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AIBU?

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Original poster

friend may go to prison for benefit fraud. AIBU to think its unfair her partner will get off scot free?

438 replies

balenciaga · 27/02/2014 11:08

there is a back story here, which i will try and keep brief. my good friend has been with a guy on and off for 4 years, he was amazing at first and promised the earth as they do, then he became very abusive (mentally, physically and financially) and she was frightened of him. He even left her twice for 2 different women but she took him back. However, 2 months ago she finally left him (thank god) and moved back home to her mums and is starting again, looking for a house, a job etc.

she has 4 dcs and turns out she was claiming as a single parent the whole time he was with her :( I am not making excuses for her but she was scared to stop claiming as he would not contribute financially and she was scared of not being able to pay bills, eat etc. Also, he pressured her into keeping claiming (which I can WELL believe) and assured her it would be fine, no one would know etc Hmm - basically so he could carry on spending his wages like water living rent free and doing whatever the fuck he pleased.

she only told me a few weeks ago what had happened. while she was still with her ex, she had been called in for an interview with the fraud team at DWP as they had suspicions and she confessed it all to them. I couldn't believe she had done it TBH but as much as I absolutely do not condone what she's done I can kind of understand her reasons, its not black and white, yes I did think why the hell did you not leave him earlier etc but its not that easy is it :(

her court date was yesterday. because of the length of time she kept the fraud up for and the amount of money involved (over 33k and that's just HB and income support - ie before tax credits even Shock ) the judge pretty much decided as soon as she went in that the case would go straight to Crown. Her solicitor has warned her that a prison sentence is a real possibility :(

AIBU to think this could be quite a common reason for women committing benefit fraud? and that the law seriously needs looking at and these cocklodging bastards of an ex should also be made accountable?? it takes two ffs !!

OP posts:
Mintyy · 27/02/2014 17:55

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WorraLiberty · 27/02/2014 17:56

The mother is supposed to have this discussion with the man before he moves in.

She's supposed to point out that benefit fraud is illegal.

If he doesn't want to move in and support her and her kids, then she's supposed to tell him not to move in.

This woman clearly thought he was a lovely man when he moved in and yet she still happily committed benefit fraud.

She needs to take responsibility for her own actions.

Anonymai · 27/02/2014 17:57

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expatinscotland · 27/02/2014 17:58

Classic cock before kids. Just gotta move a man in, gotta have a live- in 'partner', no thoght to overall effect on your kids, including losing benefits and turning to criminality.

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2014 17:59

And considering she had a part time job, it wouldn't have been just him who was supporting the kids financially.

Floggingmolly · 27/02/2014 18:00

It wasn't a new relationship. She'd claimed benefits for four years as a single person while actually shacked up with me laddo.

Mintyy · 27/02/2014 18:01

Yes, yes, she committed benefit fraud. Because of him. But he gets off scot free. Are you arguing that he was not colluding in the fraud and benefiting from the fraud. This is what the thread is about but some of you are just intent on demonising the women who are the ones who actually have to feed and clothe the children.

And what is not sarcastic about the use of the phrase "SHOCK HORROR"?

TetrisBlock · 27/02/2014 18:02

The non resident fathers are free to set up home with their nice new girlfriends and get away with not paying to support the children.

expatinscotland · 27/02/2014 18:02

Plenty of options for having a relationship when you are a lone parent on benefits. Like not moving the partner in, like waiting and getting a JOB to mitigate the loss of benefits, like getting married to give you some legal protection, all without illegally claiming.

sarahquilt · 27/02/2014 18:03

Surely she could have found a job.

Anonymai · 27/02/2014 18:04

It's not sarcasm. It's emphasising the fact that on here it seems to be something extremely shocking to suggest that children come before men. Several threads over the past week where women can't even contemplate life without a man.

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2014 18:04

She committed benefit fraud because she wanted to

Well initially she was happy to do so anyway, as is evident by the fact she moved a guy in who was amazing at first and promised the earth

And still she didn't sign off

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2014 18:06

The OP said she has a job...

just wanted to say as well, my friend was working over the 4 years but only part time and low wage so she was more or less on full benefits.

