If you have a child at boarding school...

[curiousgeorgie]

Can I ask you why?

I know it's old but finally catching up on sky plus and watching the Harrow programme...

It seems so sad to send a child to boarding school, especially when some seem so resistant.

My DH said people do it because they have to, military etc.

So can I ask why you do it, if you do?

[Pigsmummy]

I understand boarding school from an international or military pov, also older teens it isn't much different from when they go to University but if it were me I wouldn't live in a separate country and I would miss them too much to have them boarding (other than maybe sixth form onwards).

[curiousgeorgie]

When I was a child I wanted to go because of Malory Towers and St Claire's

[SomethingkindaOod]

Me too curiousgeorgie

[Only1scoop]

My dp and all his siblings went from a really young age. As did his parents and theirs for generations.

My dp has awful memories of boarding schools

Think these days nicer places to be

[RiverTam]

I think the difference between activities at day and boarding schools could well be to do with travel, everything is on tap at a boarding school, no concerns with picking DC up late or anything like that. I can see the appeal of that if you live in the backside of nowhere.

Don't DC naturally start to 'emotionally' move away from the parents as they go into adolescence, and want to be more with their friends? I can well imagine if many of your friends are going and you read Harry Potter and whathaveyou, that a lot of DC would think it sounded brilliant. High jinks after lights out and all that.

I was a day girl at my school, but there were full and weekly boarders too (full boarders were mainly forces and international/resident abroad). I chose to weekly board in the sixth form, most people did by that point and I was a bit left out, plus for someone not very disciplined about homework it really helped. My sister had left home by then too so it felt a bit lonely at home.

There are lots of reasons. If DD wanted to later on and we could afford it, or could get financial assistance, I would certainly look into it, though I think only if she could board on a weekly basis.

[CailinDana]

People get defensive when they already feel bad about their choices. If you are fine with sending your child to bs then why would the fact that someone on mn disapproves bother you? I started a thread about something I do and was very harshly criticised for pages and pages. I kept it going and answered all criticim as I found it interesting and funny at times. I was not defensive or angry because I felt happy with my choice and was able to discuss it calmly even when people were being rude.

[thegreylady]

My dsil was at boarding school and loved it but he says he enjoys having their boys at home too much to consider boarding. However they have an excellent comp nearby where dd teaches and where their dc will go. Each to their own.

[fairnotfair]

I boarded, and so did my brothers. They went at 11; I went a couple of years later. Interestingly, my brothers didn't get any particular choice in the matter; going to the family public school was just something that boys in our family did (quite upper-middle, FWIW), whereas I got more choice (despite pressure from annoyed snobbish grandparents) and opted to go later.

My elder brother hated it, my younger brother was very happy. I can't pretend that I found it wholly enjoyable, but it made me more confident and assertive. (My poor DF went aged 6 back in 1940ish, and hated every minute of it.)

My two DSs will never board. Fine for other people, if that's what floats your boat, but not right for them, me, or DH.

[SomethingkindaOod]

I think korma has made an important point, it's not about the parent, it's about the child. It's their education and life chances that should be considered rather than the parents'.

[ziggiestardust]

korma are boys a bit more like that though? Slightly tougher exterior, want to hang around doing activities with their friends rather than being seen going home to mum all the time?

I admire your strength though, helping your son achieve what he wants even though it's sad for you. I hope he gets what he wants from his experience.

[squoosh]

'People get defensive when they already feel bad about their choices.'

Bit of a leap there.

People get defensive for all kinds of reasons, depends on their personality. Lots of parents of boarders will feel defensive when people feel 'sad' for their happy children.

[curiousgeorgie]

I suppose selfishly, I couldn't contemplate being without my DD's. but then, they are 3 and 8 months so it's hard to imagine every day not revolving around them...!

[curiousgeorgie]

Squoosh - if your children board it can't be the first time someone with no experience of boarding has expressed sympathy?

I think you're being a little too defensive about a simple question.

[fairnotfair]

My mother told me that a lot of the mothers would drop their sons at school on the first day of term, wave at their boys brightly as they drove away, and then pull in at the nearest available layby to cry. Apparently the roads around the school were littered with weeping mothers!

[morethanpotatoprints]

curiousgeorgie

Your comment about you not wanting to be away from your dc is what some parents have to cope with and overcome.

Until recently, I thought boarding schools were a bit cruel, although I realised some people needed to use them. I couldn't imagine not being with any of mine.

However ff to just 6 months later and my dd has found a school she really wants to attend. It is day/boarding and she wants to board, she is 10.
The school is very selective and by audition and a chance for her to follow her dreams. I have to let her go.
I have managed to talk her out of it at the present as I believe year 7 or 8 would be a good time to go if she still wishes to.

FWIW though I too started a thread and it didn't turn into a bun fight.

Now as I think about it I have a lump in my throat and have no idea how I'll cope, she is H.ed as well so doesn't even go to school.

So, sometimes its the dc trying to get the parents to agree and doesn't always come from the parent.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

We watched the Harrow series,I WISH a had the mindset to send ds as he'd love it, in fact he begged to go I can't get my head round sending kids younger than teens I'm not sure I'd cope well.

[Sparklysilversequins]

My parents sent me because we were a forces family, supposedly but personally I think my Mum, who did not particularly enjoy being a parent wanted some child free time. I was 9 when I went and my little sister was 4...............

So make of that what you will.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Wish we had the money

Bloody auto correct!

[squoosh]

curiousgeorgie I've never been to boarding school, don't have kids in boarding school and am 99% certain I'd never send my kids to boarding school so no, definitely not being too defensive.

I just don't think there's anything to be gained from people implying that the parents of children who board care less for their children or are lesser parents.

[curiousgeorgie]

I didn't.

[curiousgeorgie]

So squoosh - why wouldn't you send them??