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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Invited for lunch but then...

82 replies

Oodfanjo · 09/03/2014 18:00

DH and I have DC aged 2 and 6w. We were invited to my Ddad's for Sunday lunch, which we've done many times before. There was my DGM, Ddad's DP, and three other adults (so 8 adults and a 2yo eating.)

We were sorting the kids out at the table whilst everyone was dishing up. I was bf DC2 at the table, DH was helping DS with his lunch- serving/chopping up. Everyone else served themselves and started tucking in. This ALWAYS happens. DH served mine and then his (as I was bf it was a bit tricky juggling gravy etc!). When he went to serve his there was plenty there for him but not of everything, eg. All the broccoli had gone, all the parsnips etc, only a little mashed potato. I could tell DH wasn't too chuffed (he'd given me the bits that were left first, bless him!).

Anyway, I thought it was a bit off that there wasn't quite enough of everything but overall there was enough food for us, if that makes sense. Anyway, as we were leaving I saw boxes of food in the kitchen - for my DGM to take home for later/tomorrow. I know my DGM is older but she is fit, well, healthy etc and gets out and about every day etc. So firstly, AIBU that there was more food (ie the stuff that DH lacked) but it was kept back? And secondly, AIBU to be pissed off that every single fucking time we eat there everyone helps themselves and starts digging in before we've even started dishing up our own meal? And before you ask, no, I haven't said anything and I doubt I ever will because it has always been like this, even before my DM died.

OP posts:

BrianTheMole · 09/03/2014 18:07

I'd make a sarcastic comment about it, i.e. hey, thanks for leaving me some , and see what they say. And if it happened again I wouldn't go back. And say something like, thanks for the offer, but I'm hungry so I thought I'd eat at home today.

ImperialBlether · 09/03/2014 18:10

I would hate that! It's so rude. Do you have to go for meals? I would be really tempted to say something, either before going or at the time. Who is cooking? Are they just not cooking enough?

ImperialBlether · 09/03/2014 18:10

Were the boxes of food already cooked?

CoffeeTea103 · 09/03/2014 18:13

Yabu and so petty.

SuburbanRhonda · 09/03/2014 18:14

You've got a few options here, OP, depending on how keen you are on confrontation .

Say something to your DDad.
Say something to everyone at the table, e.g. "Could you please make sure there's enough left for DH and me as I have to feed my baby right now."
Feed your baby before dinner is served so you're free to elbow everyone out of the way to get what you want.
Have a snack before you go.

I sympathise - it's even worse when you're vegetarian as meat eaters often happily help themselves to the veggie stuff as well

WorraLiberty · 09/03/2014 18:14

I just don't get things like this

You're close enough to all sit down to Sunday lunch, but you feel unable to simply point out what keeps happening?

HadABadDay2014 · 09/03/2014 18:15

Do you pay any money towards the meal.

usualsuspect33 · 09/03/2014 18:17

Can't you get in first?

Poppy67 · 09/03/2014 18:17

Next time get in first!

Northernlurker · 09/03/2014 18:18

It's extremely rude that everybody helps themselves without an eye to the rest of the party AND starts eating before all are served. I would stop going and if they ask why be honest - you don't want your dc growing up selfish, greedy and rude.

LostTeacher · 09/03/2014 18:19

Are they possibly trying to give you a hint that you spend far too long sorting out your DS before dishing up your own food?

We go to dinner at DP's family and we're often the only ones with DC. But we dish up our dinner at the same time as the other childless adults and so this wouldn't be an issue? (Although we do also have to contend with the boxed up hidden food in the kitchen for takeaways)!

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 09/03/2014 18:22

Weird response. Most meat eaters are omnivores ie eat bloody everything. Why wouldn't they help themselves to everything on offer (the scumbags?!?)? I get your host hasn't supplied better food but that's not the others fault, just your host.

pussycatdoll · 09/03/2014 18:22

Do you ever host Sunday lunch at yours op ?

MrsCakesPremonition · 09/03/2014 18:23

Genuinely shocked that people don't wait for everyone to be served before starting to eat.
Next time fill up your plates before you chop up DS's food. It sounds like you nee sharper elbows.

MissBetseyTrotwood · 09/03/2014 18:23

I think yabu re the dgm's food. But then I think in our family we are sometimes overly deferential/indulgent of our very elderly relatives. She may tire easily in the evenings and those meals really help.

Yanbu re the serving though. Just bad manners. Defo needs addressing with family!

pussycatdoll · 09/03/2014 18:25

But northernlurker - if I was hosting & mydinner was all ready to be served I wouldn't be happy waiting for people

It can take 45 minutes to breast feed
Is everyone meant to wait while the food goes cold??

whiteblossom · 09/03/2014 18:25

Just tell your dad to cook more or dish it all, he might not have realised. Next time you and dh share a plate and when you get funny looks tell them there was only enough left for one plate left!

This just reminded me of my MIL, cooks plenty but only dishes up half- the other half goes in her frezzer while we are all left still hungry...Its bloody frustrating and rude, if you have guests then feed 'em. I'd be mortified if there was not enough food to go round.

Eghamite · 09/03/2014 18:26

You are in a family gathering, so it is up to you or your DH to speak up. YABU. You cannot be backwards at coming forward.

Floggingmolly · 09/03/2014 18:26

Fill your plates before sorting the kids... Do you seriously sit there feeding them first (both of you?) hoping that there'll be enough left in the serving dishes when you're ready to dish up for yourselves?
If it's an ongoing problem why do you keep doing the same thing?
If you keep on doing what you've always done you'll keep on getting what you've always got. In your case, no sprouts

TidyDancer · 09/03/2014 18:26

I can't figure out why DH didn't dish up for all of you before cutting your DCs food up. Wouldn't this be better and avoid the problem?

maddy68 · 09/03/2014 18:28

So he wants to make sure his mum has enough to eat the bastard

Grow up.

BackforGood · 09/03/2014 18:29

I'm with Worra - I can't perceive of a family lunch, where I felt I couldn't say "oh, could you put some onto dh and my plates whilst you are at the broccoli / potatoes / whatever". I mean, what family can't ask each other to do something like that for them ???

Viviennemary · 09/03/2014 18:29

Just get in there and make sure you get your share. It sounds like a free for all with nobody checking to see if other people are getting enough. So you both were occupied and not serving yourselves and then were surprised there wasn't enough left. YABU.

lougle · 09/03/2014 18:30

If your baby DS is only 6 weeks old, and you've had this problem many times before, then the fact that you were breastfeeding your 6wo isn't the issue, is it?

Why couldn't you breast feed him before lunch was ready, so that he'd sleep through lunch? Or, breast feed him after lunch was served, so that you were free to serve yourself?

Also, the order is wrong. Serving the food comes before eating it, so cutting the food for the two year old DS should have been done after serving - it's only a couple more minutes.

I don't like the idea of everyone serving themselves, tbh. We tend to have one person (me) serving everyone - even at a dinner for 14. That way I can keep an eye on portion control. If everyone serves themselves it's a bit like a buffet - the people at the front stack their plates up and the people at the back end up scraping the bottom of the dish to get even a small portion.

AnnieMaybe · 09/03/2014 18:31

Is there a reason why your DH can't plate up for you. DS and him at the same time?

Could he put 1 1/2 times the food on his plate then put some on DS's plate?

I'd being saying something, it's not rude to point out people are not leaving enough for your family.

Why do you think there is not enough food prepared? Do the others finish everything on their plate?

Even though you say your grandmother isn't frail etc I think it's a nice gesture to give her some for tomorrows dinner

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