Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

friend may go to prison for benefit fraud. AIBU to think its unfair her partner will get off scot free?

438 replies

balenciaga · 27/02/2014 11:08

there is a back story here, which i will try and keep brief. my good friend has been with a guy on and off for 4 years, he was amazing at first and promised the earth as they do, then he became very abusive (mentally, physically and financially) and she was frightened of him. He even left her twice for 2 different women but she took him back. However, 2 months ago she finally left him (thank god) and moved back home to her mums and is starting again, looking for a house, a job etc.

she has 4 dcs and turns out she was claiming as a single parent the whole time he was with her :( I am not making excuses for her but she was scared to stop claiming as he would not contribute financially and she was scared of not being able to pay bills, eat etc. Also, he pressured her into keeping claiming (which I can WELL believe) and assured her it would be fine, no one would know etc Hmm - basically so he could carry on spending his wages like water living rent free and doing whatever the fuck he pleased.

she only told me a few weeks ago what had happened. while she was still with her ex, she had been called in for an interview with the fraud team at DWP as they had suspicions and she confessed it all to them. I couldn't believe she had done it TBH but as much as I absolutely do not condone what she's done I can kind of understand her reasons, its not black and white, yes I did think why the hell did you not leave him earlier etc but its not that easy is it :(

her court date was yesterday. because of the length of time she kept the fraud up for and the amount of money involved (over 33k and that's just HB and income support - ie before tax credits even Shock ) the judge pretty much decided as soon as she went in that the case would go straight to Crown. Her solicitor has warned her that a prison sentence is a real possibility :(

AIBU to think this could be quite a common reason for women committing benefit fraud? and that the law seriously needs looking at and these cocklodging bastards of an ex should also be made accountable?? it takes two ffs !!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/02/2014 17:00

Look at all the threads on here, daily, started by women who live with an utter oxygen thief, or move or contemplate moving their newest Johnny Come Lately into their home, with their kids, 5 minutes after meeting him.

Floggingmolly · 27/02/2014 17:00

Why shouldn't he get off scot free? He's completely innocent of benefit fraud; she was the one fraudulently claiming.
He may be guilty of being an abusive arsehole; but that's not what she's being charged with. And on that score, she kept taking him back, not much sympathy there either.

bochead · 27/02/2014 17:03

I think the moral of the story for all women is that you should not move a new partner into your home under ANY circumstances until you are legally married if you have existing children, or you have the means to independently support those kids through work, inheritance etc.

The man moving in has no legal obligation to support you, but your benefits (including tax credits for working mothers) will be cut off. Marriage does give you some legal protection.

I also think we all have a duty as a society to stop letting so many men abandon their biological children, and to warn our daughters and friends.

I'm a single parent, and I'll willingly admit that this thread has made me think as my child's security is everything to me. Getting rid of a cocklodger once he has his feet under your kitchen table can be extremely difficult, as I've witnessed from friend's experiences. The thought that your child could be left to go hungry for months on end, while you attempt to extricate yourself sends shivers down my spine.

Goblinchild · 27/02/2014 17:06

'I'll willingly admit that this thread has made me think as my child's security is everything to me.'

Smile Yes.
Pity all parents don't have this as a driving force in their lives.

peggyundercrackers · 27/02/2014 17:07

completely agree with woowooowl and floggingmolly

expatinscotland · 27/02/2014 17:09

I agree, bochead. People who say, 'Marriage is only a piece of paper,' well, so is a will, an arrest warrant, a title deed.

TerraNotSoFirma · 27/02/2014 17:10

This is almost identical to a friend of mine from back home.
I'm afraid to say that she vdid serve time, about 7 months if memory serves.
She was pregnant at the time as well.

Not condoning what she did at all, but felt very sorry for her all the same.

TetrisBlock · 27/02/2014 17:12

Agreed boc. Not everyone is as decent as they pretend to be in the early days of a relationship and by the time you have moved in together, it's too late. I was very naive in my situation but it has worked out for me, thankfully.

