To cancel Pancake Tuesday?

[nocontactforevermore]

I posted on here the other day my dd's behaviour. She keeps waking me up really early in morn, bursts into my room at all hours. This morn she came in at 6. I sent her back to her room, so she stood outside it with a whistle instead.

I have tried everything (aside from buying her one of those special clocks) She always claims she just wants to know what time it is, what time I'm getting up. She has a room full of toys, just will not entertain herself. She is pretty much like that when she's awake as well. I was so frustrated this morn that i burst into tears. I've pleaded with her, begged even. I don't sleep well as it is.

I've told her she can't go to her activity and pancakes are off. I am guilty of not following through with what I say. Is this too harsh a punishment?

[LucyLasticBand]

dont 7 years olds love pens and paper?
can you get her a diary of sorts, a plain book and some nice pens, to write in, in the morning, and draw pictures for you, make lists and stuff.

[Troglodad]

If you cancel pancake day, you are a bad person.

That is all. :P

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

She relies on you for her entertainment. If you fill up all her spare time with activities it's no wonder she can't play by herself, because she doesn't know how. She never gets the chance to be bored. She needs to learn to entertain herself

[TeamWill]

Please don't keep putting yourself down
Have confidence in your decisions.
You said No to pancakes - then its No.
You are undermining your parenting decisions yourself.

Life isn't a box of chocolates Forrest sometimes its ok to be angry, sad and pissed off.
If you don't let your DD feel these things you are she will find it hard to cope with these feelings as an adult and expect others to compensate.

Deep breath - No pancakes with the proviso that she can have pancakes after one week of staying in bed until 7am.
Set clear expectations and clear consequences .

[TeamWill]

randomyou are

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

Being woken up at 5am every bloody morning by a shouting/whistling/beeping child would make me full of rage and shouty, so I think your response is perfectly normal! Good luck with the house points idea.

[Wingdingdong]

Hm, did you say 'if you don't stay in your room tomorrow morning, you won't have pancakes' or did you just yell at her 'right, that's it, I've had enough, no pancakes!'?

If she was warned that no pancakes would be the consequence, then you have to stick with it.

If you didn't warn her, then you're in a bit of a mess because it's not really fair to randomly ascribe a punishment after the event that doesn't bear much relation to the misdeed. Throwing the whistle in the bin immediately would seem fairer!

I say this as someone in the same boat - lost my temper last night and said 'right, no pancakes tomorrow', and now have to find a way of saving face and subsituting a more reasonable/appropriate punishment .

I suspect I'll give my DD a choice (she's 4.7) - she can either tidy her room (which is what she was meant to do last night) instead of playing after school and still have pancakes, or the pancakes remain forfeited.

[CoffeeTea103]

At 7 years this is ridiculous. I think a big telling off is what she needs. Also you seem to have many things to occupy her all the time, can she not cope on her own at all? She needs to learn how to do so. She seems very needy and exhausting.

[frogwatcher42]

Whilst I can see the op has a problem, do people really make their kids stay in bed until 7am?

All our children rise before that - well before that. They wake up refreshed and raring to go and it does seem unfair to tell them to stay in bed. It is hard to lye in bed reading or quiet if you have just spent 10 hours in bed and are refreshed as a daisy!! I know as I am an early riser and always have been - early mornings are my most active time of the day.

Teach her to play by herself in the day and then she will do it in the mornings. If she never has to entertain herself at all normally, why would she beable to do at 6am?

Or adapt your day so you are happy to rise earlier? When she is a teen you will be struggling to tip her out of bed!!!

[mrsminiverscharlady]

I really think a parenting course would help you. Worth contacting your children's centre to see whether they offer them.

[LucyLasticBand]

frogwathcer, she had a whistle! omg,sounds terrible just the thought of it, and op has sleep problems herself.

[frogwatcher42]

Lucy - I know - the whistle is a step too far. But that is about the lack of being able to entertain herself during the day and the fact that she appears to be a demanding child I think.

