to think people are selfish to not go to a wedding if it's adults only?

[Birdo83]

Just read another thread where several members said they would refuse to go to a wedding if their children weren't invited. Not for child care reasons but just cause they thought it wasn't right.

Space at weddings are limited what with both peoples friends and family. Are people really expecting some of the bride or grooms friends or family not to attend THEIR wedding so people's kids can take up all the seats? Our wedding was adults only because of course I wanted to prioritise my loved ones over other peoples children who, on the whole, don't mean so much to me. I'd have to have turned several of my closest friends if I'd let everyone bring all their children which I'd hate to do.

It's also worrying how many people can't seem to enjoy themselves without their kids. Ditto people who refuse to go to parties that our adults only. Very odd.

I do have to wonder about the mentality of those saying they wouldn't go because they'd rather spend time with their family- so they would turn down an event which was very significant and (usually) a one off so they could spend time with their family which presumably they see every day?

Wrong - If they have to travel a way, attending a wedding can cost a lot. If not, it is maybe having to pay for childcare and a small present. Yes there is a cost involved, but not comparable to the cost of paying for a 100 kids you hardly know to attend.

But I would probably decline on principle, without even bothering to try and arrange childcare, because it would piss me off that I was expected to do all of that and incur the expenses involved, just to be a face in the crowd.

So for me, childcare is at the root of it, but it sure OP would have expected me to at least try and arrange help. If I tried hard enough I probably could, but tbh, for anyone but my closest family, I wouldn't bother. Sorry.

On MN there are plenty of threads about unruly children at soft play/parties/restaurants/ etc

The consensus is that they should be removed if they can't play nicely or shouldn't go at all.

Why are weddings an exception?

Not all children behave impeccably you know.

Agree hotdog. And I would be happy to have kids actually, but not my cousin's kids. They are a total nightmare and the parents do nothing to supervise them. My parents spent all their visits making sure the kids didn't break very expensive stuff, and didn't do things like delberately throw themselves down the stairs as a game.

It wouldn't have mattered how informal the wedding, they would have ruined it.

I've never seen these herds of wild uncontrollable children anyway. All the obnoxious troublemakers I've seen at weddings have been adults.

Weddings used be to be family affairs, I don't know whats happened but now they are just fancy stage managed photo opportunities, expensive ones for all involved at that.

herecomesthsun that sounds like a great wedding, the sort I hope to have myself.

Lynda - If you see your attendance as just a face in the crowd, I understand your attitude. I would only invite friends I really care about, and in most cases, love. They are very far from being a face in the crowd.

Tulip - Yes there are obnoxious adults at weddings as well. I often wish it was more socially acceptable to invite a friend and say their partner is not invited. It is not.

Thats because they are probably pissed tulips

Why would you want your kinds around that? Most wedding have alcohol involved you know

Going to a close friends wedding is important. And snubbing her because she didn't want to pay an extra £150 for your 3 kids to attend, is really unfair

Do you know how much professional overnight childcare costs? It can be £150 for one child (as we discovered when we looked into it for DNieces wedding). So it is just as unfair on the Brides part as the guests.

Something that I have found interesting on this thread is that those posters that choose not to attend child free weddings have not felt the need to be as rude and sarcastic to other posters as those that don't.

Calling people names because their choices are different to yours is a little 'odd' surely?

Kinds? Kids obviously.

JadedAngel Well quite.

But sometimes the B&G don't really see all their friends kids all the time. How are they to know if the parents will parent them properly?

I have close friendships with people I work with who I'd definitely like to invite, I'm friends with them so why not?

I don't know how their children behave or misbehave. I only know what they tell me.

Just like my friend who has 3 unruly children. I know what they're like, but apparently, they are 'misunderstood and spirited'.

Some people are in denial about their own DC.

*Thats because they are probably pissed tulips

Why would you want your kinds around that? Most wedding have alcohol involved you know*

Oh I seeeee. It's the children's welfare we're concerned about.

I don't see aggression. I see bemusement and a bit of sarcasm, yes.

But it's sort of understandable when at least one poster has said they would rather watch boxsets with their DD than go to a friend's wedding. Someone else put village volunteering/ballet lessons/dance recitals/visits from grandparents ahead of a friend's wedding.

Can you not see the rudeness in that position?

But that is not quite right is it Janine? The poster with the weekend commitments further quantified how many free weekends she had in the coming year, which made her position more understandable.

It's all relative though, isn't it? No one's said all weddings should have all guests children. Just that you consider your relationship to the B&G and it might not be worth it to drop everything for them. Fair enough.

Yes, but the reason for the lack of free weekends is because all those other things took priority. Didn't make it more understandable to me.

No tulips I'm concerned about my drunk friends hurting themselves falling over a child skidding on the dance floor

Dallas - Overnight childcare is different. If I had to travel to a friend's wedding where overnight was the only way to do the whole thing and I had to pay for childcare, I would explain the high cost and say instead I will come for the marriage and mean and then travel back home.

But some are saying even if it is close by, they wouldn't go even if they had childcare, if their kids can't go.

We recently declined a family child free wedding 5 hours drive from us with an overnight hotel stay.
Bride is a primary school teacher who sees children all day, so I can see why she wanted to go child free. Good for her, but we are not spending our entire holiday budget to go her wedding.
We sent a nice apology and some vouchers. Everyone is hopefully happy.

In a contest between sitting at home watching Criminal Minds box sets with my DD and going to a wedding I will be found on the sofa at home.

Wowzers, I know each to their own blah blah blah, but sometimes I do think I live in some sort of parallel universe.

Well, there were events I turned down when the DC were small which I would have said was because of them, but the fact was that XH made it as awkward as possible to attend - using the DC as emotional leverage because it worked. Judge not unless you have been in them shoes.