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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I find my baby hard work in the evenings and wonder how I would cope with two dc?

37 replies

RedPencilPot · 06/03/2014 19:52

Dc is 13 months and a v chilled out baby but he is a nightmare in the evenings. He cries and moans and no matter what I do to try and entertain him he isn't having any of it. I collect him from childminders at 4.30 and we have fun for about an hour and then from about 5.30 until bedtime at 7 he seems so aggravated. I know it's tiredness because the second I put him in his cot he falls straight asleep.

I find the evenings with him v hard going and my dh works in the evenings so I have no help.

I wonder how I would cope of there were 2 dc, we are trying! Obviously I know the v small person stage will pass.

Do other people find the evenings tough or is it me?

OP posts:

formerbabe · 06/03/2014 19:55

Your 2nd DC might be very different. I had one chilled out, placid baby and one screaming nightmare of a baby!

Jeregrette · 06/03/2014 19:58

Can you put him to sleep a bit earlier. My 3yr old goes to bed at 6.30 since she dropped her nap.

With two bedtimes are tricky but not so much when you first have a baby (particularly if you are breastfeeding) as you can take them both upstairs and baby can clamp on whilst you read to the older one.

For a long time when DD2 became a crawler I needed help at bedtimes, someone to look after DD2 whilst I settled DD1 but then DD1 always needed me to lie down with her.

now DD2 has dropped her nap its got easier as I can take DD2 up first and leave DD1 downstairs watching Tv for 15 minutes or so.

The after school bit until bedtime is not so nice though as the two of them fight/argue/scream cry/moan/niggle as they are both tired from school and nursery. 4-6 is definately the worst bit of the day and you will spend your time refereeing. I usually have to put TV on just to be able to cook tea and to calm them down. I dont feel guilty as otherwise it would be carnage

ikeaismylocal · 06/03/2014 20:40

My 14 month old goes to bed between 5 and 6, he is too tired to stay up later. Could you put your child to bed earlier?

CrazyOldCatLady · 06/03/2014 20:41

Put him to bed earlier. DS used to go to bed at 6 every night because he just couldn't cope any later.

You're not doing either of you any favours by keeping him up.

Original poster

RedPencilPot · 06/03/2014 20:57

Really? Earlier than 7?

We had thought about this but it would just mean I wouldn't see very much of him.

OP posts:

Artandco · 06/03/2014 21:01

Can you not arrange that childminder gives him a nap later? Assuming x2 naps a day still. He could nap 10-11am, then 2-4pm. Then happy in the eve until 7ish

purplebaubles · 06/03/2014 21:02

6.30 bedtime. Bath at 6pm.

Think it's fair to say most babies quite grumpy during the 5pm onwards bit!!

Artandco · 06/03/2014 21:02

Actually I think mine still had x3 naps at that age, then slept 9pm-9am. I think he's tired

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 06/03/2014 21:05

My 5, 4 and 2 year old are in bed asleep by 630pm, every night. They all stir at about 630am but no one leaves their room till 7am (oldest reads/plays quietly, middle DC likes to get "dressed" and DC3 shouts/sings/shouts for half an hour). It means I can get up and shower!

I used to put DC3 to bed at 6pm in the early months just so I could get the other two to bed!

Your little one sounds exhausted - is he sleeping in the day? All mine have slept 2-3 hours in the middle of the day till about 2.5 years old.

Put him to bed early - he is still tiny!

mrswishywashy · 06/03/2014 21:07

I'd aim for earlier bed time too. Might be less time but will be happier time. And before you know it he will be able to stay up later.

crochetedblanket · 06/03/2014 21:08

Jesus 6pm bed time seems super early!! My 2.5yo is in bed at 8 and up by 6 and hasn't had a nap in over a year!! What time do your DC wake up if they go down at 6/6:30?

Edendance · 06/03/2014 21:08

Put him to bed earlier- he's exhausted!

curiousuze · 06/03/2014 21:10

Definitely let him go to bed earlier. If he's really knackered, skip the bath! Babies are grumpy this time of night - my DS is 15 months, and the only thing that cheers him up between 5pm and bed is being let run around naked just before his bath and widdling freely

Original poster

RedPencilPot · 06/03/2014 21:10

He might sleep for an hour to an hour and a half during the day or sometimes as little as twenty mins.

