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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to stop cooking for my ungrateful H?

146 replies

haggardolebat · 01/03/2014 09:40

Hello!
So my husband and I just moved into our own home, and I've started to cook now. RD and I eat what I cook but everytime I cook for him he'll come home and decline my meals. I feel really bad because I am trying to be a supportive wife as he works 6 days a week and he's supporting me by doing so (SAHM) But I don't what to do since he doesn't want to eat it. he'd look at it like it's poison and eat a few spoonfuls and then make his own dinner. We are from different cultures, I'm English and his family is Ghanaian. His mother has always been his cook, even after we got married, because we were living with her while saving for our place. And she'd always do the cooking for the family. I always helped her cook but the time taken to cook a meal is unrealistic for me to do everyday (She spends the whole day cooking and loves it but I have school pick ups etc and I'm 39 weeks pregnant too) not to mention, it takes a lot of practice and I don't want to experiment with dinner.

AIBU to stop cooking for him and just cook for DD and I? I know it'll cause fights between us which I really do not want, but I can't take the insults. The food I cook is loved by DD and she's a fussy eater so it's not like it's disgusting food.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
haggardolebat · 01/03/2014 12:57

I told him last night that I'm only going to cook for my DD and I and he said "it's your role as a wife and a mother to be cooking for the whole household. You can't pick and choose what God ordained"

OP posts:
ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 01/03/2014 13:00

you married a twat.

CrohnicallyFarting · 01/03/2014 13:01

So ask him what his solution is.

You cook British food and he won't eat it.
You cook African food and he won't eat that either, and tells you to stop wasting food.
(But it's wasting British food if you cook that for him seeing as he won't eat it)
If you don't cook anything for him, you're 'going against what god ordained'. Apparently.
Given that you can't magically turn into MIL, what does he want you to do?

nennypops · 01/03/2014 13:02

Oh dear, if he's bringing God into it you're never going to get any sense out of him.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 01/03/2014 13:04

He needs to learn to cook what he likes then, and you need to either LTB or get a job. I'm sorry but there are men who become tin pot dictators when their wives stay at home.

TheCrackFox · 01/03/2014 13:04

I think in your shoes you should start looking for a job as your marriage is on shakey ground. Only a matter of time before he starts showing more sexist pig behaviour.

JodieGarberJacob · 01/03/2014 13:06

Absolutely nenny.

EverythingCounts · 01/03/2014 13:08

Did you have no idea earlier that he holds such sexist views? Or did you think he would change in time?

KatharineHepburnsTrousers · 01/03/2014 13:08

Lolol

If this is true I am sky blue fucking pink

KatharineHepburnsTrousers · 01/03/2014 13:09

Or 'you married a twat'

ImogenQuy · 01/03/2014 13:11

Dear God. You are having a second child with this absolute woman-hating religious fundamentalist plank?

LeslieKnope · 01/03/2014 13:13

OP

Exactly why did you marry this misogynistic, deluded, small-minded and rude ballbag of a mummy's boy??

I'm struggling to have sympathy for you to be honest. Presuming, of course, that he has always been like this and his recent odious behaviour isn't the result of a brain tumour or a bump on the head?

LTB.

TheJumped · 01/03/2014 13:14

I'm a bit Hmm that you have got this far with him tbh.

Out of interest, what is Ghanaian food like? What's Jollof rice?

Branleuse · 01/03/2014 13:17

tell him hes got two choices. like it or lump it.

if you knew what he was like, and its a problem for you, then why marry??

Lottiedoubtie · 01/03/2014 13:18

So ask him what his solution is.

You cook British food and he won't eat it.
You cook African food and he won't eat that either, and tells you to stop wasting food.
(But it's wasting British food if you cook that for him seeing as he won't eat it)
If you don't cook anything for him, you're 'going against what god ordained'. Apparently.
Given that you can't magically turn into MIL, what does he want you to do?

This ^. And then tell him that God doesn't support men bullying their wives and putting them in no win situations like this.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 01/03/2014 13:19

It's just rice! With spices and stuff like tomatoes, onions and pretty much whatever the hell you fancy shoved in it.

It's really nothing exotic or difficult or weird. Just rice.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 01/03/2014 13:20

Can he make it himself ie does he know how to?

diddl · 01/03/2014 13:21

"You can't pick and choose what god ordained"

What does that mean?

That's it your job as a female??

Coz it certainly isn't in the wedding vows!

Wantsunshine · 01/03/2014 13:23

Oh dear you have married a total twat. He is so unreasonable if you stay with him good luck, you need it.

BitchPeas · 01/03/2014 13:23

He's a women hating twat. If it's not cooking it will be something else. It will never get better.

For what it's worth XH is Nepalese and very fussy, and a general rude pain in the arse but that's another story Grin

But, I would cook him a roast, a fry up, casseroles, bread pudding, sponge cake, spag Bol, potato bakes, 9 times out of 10 he loved them. If he didn't, he ate it all, then said politely I wasn't too keen on that but thank you.

He would also make me Nepalese food 9 times out of 10 I loved it, if I didn't same as above.

It's not about culture or taste. He's just fucking rude and disrespectful!!!!

gamerchick · 01/03/2014 13:23

so what will he do if you stop?

Personally I would ask your MIL to prepare a dish saying you want to give it to him as a surprise so don't tell him.

Stick it in front of him and if he makes a face or refuses it then you'll know exactly what kind of man you've married and then you can make your choices accordingly.

3littlefrogs · 01/03/2014 13:30

My DH is from a different country/culture.
He is appreciative of any sort of food that is put in front of him.Grin
Of course he enjoys food from his own culture (I do cook some things but much of it does take a whole day to prepare, so not practical), but he would never be rude or criticise my cooking. His mum used to happily spend all day cooking - she didn't go out to work and had several maids/servants to do the bulk of the housework/child care. Of course she had plenty of time to devote to producing fantastic meals. My husband is reasonable enough to completely understand this fact.

OP your DH is is disrespectful and unreasonable. Do you want your DD to think this behaviour is acceptable? Race/culture/background is no excuse IMO. This is 2014 not the dark ages.

Rissolesfortea · 01/03/2014 13:31

He is the sort of man that whatever you do he will always find fault with, sorry OP but you have married a loser. LTB.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 01/03/2014 13:40

mine too, 3littlefrogs. hoover that he is Grin

I've never mastered ugali for example, 15 years and it's still slop. Grin so he does it and it's really not a problem.

nkf · 01/03/2014 13:41

There are two options here:

  • you have made this up in order to generate a sort of frothing thread;
  • this is true and you have agreed to marry a very very sexist man.

Which is it?

Swipe left for the next trending thread