To consider an abortion?

[ExquisiteChristmasCakes]

I'm 12+ weeks pregnant (unplanned). This is child number 3. My husband last week has just gone back to his old job, meaning I had to stop my business to look after the children (he was a SAHD but at his work he can earn double what I can). I am suffering from hyperemesis and have done with all of my pregnancies, and now I feel like PND is creeping it's ugly head in. I spent all of last night in tears wondering how I'm going to cope with a newborn, a two year old and a just turned four year old...how am I meant to be doing the school run if the baby is due it's breakfast (bf)? I genuinely don't think I can cope and I feel if I continue with this pregnancy I'll end up resenting my husband and snapping at my existing children. I guess I just feel things would run smoother if this baby wasn't happening. I'm sick of feeling sick and tired and run down to the extend where I can't even be a decent SAHM because I genuinely don't even feel up to driving most days. My husband is fully supportive of whatever is best for me. Please know judgemental posts, I'm really on the edge today.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

Oh dear . I am sorry you are feeling this way. OP, if you feel that a termination would be the best thing for yourself & your family then please feel no guilt about that.

It does sounds from your posts though as if you are not totally against the idea of a 3rd, but are just (understandably) at the end of your tether with PND & HG. You say that you used to run a business but gave it up when your DH returned to work and that you are worried about coping as a SAHM to all three DCs.

If YOU would be happier continuing to work and employing a nanny to help with the children (or alternative childcare if a nanny is too expensive), then please please do that . There are many parents who would not be happy being a SAHP and who prefer to work. They all use some form of childcare to enable them to do this. There is absolutely no element of shirking your responsibilities by working & using a nanny. In the long run, three children with a kind, caring nanny and a happy mother will be much happier, well adjusted little people than three children with a very sad, depressed, unhappy mother who is at home all day but wishing she wasn't there.

But, if I am wrong, and it is not the "coping" that worries you but the actual third child then no, YANBU, to consider not continuing with the pregnancy. Your body, your choice.

[GimmeDaBoobehz]

I'm really sorry you are feeling so low.

If it's the same as the post natal depression you had, then I'd say it's probably mostly that. It's likely to be anxiety about these things magnified, iyswim.

As far as palming off your children I'd only say that was the case if you had someone all the time. If you had someone who helped out say from 8-11 during the week and then did it yourself during the weekends, I don't see that as palming off at all. What about those houses where both parents work? You aren't doing anything wrong. It will be you that your baby has an attachment to.

That being said I would talk to a professional about how you are feeling. As far as I'm aware the whole procedure after 9/10 weeks is surgical, which makes it a bit more complicated but you'll be given correct information so that you and your partner can make a good decision.

I hope you come to the right conclusion for you all.

What a horrible way to feel. :(

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

I do think that 12 weeks is really really hard part of pregnancy. You feel sick and exhausted all the time, your clothes are starting to feel a teeny bit uncomfortable and no one makes any allowances because they don't know.

Both my children were very planned but I still had "what have I done?" feelings at 12 weeks. From about 14 weeks onwards I loved pregnancy but up until that point was awful.

One thing I looked at when I was pregnant with dc2 was getting a babysitter for the odd afternoon. My plan was that they would play the role of second parent while dh was at work. I would still be there and taking care of them but if I needed the toilet or to put the washing on or just to hide in the kitchen eating cake then there would be someone else also there to help. A bit of a google showed that there are loads of students who are desperate to do this. In the end I didn't need to but it comforted me when I was terrified during my second pregnancy.

I also think you need to try and get some childcare right now and go back to bed / out with your dh / swimming / shopping for a couple of days. You have an enormous decision to make and ou need space and time to make it.

[nerofiend]

Dear OP, I was in a very similar situation when I fell pregnant the third time, and did have an abortion as I didn't feel I could handle another pregnancy neither from a physical or psychological point of view.

It's your body and your mind, so you have to listen to them both. My second one was 10 months when that happened and my DP and I knew we didn't want more children.

It's a hard decision to make and the answer is only in your hands, but whatever decision you take, you should feel at peace with yourself, and don't let anyone or anything make you feel guilty about it.

[Newgoldheelsrock]

OP I am pregnant with my third. Like you I had PNFafter both babies. This one was planned but we didn't think it would happen quite so soon.

I think you need to talk through everything with a professional before you make any decisions. Your worries about "palming the kids off" for example, is illogical. Perhaps that's the depression talking, a desire to make everything "perfect" and be "the perfect mum". No such thing! Everyone needs all the help they can get- this is an open secret surely!

Your mental and emotional health are as important as your physical health- sorry if that's stating the obvious- but all of these will probably suffer if you try to do it completely alone.

Everyone says the third one is the easiest because it has to be.

I would worry about you having regrets further down the road especially if you always talked of three.

[Newgoldheelsrock]

Sorry *pnd!

[MrsSeanBean1]

Just a quick note about hyperemesis. Mine was very very severe and caused me to slip into depression. I was put on a drug widely used in America called Zofran. It is actually an anti sickness drug used during chemo but has been used for years in the US for morning sickness so it is safe. It was a miracle drug for me and took the sickness away, allowing me to think straight again. Might be worth a go x

[flyingspaghettimonster]

It is your choice. 12+ weeks is quite far in though... I am not pro-life, but unless your health is really going to suffer and you are sure the sickness isn't just going to stop in the next few weeks, I would have thought it was better to continue the pregnancy.

[SuperScrimper]

I really don't think this should be in AIBU. There is a whole topic for this sort of thing.

[Bushbb]

when i was suffering with hyperemesis with my 3rd there were quite a few points when i thought i would abort - I chose not to in the end, but wanted to say I understand how you are feeling x

[Fruli]

NU to consider it, not at all. But you have to look at why you're considering it and whether or not it's the only option. Sickness may well shift soon, the dark cloud of depression needs help but will shift - do you still not want to continue without these to enormous factors? As for BF on the school run...sling? Top-up before going? Lift-share with friends and neighbours? DH do some? Help from CM/nanny/au pair? Lots of potential solutions. I don't think having some help is 'palming off the kids'. That would be giving them over the second they were born and not seeing them again until their wedding day might be exaggerating there

FWIW, I recently miscarried. Probably 7+ weeks. I was fairly ambivalent about the pregnancy for various reasons but now it's gone, I know I wanted it.

[thesecowsaresmallthosearefaraw]

Exquisite, I am the 3rd child in my family and I never once in my life felt wanted by my mother. Reading your post, I wondered if she would have written something similar all those years ago.

If your family is complete at 2 and you are happy and coping, then you should feel no guilt at all in terminating.

[stuckindamiddle]

seacows - that's very sad and must be difficult for you but are you really saying you wish you hadn't been born?

[thesecowsaresmallthosearefaraw]

On balance, yes.

But I think I would have been born as a different person. I think my soul would have gone "back" and been born in a different place.

I'm sorry, this is me talking rubbish. I just wanted to offer OP the thought that if the family she has is already working, then perhaps it is worth protecting the status quo.