OP posts:

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 06/03/2014 21:12

I'd go for an earlier bedtime and see how that works.

A second dc could be very different to your first, and you will handle things differently 2nd time round simply because there are 2 to consider.

Purplepoodle · 06/03/2014 21:13

When I started work, I found daycare exhausted my ds at that age. I was lucky by the time I picked him up at 5.30pm if I could get some food into him before he wanted in bed at 6.30pm. I fly solo all the time.

My routine would be - dinner at 5pm, some quiet play, a bath with jim jams on at 6pm aiming to be in bed at 6.30pm (or even earlier if it's the end of the week).

I follow the same pattern with my older children (much to eldest dc disgust lol) they watch something like in the night garden while I'm putting the baby to bed, then I put each of the other to bed in age order with lots if story's being read.

ikeaismylocal · 06/03/2014 21:16

What time do your DC wake up if they go down at 6/6:30? ds goes to sleep between 5 and 6, he wakes between 5.30 and 7 and it doesn't seem to make any difference what time he goes to sleep.

I would say my 14 month old sleeps around 14 hours a day 11-13 hours at night and 1.5-3 hours in the day.

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 06/03/2014 21:48

Just to add that it will take a few days for him to adjust to an earlier bedtime and for you to see the benefits. Persevere. Get black out blinds (especially now it is lighter) and don't go into his room till YOU are ready to start the day!as he gets older, he will then learn to wait quietly till morning (7am in our house).

Silentelf · 06/03/2014 21:57

DC1 will be a totally different person in another few months time. My DC1 was also like that, until he got older/ used to nursery. By age 2 he could easily stay up til 8 without screaming. He's now 2.8 and although can be a bit moany in the evenings he is past the screaming stage. Now I have a 10 month old who screams all evening instead :) but I know it won't last forever and bedtime is 7, hopefully will work towards 8pm

hippoesque · 06/03/2014 22:06

Maybe do bath times straight after dinner. Then he'll be ready for bed and if he starts getting grumpy he can go straight to sleep. It might seem sad that you're cutting your time down but the time you do have together might be more fun and relaxed?

BackforGood · 06/03/2014 22:29

Your 2nd won't be the same as your first. All babies and toddlers are different and, just when you think you've cracked on issue, they will have a little growth spurt and change anyway, so your 14month old won't be like this in a couple of months time necessarily.
Sympathies though - that time bfter a day at work, when the dc are also tired when you collect them from the CMs, is really hard work for the first 11 years or so particularly if you are the only adult there and outnumbered by your dc.

rachyconks · 06/03/2014 22:34

We don't get home until 6pm! Then DD still needs dinner & bathed. She's 15 months. She has her longer nap at around 10/11 for around 1.5 hrs then will have 45-1hr in the afternoon (though she seems to be dropping this). She goes for bath at 7 and in bed by 7:30-7:45. Up for the day around 7am. (Though she still doesn't sleep through ).

Standinginline · 06/03/2014 22:42

They do get better ,and even a couple of months can make a difference. My son was a right sort round peoples houses and I remember crying at the time thinking he wouldn't improve ; about 6 months later he'd completely changed and was and still is a pleasure to visit people with. If you fell now ,that's 9 months for things to improve.

I know what you mean though about the evenings an partner working. I have two kids ,a 3 year old and a 6 month old. Some nights it can a nightmare. Sons very stubborn and daughter can be very clingy. Partner only works 2 evenings a week so I choose those evenings to give them a early dinner and then go to supermarket ,go for a walk which kills time (kids are always a delight when were out ) so by the time I come back it's time for bath and bed :)

Artandco · 07/03/2014 06:48

Can you ask his childminder to work on his naps? If he can nap 3 hrs in the day it will be far easier for you in the eve.

My almost 3 year old still has a 2 hr day nap

underachievingmum · 07/03/2014 06:57

When I'm on my own my 5 and 3 year old are often in bed by 6 or 630pm - reading/looking at books until they turn the light off so that I can bath the baby and put her to bed now 6 months.

When dc2 and 3 were very small bedtime for older sibling was timed with sling time for them. Got very adept at reding bedtime story while jiggling a baby.

I would go for an earlier bedtime - no point in keeping him up to spend time with him if all are miserable

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