AIBU to stop cooking for my ungrateful H?

[haggardolebat]

Hello!
So my husband and I just moved into our own home, and I've started to cook now. RD and I eat what I cook but everytime I cook for him he'll come home and decline my meals. I feel really bad because I am trying to be a supportive wife as he works 6 days a week and he's supporting me by doing so (SAHM) But I don't what to do since he doesn't want to eat it. he'd look at it like it's poison and eat a few spoonfuls and then make his own dinner. We are from different cultures, I'm English and his family is Ghanaian. His mother has always been his cook, even after we got married, because we were living with her while saving for our place. And she'd always do the cooking for the family. I always helped her cook but the time taken to cook a meal is unrealistic for me to do everyday (She spends the whole day cooking and loves it but I have school pick ups etc and I'm 39 weeks pregnant too) not to mention, it takes a lot of practice and I don't want to experiment with dinner.

AIBU to stop cooking for him and just cook for DD and I? I know it'll cause fights between us which I really do not want, but I can't take the insults. The food I cook is loved by DD and she's a fussy eater so it's not like it's disgusting food.

What would you do?

Billybanter no we rarely eat out because he's not keen on trying new things.

When he used to visit me at my mother's when we were first dating, she also stopped cooking for him because he'd always refuse or push it on to my plate.

Or they can share the cooking??

Just to clarify, I am not disrespecting Africans or my husband's heritage. I only stated where he was from to explain the differences in tastes

OP, once he has rudely rejected your food what sort of food does he cook?

diddl I suggested we can share cooking responsibilities to which he said "You're the mother and wife, you should be the one to cook"

I think you must be making this up. It makes no sense. How can you have got this far and be surprised at his attitudes to cooking?

Lottie he fries plantain and cooks Jollof rice (this is at 10pm so he eats quite late) with eggs to be quick. He packs the left overs for lunch at work.

I've tried making Jollof rice but it's never how "MIL makes it - don't bother you're wasting food"

If it is true, then you are crazy to marry a man who is so inflexible in his attitudes. Cross cultural/racial marriages work best if both people are flexible and respectful. All marriages come to think of it.

nkf I lived with him at MIL's house and he was eating happily. I didn't think it'd be a problem in our own home. What would I gain in making this up?

nkf I didn't start this post asking if my marriage is a waste of time. I asked if cooking for him is a waste of time.. two separate things.

So he used to eat egg and chips and now he won't?

Well, he's told you it's a waste of food because you don't get it right. So, yes I guess it is a waste of time too.

I was pointing out the irony that today of all days, seems to be African Mysogonist Man Day.

Which may or may not be true. But I don't beleive anyone can get to the end of a pregnancy (and presumably some form of courtship) without knowing their partner is a fussy bugger who prefers his mothers cooking.

You're the mother and wife, you should be the one to cook" I don't even believe I read that remark. Mind you I know plenty or white blokes with the same attitude. But I'm having a complete failure in understanding why women choose to become pregnant and entangle them selves for at least the next 18 years with such blokes. Be they white, black or sky blue fucking pink.

Darlinggrace I understand.

The thing is, he isn't helping find a solution here. You've tried cooking the food he likes but he says 'don't bother you're wasting food.' But when you cook other food he won't eat it. So the food isn't the issue, it's his inflexible attitude. YWNBU to stop cooking for him but he will think you are because he has unrealistic expectations of what a woman should do. Do you want your children to grow up thinking this is normal?

He did that to me, he'd be wearing it, sorry! Send him to his mother to feed him. Don't be silly, you got enough on your plate.

Respect is the same in any culture. He's showing you NONE.

Honestly, it makes no difference where this man is from. Why on earth would anyone marry someone who has been so rude throughout their whole relationship and basically tells the that their place is in the kitchen because they have a vagina?

So stop cooking for him

OP are you ok? I am finding this thread very distressing. He is rude, selfish and woman hating all round or is it just this issue? Do you have a good support network? I'm so worried that you wpyld put up with this.

I didn't start this post asking if my marriage is a waste of time. I asked if cooking for him is a waste of time.. two separate things

But since you said he expects you to cook because that is your job, I think that does impact on your marriage. If you're happy to believe it is your role then fair enough but if not then you really need to address these control issues now otherwise your home life is only destined to get worse IMO.

If you tell him you are not going to cook for him any longer then what do you think will he say?

It is quite clear that he expects you to start cooking like his Mum, that's your problem.

OK, Im going to say it Leave the Barstard.

Fried banana and savory rice Pffft. and HE thinks you cant cook it Pffft. bullshit.

((((((((((((((((((haggardolebat))))))))))))))))))))))

He's being an arse. And that's got nothing to do with his culture.

Ok, so if you cooked the comparatively 'quick' meals that he cooks for himself that still isn't ok?

What do you think his reaction will be when you tell him that you aren't playing along with this charade any more?