Mignonette · 27/02/2014 17:14

The problem is that every time you claim you sign a declaration of good intent meaning you cannot even claim to 'not realise'.

Can she go to her doctor and have her MH assessed? That will add another mitigating factor if she has any issues with low self esteem or anxiety/depression.

I cannot get worked up about benefit fraud. This government perpetrates far greater crimes every day against the vulnerable and whilst two wrongs do not make a right, they have been disgracefully successful in brainwashing people into blaming the wrong people.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/02/2014 17:15

Couldn't agree more, Bochead.

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2014 17:15

What I don't understand is this...

The OP says he was amazing at first and promised the earth as they do

So why didn't she stop claiming benefits at that point?

She trusted him enough to move him in with her and her 4 kids, because he was apparently 'amazing' back then.

So did she feel the need to commit benefit fraud at that particular time?

Mignonette · 27/02/2014 17:18

Single parenthood is very lonely at times. Add youth into that mix and you have a woman ripe for exploitation.

Floggingmolly · 27/02/2014 17:23

Since when has low self esteem or depression been a defence against benefit fraud? Hmm

Mignonette · 27/02/2014 17:27

It is not a defence. It is a mitigation. Two very different things.

Floggingmolly · 27/02/2014 17:31

Why would it mitigate defrauding the government of thousands? Plenty of people suffer depression without resulting to common theft.

Mintyy · 27/02/2014 17:35

God, some of you are incredibly heartless, rigid and unimaginative! This whole thread is about why is that the men in these cases so often get away with it.

Has anyone actually read Fryschocolatecream's excellent post:

"Only two PPs have said what I was thinking. There is a real problem with the system because this woman was supposed to stop claiming just because she had some idiot come and live with her. Never mind that in this case he was abusive but generally why should a new partner suddenly pay for her and four children just because he wants a relationship with her? It is very strange and makes the woman horribly dependent on a new partner.

there is also the added problem of the absolute nightmare of stopping and starting claims as someone else said up thread. Truly stressful stuff."

?

songlark · 27/02/2014 17:35

If only the greedy money grabbing MPs had all been imprisoned at the height of their expenses fraud. Benefit fraud is wrong but in some cases it's probably done just to survive whereas the MPs did it purely through greed.

Mintyy · 27/02/2014 17:36

Depression is a mitigating factor in many crimes ffs.

WooWooOwl · 27/02/2014 17:38

Why should low self esteem be a mitigation against fraud?

Would you suggest that someone who was caught evading their tax should go to the docs and see if they can get off the charges against them on grounds of low self esteem?

How far do you take it? Should we be extra lenient on any criminal that claims they have low self esteem or depression, including those who break into people's houses, or mug people, on the streets, or steal cars, or drink drive? Or do you only reserve excuses for those on benefits?

What a load of shite.

WooWooOwl · 27/02/2014 17:40

Mintyy, what's wrong with the idea that she should stop claiming as a single parent when she chooses not to be single anymore?

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2014 17:41

Well if we're repeating posts then (can't remember who originally posted this) I'll repeat this one...

But no-one should be moving a "new partner" in when they have kids. So no "new" partner is going to be taking responsibility for kids they barely know, they are paying appropriate costs for their family/household.

Floggingmolly · 27/02/2014 17:46

This woman was supposed to stop claiming just because she had some idiot come and live with her. Confused. Well, yes...
That's the system, actually. As least it is round our way.
Don't be so bloody daft Hmm

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2014 17:50

And remember the OP said He was amazing at first and promised the earth as they do

And yet even then she continued to claim her benefits as a single parent.

It doesn't really look as though she ever had any intention of stopping, does it?

Mintyy · 27/02/2014 17:52

There is nothing wrong with the idea WooWoo. But only if her new partner is decent and going to make up the difference to her benefits with his own money. And, it appears that there's lots of support for the idea that new partners should not have to pay for another man's children so ... what is the mother supposed to do? Let her children starve?

Anonymai · 27/02/2014 17:53

She could put her children first and SHOCK HORROR not move the man in?

Swipe left for the next trending thread