WooWooOwl · 27/02/2014 18:06

A woman with children to consider shouldn't do anything that jeopardises their financial security, and if that means she has to wait until they are grown up before having a relationship that involves living together then so be it.

This woman did not commit benefit fraud because of this man, she committed benefit fraud because of what she wanted for herself.

This man made it clear that he didn't want to pay for her children if he encouraged her to keep claiming, so she really has no one to blame except herself.

TetrisBlock · 27/02/2014 18:06

With four young children? I have a pretty good, professional job and still find just two children in childcare eyewateringly expensive. The state would have been paying more in childcare than she would be earning, I'd imagine.

Floggingmolly · 27/02/2014 18:07

Why did she do it "because of him"? She chose to continue living with someone who refused to contribute financially to the household; knowing that it made her benefit claim fraudulent. And she got caught.

Mintyy · 27/02/2014 18:07

But that's beside the point, isn't it Anonymai?

The point is (once again) that this woman might go to prison because of this and he won't even be touched for it.

But he was happy to move in. He could have said, no, we can't afford it if you are going to lose your benefits. He could have taken some responsibility for the situation instead of abusing her for years.

Really shocked by some of the hard-faced and rigid attitudes on here.

caruthers · 27/02/2014 18:07

She could have just not had him live there or she could have just stopped claiming as a single mother.

Some posters are suggesting she go and have her mental health assessed and that cheapens people with real mental health problems.

Worra said upthread that she claimed he was amazing at first and from that point she should have stopped claiming.

Looks like the children came second in this case doesn't it?

expatinscotland · 27/02/2014 18:07

Better than committing benefits fraud, Tetris.

TetrisBlock · 27/02/2014 18:09

That's true. Not defending the fraud itself, just think a lot of women are left in a pretty shitty situation as lone parents.

expatinscotland · 27/02/2014 18:09

Well, he didn't, Mintyy, and she enabled this by participating in crime. She kept claiming. It's a crime, and now she will have, at the least, a record.

Rommell · 27/02/2014 18:09

Some of the posts on here are really nasty. Look, I used to prosecute benefit fraud in a previous job so I have some understanding of how these things go. Pretty much without exception, the people I was throwing the metaphorical book at had stumbled into their circumstances. You can imagine the type of thing - get offered some work through an agency, it's zero hours, it isn't regular, but it might get you off the dole eventually. So you take it, in the hope that things improve, they do, you get more hours, but you can't suddenly start declaring it because then they'll ask for payslips, they might go to your employer, and then you're fucked. Or in cases like the OP's friend, there's a guy, he comes and goes. Starts off maybe a couple of nights a week, then nothing for a while, then it gets more regular again, then he moves in, then he moves out ... what is she supposed to do, call the DWP every time he shows his face? She'd soon be financially screwed if she started doing that as her benefits would stop, he might bugger off again, the benefit money isn't there for another six weeks (at least!) and she's reliant on the money to feed, clothe and house her kids. In fact, far from not thinking of her kids, I would bet that she was motivated by concern for their welfare, by not wanting to lose the steady stream of income that she needs to keep her family afloat. This is what most benefit fraud involves - it's a creeping thing, rather than calculated fraud, and it's done by desperate people who are at the arse-end of life.

Floggingmolly · 27/02/2014 18:11

Turn your last post around mintyy, and replace "he" with "she".
What does it look like now?

Anonymai · 27/02/2014 18:13

No, it's really not. You asked what a woman is supposed to do, let her children starve? No. She's just meant to put them first. Not commit benefit fraud so she can move in a cock lodger.

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2014 18:13

Oh come on Rommell this might hold some weight if during the honeymoon period when he was acting like Mr nice guy, the woman actually signed off.

I could understand if she got her fingers burnt and was reluctant to sign off again a second time...once he started coming and going.

But she was happy to commit benefit fraud when he was being nice and promising her the world....

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