If you have a child at boarding school...

[curiousgeorgie]

Can I ask you why?

I know it's old but finally catching up on sky plus and watching the Harrow programme...

It seems so sad to send a child to boarding school, especially when some seem so resistant.

My DH said people do it because they have to, military etc.

So can I ask why you do it, if you do?

[higgle]

When I was little I wanted to go to boarding school very much. My brother didn't want to go but got sent anyway. My parents' rationale was that as I got into grammar school I was guaranteed a good education. There were doubts about whether my brother would pass so he didn't take the exam and went to boarding school. I was so jealous.

[squoosh]

Well, lots of reasons

• it's extremely expensive
  
• they can get as good an education at a day school
  
• wouldn't want to be apart from them
  
• lack of social diversity at these schools
  

Just because it isn't something I'd personally choose to do doesn't mean I assume people who do are cold unfeeling parents. I'd maybe consider it if I had an extremely talented thirteen year old who was offered a music scholarship or something like that.

[curiousgeorgie]

I haven't said anything you haven't.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Korma

Well done to your ds, I can't imagine how you feel because I try not to think about it, but she keeps reminding me.

I tuck her up in bed and some nights we have a cuddle, last night I got on her bed. She said no cuddles tonight mum, I want to get ready for x (name of school) I came downstairs and wept.

If I told her she couldn't go it would break her heart and she'd never forgive me. Its even a double whammy for us as we are a 45 min train journey away and she still wants to board. She would pack her bags and go tomorrow if we said yes, and sometimes gets angry suggesting we sre holding her back.

[feelingdizzy]

It depends on so many factors, the idea of flexi or weekly boarding sounds great and would suit many families.
Also as kids get older I can see the benefits, however I have seen the extreme effects of boarding schools at a young age my exh was a boarder from 5 years of age(forces family) it has really impacted his ability to make deep connections with people. He is fantastic superficially with everyone but has learned to bury his feelings.

[squoosh]

Sparklysilversequins 9 does sound very young but 4 is shocking. I didn't realise they took boarders at that age. Even by Victorian standards that seems young!

[morethanpotatoprints]

Sqoosh

I know you aren't being nasty but just wanted to point out, they are all different.

The one my dd wants to go to is free for us, it is a specialist education she could never receive at any day school. There are people who attend from all walks of life from sink council estate to dc of multi millionaires.

I agree with not wanting to be away from dd, but she comes first not me.

[fairnotfair]

Korma - I'm sure he'll have a great time! Deep breath and big smile when the time comes .

[Sparklysilversequins]

This was back in 1980 squoosh. She wasn't the only four year old there .

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I would live to be a matron at a boarding school, that's my dream job

[shil0846]

I was initially a "day boarder" (8am - 8.30pm) at a girls' boarding school. Most of the girls were full boarders. I loved being with my friends in the evening and felt like I was missing out when I had to go home.

I was desperate to become a proper boarder but at 11 my parents said I was too young. When I was 16 they relented and I became a weekly boarder. I felt I had the best of both worlds - endless fun with friends during the week and quality time with my parents at weekends and holidays.

If my DS wants to go when he's at the secondary school stage, and IF we could afford it, I would try to put my own feelings aside and let him go. It was such a great experience and made the transition to university really easy. I loved every minute of it.

Boarding doesn't suit everyone, but in my experience it offered a stable, nurturing, happy environment.

[squoosh]

That's sad Sparkly, poor little sausages.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Shil

If you don't mind me asking, looking back now you have your own ds, do you think your parents made the right decision in not allowing you to board at 11.
I am fed up with being the evil one

[Only1scoop]

My dp went at six....all very Enid Blyton....catching trains with wooden trunk....
Six though....and he only ever came home in the hols

[RestingActress]

My Mum was a boarder in the 1940s and hated it, DH boarded in the 70s and enjoyed it, my friends DD has just chosen to board for KS4.

The family moved to France for the DHs job, all the DCs went to the local international school, the others enjoyed it but the DD didn't so she chose to go to a boarding school just outside London - she texts / calls / snapchats / skypes several times a day, they fly back and forth for the odd weekend and she is flourishing there.

[derektheladyhamster]

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen I start my job as a boarding matron next week

[Tailtwister1]

I think it's such an alien concept to most of us, it's very easy to make assumptions.

We have friends who send their children to the same school as ours until they go to senior school and then they board during the week. They actually live within 20 minutes of the school, but the children board 4 mon-thurs because they love it. It gives them some independence and time with their friends which they really enjoy.

We also have a family member who teaches at a boarding school (he was a housemaster until recently) and he says that although there are some pupils who find it difficult due to home sickness the majority really thrive. The few that don't are carefully nurtured by the staff and usually settle by half term.

It does seem a bizarre way of living to those of us who haven't had any experience of it, but after actually speaking to people who have boarded you get an actual understanding of the benefits, which are many.

[ThisSummerBetterBeDarnGood]

Weekly boarding would have been perfect for me.

If not full time.

[higgle]

I think lack of social diversity is one of the reasons people send their children to boarding school, not why they decide not to.

[Abra1d]

I wish my children's schools had boarding for my two on a weekly basis, or at least on the odd night. I am sick of having to pick them up at 6pm, 9pm, 10pm on weeknights during the winter. And they are tired. It would clearly be better for them, aged 15 and 17, to spend the night at school. My son's school doesn't really do flexi boarding, only full.

[Crowler]

London day schools are so oversubscribed you may find your child at a school where they wish to flexi-board to avoid a long commute.

[diabolo]

My DS (14 yo) is a day boy at a school with a roughly 50/50 split between boarders and day pupils. He is gone from our house from 7.45am until well past 6pm every day and has school on Saturday mornings, followed by matches. He gets home around 5 pm on a Saturday.

He loves it. He has asked if can board, even though we only live a short distance away, because he has to come home just as his boarding friends start to have their fun, so we have agreed that we will seriously consider boarding for 6th form.

His boarding friends seem to have great relationships with their parents, there is certainly no indication that they feel unwanted by their parents. A decent proportion are from overseas, so DS use experiencing a vast array of other cultures via his friendships. I appreciate the school is not diverse socio-economically, even though many children have scholarships and bursaries, but it is vastly more ethnically and religiously diverse than the local state schools (I live in a very white British part of the UK).

We loved watching the Harrow programme, it was very much like what life is like for DS, except that he gets to sleep at home at the moment and his school is less posh and not famous.

I would choose boarding for him in the future.

[JennySense]

Interesting discussion. Apart from a friend in my 20s who boarded from 4, and friends of ours [son with dyspraxia and six figure earners], I don't really know much about boarding.
At the end of the day OP, this only ever going to be a choice for those with the money or employers to facilitate boarding.

[MeepMeepVrooom]

Personally not something I would ever choose but know two people who boarded and loved it.

One boarded because of parent in the forces and the other because they wanted to.

Don't see it as an issue as a whole but it definitely isn't something I would consider for my daughter