby is something I (we) want so badly my dp an I have been working and saving to pay for private ivf - about £7k

So yes if someone is desperate for a baby then they should try and come up with the money by saving / paying on credit card / loan etc

It will be hard to get a loan out and pay it off over 2yrs esp if treatment fails :( - paying for nothing iyswim - but it's something we need to do and try

The lady in the article should be grateful she got 2 free nhs ivfs - tho my heart goes out to her that she didn't get preg/ have a baby

Ray down, thanks for checking the cooked meat thing. I am absolutely certain that no one ever told me not to eat it, or to be cautious. No midwife ever told me this either.