...to think 'partner' means a cohabiting partner, not just boyfriend.

[fideline]

This has twice caused major confusion recently.

I realise most of the time it doesn't really matter much, but referring to someone you are 'just' dating as your partner is confusing wrong.

Isn't it?

All right, OP, you are now making statements that are much less dogmatic than your original statement was, but I still don't see why you are so worried about people using 'partner' in a way that doesn't conform to your expectations. Why is it weird for teenagers to have partners or for polyamorous people to have partners?

As for blessed, it is perhaps too generous to call her Victorian, because I can think of plenty of Victorians who had relationships that didn't fit neatly into the heterosexual marriage dynamic!

the exotic 'polys' and genderqueers sneering at man/woman norms

To me, the pejorative term 'sneering' says it all. That post reeks of prejudice.

blessed, can I lend you a lace handkerchief to wipe your brow?

"All right, OP, you are now making statements that are much less dogmatic than your original statement was, but I still don't see why you are so worried about people using 'partner' in a way that doesn't conform to your expectations"

I'm not worried, just trying to arrive at a reasonable set of working default assumptions.

having had too many partners without any respect for the concept of controlling one's lust for sex, or experimented with all sorts of perversions

'lust' for sex? There is nothing wrong with desiring sex and that desire does not need to be controlled. Not in the way you advocate.

Most people do not engage, or wish to engage in 'perversions', you would probably disagree with that, but I expect that your definition of perversion would differ wildly from most peoples.

Default assumptions about what words to use, i mean

If you're over 25 "Boyfriend" or "Girlfriend" sounds a bit naff TBH. I'd expect to meet your Partner.

I don't care or want to know if you live with them.

The point is, it's not really up to you to judge the validity of someone else's erotic relationship. It's up to them. If they use the term 'partner', why not just assume that the relationship in question is a serious one, and take it from there?

^" I discreetly raised the conflicting language he used to describe her- only for her to drop a bombshell on my impression they were a regular couple who at worst had some fussiness about the word 'marriage'...
She said they live together but he has sexually submissive tendencies so he 'provides for her intimate satisfaction and affirmation' hmm without having full sex and he consents to her 'fulfilling her desire to be penetrated' with other men"^

What I wouldn't give to have been a fly on that wall.

"If they use the term 'partner', why not just assume that the relationship in question is a serious one, and take it from there?"

That's exactly what caused the confusion

"it's not really up to you to judge the validity of someone else's erotic relationship"

Do listen to yourself Marfisa . Who said anything, ANYTHING, about judging the validity of erotic relationships?

So by blessed's own account, the woman is happy and the man is happy. It's only blessed who is confused and sad and very very judgemental.

As someone said above, blessed, just because one particular type of relationship worked for you doesn't mean that it's the ideal model for everyone.

Or do you mean blessed?

Well, OP, your original post did seem very judgemental.

I obviously don't do light-hearted prose very well

Why should people wait until they love someone? Why should they not just have sex because they enjoy it?

But nowhere near as judgemental as blessed's posts have been.

I agree waltermitty. Although I have heard that type of partner referred to as a 'fuckbuddy' rather than a partner.

Why should people wait until they love someone? Why should they not just have sex because they enjoy it

Because they should control their lust. Apparently.

fide fwiw I took the entire thing to be rather lighthearted.

The example of living together was a bad one evidently! But I think she meant a mutually exclusive relationship where important decisions and even daily, mundane ones which effect both parties are made by mutual consent and with both parties working toward the same goals and life choices.

I don't think she meant to disparage or question the validity of relationships where people aren't living together. And I think that was clear, tbh.

People just took it upon themselves to read malice and judgement where it wasn't intended!

I should clarify I don't think any recent posters have done that!

OK, sorry if I misunderstood you, OP.

marfisa shhh! You'll have posters swooning with such talk!

Fuckbuddy talk, I mean!

Beautifully put Walter. Clearly i should have got you to write the OP

I only like partner if you're not wanting to/able to specify who that partner is or the nature of the relationship.

eg invitations - 'Mr Gerald Rochester and partner' 'partners are welcome'

I remember it was only gay people seemed to say partner. A colleague used to refer to his now wife as his partner because it amused him to see people's confusion as they thought 'oh, bob's gay? Is he?'

I'd say that partner is for (apart from business partners) anyone you're in a relationship with. husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend fuck buddy, date could all be partners, but not all partners are h/s, gf/bf etc.

All houses are buildings but not all buildings are houses. All girlfriends are partners but not all partners are girlfriends.

In RL if I heard 'partner' I would assume same sex. Tbh I've never heard anyone other than gay couples use it in my hearing.

I guess most of our friends and family had 'boyfriends' then got engaged and got married so 'partner' just never seems to have happened.