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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think parents should teach their children how to be around dogs?

130 replies

Glitteryconverse · 04/03/2014 13:44

I have two young children and a dog. My dog is very gentle and tolerant and plays so nicely with my children. Her negatives are that she is quite a barky dog (non-aggressive, just vocal) and tends to jump up at people in excitement. She also is easily scared and will jump out of her skin if she is busy sniffing and then suddenly notices another dog/person/leaf next to her. With that in mind, if a child approaches, I always squat down with her to stop her jumping up and keep her calm and explain to the child that she is very gentle but gets very excited. If I take her on the school run and have to tie her to the fence outside the playground, I always put her at the furthest point from the gate so she is away from everyone (there is a really yappy dog that is usually there anyway!). The only way to have contact with her like this is if you come off the pavement and climb up a small grass bank to get to her.

Today she came on the school run and I tied her in her usual place. When I came out of school one of the mums was waiting for me and said that from the playground she had seen a small child run up to my dog and that my dog seemed to snap at her. She wasn't sure of the exact details but said that the little girl had cried and gone off with her mum and so she wanted to let me know in case anything was said later.

I would bet my house that my dog didn't bite the child, I really would. What I suspect happened is that the child ran up the bank to my dog and made her jump which made her bark, or that she jumped up at the child. I have always taught my children that they are to ask the owner before they stroke a dog and to let it sniff their fingers first as you just never know what a dog is like. I'm a bit worried in case I am going to get told off my someone for this!

AIBU to think that IF my dog had snapped at the child, then it wasn't my dog's fault considering that she was well out of the way and had been approached by a stranger? What else could I have done (other than left her at home!)

OP posts:
Booboostoo · 04/03/2014 17:00

YABVU and it's quite worrying that you haven't learnt anything from this incident.

Dogs that are tied up can often become that bit more tense from the restriction on the lead. Dogs that are left alone can become that bit more stressed from separation anxiety. Dogs that are sensitive to noises and sounds may become more stressed near children shouting and running. You really set your dog up for a problem and all this in the middle of 100s of kids, not all of which, exactly like animals, can be relied upon to do the right thing all the time.

This is not a case of irresponsible parenting, it's a case of irresponsible dog ownership.

Original poster
Glitteryconverse · 04/03/2014 17:07

How have I not learnt anything????

A handful of times I have taken my dog on the school run. As is the norm at our school, I have tied her up at the fence whilst I have nipped my children in. Unlike the other dogs, I have put her in a place well away from the gate and not in the way of pedestrians - she is about 8 meters away from the pavement, up a grassy (muddy at the moment) bank. I was questioning the fact that parents let their children run up to strange dogs as I thought had happened today (it actually didn't at all). I was told IWBU regarding leaving her at the fence and then I AGREED with everyone, said I wouldn't take her again and did the school run solo this afternoon.

I'm not sure why you are so worried??

OP posts:
evertonmint · 04/03/2014 17:07

Just because it turns out that your fog didn't hurt the child, I hope this doesn't mean you're going to now change your mind and ignore everyone saying YWBU to leave your dog.

Anybody who leaves a dog unattended in a public space is an irresponsible dog owner. Today YOU were an irresponsible dog owner. By default you cannot know how your dog will respond when you are not there to crouch down or supervise. And if your dog attacks a person you have let down both your dog and that person and potentially caused immense harm to both.

Ignore the other irresponsible dog owners who do this, and bear in mind that you were lucky today. Please leave your dog at home when you do the school run for its sake as much as random children's.

Original poster
Glitteryconverse · 04/03/2014 17:09

I accepted quite early on in the thread that IWBU Confused

OP posts:
splasheeny · 04/03/2014 17:45

I think posters here are being quite harsh.

Op I have a dog, and see no problem with what you have done.

I am trying to train my child as well as my dog. Neither are perfect! Children run up to dogs, and my dog, while lovely and friendly, is excitable and tends to jump on people to kiss them.

MN is quite an anti-dog place.

mawbroon · 04/03/2014 18:05

"kiss them?

Hmm Hmm

hoppingmad · 04/03/2014 18:15

Hardly anti-dog Confused. I'm really rather fond of mine, wouldn't tie her up and leave her anywhere. For all the reasons mentioned up thread by (I think) LtEve - can't remember the exact name and I'm on my phone.

chocoluvva · 04/03/2014 18:26

I know how to "behave around dogs" but that doesn't stop me jumping out of my skin at a barking dog or intensely disliking a dog coming up to me.

Especially when they're muddy and/or slobbery and tripping me up.

Owning a pet dog is a choice made for the owner's benefit - knowing how to behave around it doesn't make it any less of a nuisance.

Sorry, but you sound like you are a victim-blaming.