I personally, wouldn't make the child stay in bed or her room. But I would make her play quietly.

And I would follow through on the pancake threat too seeing as it has been said. But I always try to follow through on punishments if I can. I would do pancakes tomorrow if the child was quiet tomorrow morning!!.

[mrsminiverscharlady]

I really think a parenting course would help you. Worth contacting your children's centre to see whether they offer them.

[justanuthermanicmumsday]

This may sound stupid and obvious but Is it possible she's hungry if she's coming in at different times every night? Only my daughter used to do the same. Then I used to leave an container with biscuits, and sports cup with water. Plus kids alarm clock. That seemed to work, before that they were waking us up early too.

[Twooter]

I agree with frog watcher. Seems very strict to enforce a 7am stay in her bedroom, especially as its only because you can't sleep well.

And let her earn back pancake day

[justanuthermanicmumsday]

Also a lot of kids are early risers so 2 am is unreasonable but 5 am isn't sadly

[pictish]

Whilst I can see the op has a problem, do people really make their kids stay in bed until 7am?

I have always had the rule of 7. Our kids very rarely rise before 7, but if they do, they are not allowed to come in to us to wake us up too. They can play, watch tv, read, go on their tablets, whatever....but they must leave us alone, unless there's an emergency. They are 12, 6 and 5 and so far we have encountered no problems with implementing this rule.

To stand outside the bedroom door at 6am and blow a whistle would pretty much be suicide!!

[Vickiyumyum]

I wouldn't cancel pancake day, like others have said, its bad form to use food as a treat/reward system.

6am doesn't seem to bad to me, I have the opposite problem, dd also 7 has to be dragged out of bed kicking and screaming, she hates mornings. 6 am would be lovely we could get ready with no rushing or me hurrying her up with breakfast and then to brush teeth, hair, get socks on etc.

[mrsjay]

say no to the pnacakes she is not a toddler she can understand consequence for actions it really is no big deal if she doesn't get flour and eggs and squeezey sauce for after tea, you need to get her a clock for her room set the alram and she is allowed up at X time mine were not allowed up so early they could come to me if they were ill or had a nightmare obviously, but to stand and shout and blow whistles is appauling behaviour that i would not tolerate ever, OP stick to your guns show her how to put her tv on and I would be marching her back to her room and confiscating bloody whistles

[mrsjay]

excuse my typos

[bornholio]

How do you fix missed pancakes with good behaviour after the fact?

[mrsjay]

it is a consequence of actions really

[CalamitouslyWrong]

We have a 7am rule too. It works fine. Sometimes Ds2 sleeps in ds1 regularly does at the weekend, but he's 13. I do not consider 5am to be the morning or an acceptable time to get up. Neither does DH. My children like sleeping too. We have quite early bedtimes too (7 for DS2; 9.30 for DS1). Sometimes DS2 is too tired and needs to go to bed earlier. In fact, after he started school, he asked us to set his groclock later than 7 so he could sleep longer (he felt he had to get up when the sun came up).

When we were on holiday recently Ds2 enjoying sleeping in til 8.30/9am. He even told me to stop being silly when I said 'good morning' to him when he got up to go to the toilet about 7.30, and then went back to bed.

[MomOfTwoGirls2]

Regarding turning on TV, can you write out simple instructions for her? And then refuse to turn it on for her, but be available to show her how if she gets stuck?
Does she have electronic toys such as DS or iPad? These are good for solitary play.

I would also be very shouty if woke up by Dd in this manner. I would not do pancakes today, but do them at weekend with condition of her staying in bed until 7am each morning until weekend.

I would also have a calm but serious chat with her about her lack of respect for you as a person, and how it makes you feel. And include the fact of not enough sleep making you shouty, and potentially making you ill.

One thing you need to instill in her is that it is not all about her. You are a family and need to treat each other with love and respect. That means she needs to treat you with love and respect, as well as visa versa. You could include what you need to improve upon (the shouting), but also explain the link between your feeling disrespected and shouting.