HuskyBlueEyes · 04/03/2014 18:40

You weren't with the dog.
Your dog had no one to look to for safety and guidance.
She may well have snapped, given she only had herself to look to.
See it as a lesson, move on and be more careful in future.

splasheeny · 04/03/2014 19:05

Mawbroon yes dogs do give kisses. What's so surprising?

soverylucky · 04/03/2014 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirChenjin · 04/03/2014 19:10

Dogs don't give kisses! They'll lick you, and if you respond in a good way they might lick you again, but that's not the same as a kiss.

Fantissue · 04/03/2014 19:19

Dogs give kisses - FFS! If a man I didn't know tried to kiss me in the street I wouldn't be very happy - same as I'm not very happy when other people's dogs start trying to "kiss" me or "say hello" in the street.

AIBU to think dog owners need to learn that not everyone thinks their precious fur-baby is adorable?

nostress · 04/03/2014 19:21

Nervous dog owner here. Small yappy dog border terrier.. Wears a muzzle at all times out of the house and also when we have parties with children as guests. Shes never actually bit anyone except me when she completely freaked out scared beyond her wits and she just caught my leg (age 5) Since then muzzle.

Would never leave her tied up as she tends to back up when she is scared and therefore can escape her harness.

IamRechargingthankYou · 04/03/2014 19:52

YABU - I love dogs and most children and have both. I have trained my child from an early age to always ask if it's ok to "stroke your dog" (and can only think of one occasion when it was a definite (grumpy) "no" and a few when the owners have nicely advised best not - hence the child training).

We have had our dog since he was a puppy and ds was 4 (for 8yrs) and he is a lovely companion for us both, just a big boundy friendly chap. But he never came with us as 'walkies' on the school run, handy though it seems and others did. It's just that I know that not all children (and adults) feel comfortable around dogs and the school gates are the children's (and parents) 'domain' not the dog's.

So, whilst it's a good idea that parents should teach their children how to be around dogs (and all the other things that children have to be "around") YABU to expect it at the schoolgates.

PatrickStarisabadbellend · 04/03/2014 20:00

All dogs should be on a lead in public.

IamRechargingthankYou · 04/03/2014 20:01

Oh and apologies - I see your acceptance Of U - so here's some Thanks for asking a good U?

mawbroon · 04/03/2014 20:05

Erm, Hmm Hmm is not an expression of surprise.

Hmm
superchick · 04/03/2014 20:38

Not directed at OP at all but to some people/posters who think dogs have the same rights as humans:

AIBU to think dog owners need to learn that not everyone thinks their precious fur-baby is adorable?

and

Owning a pet dog is a choice made for the owner's benefit - knowing how to behave around it doesn't make it any less of a nuisance.

Hear hear. Get a less lethal pet, such as a gerbil or rabbit.

SirChenjin · 04/03/2014 20:39

All dogs should be on a lead in public

^
This.

Rommell · 04/03/2014 21:29

I also agree that all dogs should be on a lead in public. Most of them should be muzzled as well. People who come from other, more enlightened, countries, are horrified at the way that we allow dogs and their thicko owners to take over what are supposed to be public spaces - eg beaches, nature reserves, forests and the like. They are animals ffs.

SwingYourPantsNow · 04/03/2014 22:24

Absolutely cannot STAND it when dogs jump up on me, and I'm an adult. It isn't cute, it's not giving a kiss (WTF?! Get a grip!) If some adults hate it, then I can't begin to imagine being a small child who, after the dog has jumped at it, will be approximately the same size.
If you know your dog is nervous, excitable, prone to jumping up, you are being massively unreasonable tying it up outside a school.
(Yes, I know you say you didn't last time, I have RTFT) But to do it at all is asking for trouble.

Waltonswatcher1 · 04/03/2014 23:35

Dogs should not be left unattended .
They are the owners responsibility .
If you can't keep it near you , leave it at home .
My school won't allow dogs to be left on any railings , they have rightfully threatened to call the warden .

My children have been taught to stay clear from all dogs and to never approach them .

MrsCakesPremonition · 04/03/2014 23:42

I really resent the people who tie their dogs to the school fence while they go on to school premises to pick up/drop off their children.

My DS is very scared of dogs, every morning we have to walk past a yapping, jumping, over-excited row of unattended dogs. So DS always arrives in school tense and upset.

I think that if you have an excitable/nervous dog, then you arrange with another parent to walk your child to or from the school door while you wait with the dog.

poppins30 · 04/03/2014 23:49

YABU - it pisses me off when so many parents insist in bringing their dogs to school for drop off/pick up with the children.

Just leave the bloody things at home!

I'm not nervous around smaller dogs, but there's a bull mastiff and rottweiler and several golden retriever type dogs outside LOs school on a daily basis, and I don't think it's fair that the parents and kids have to walk past them. Not everyone likes dogs, and not all kids want to stroke/play with them either.

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