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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off by my own mother, the diet saboteur..Rant!! sorry.

41 replies

coffeehouse · 25/02/2014 11:10

I am so fed up..
I have lost two stone steadily over the last couple of years for mainly health reasons.
Now its just a constant onslaught of junk food. The worst case was a delivery by her of 5kg of chocolate last year!!
There are loads more examples, but to give you an idea of the problem -Earlier this week she bought me two lunches!? Along with 2 boxes of 6 cakes and crisps, fizzy drinks etc.
Yesterday, a loaf of bread ( which she knows I cant eat) Huge shop bought cake and 5 bags of cadburys cream eggs.. She says its some for the children, some for me..
If I get angry she makes out she just wants to treat the children, and speaks like I deprive them. They get treats now and again like any normal childhood. Not gorged to feeling sick as she seems to think is right.
I simply don't want my children eating this way either. If she has (rarely) babysat they have once or twice vomited...I have told her and told her and she gets hurt and then it gets worse..
I am angry at myself this morning - I just had some of the cake I realise my sel fcontrol is my own issue, but I am aware of it and therefore rarely buy treats...
She once had a massive strop because I declined fish and chips.

I hope I have a fairly healthy attitude to food, I grow and cook lots and I bake.
I am a fairly solid, healthy 10 stone, so I am not underweight by any means.
Am I over reacting to this please?? If not what can I do?

OP posts:

Emilycee · 25/02/2014 11:25

YANBU if she won't listen and you have told her then I'd just smile, accept it then bin it.

Well done on losing your 2 stones by the way!

Divinity · 25/02/2014 11:29

Get it all in the bin and put washing up liquid on it. It's not wasteful, it's saving your waist! Is she jealous of you? Silly woman.

LouiseSmith · 25/02/2014 11:35

My gran is the same, stuck in her ways and no one else is right. Just accept it, give one to DCs (so if she asks if they enjoyed x, y or z they don't have to lie, or drop you in it) then bin the rest x

mymiraclebubba · 25/02/2014 11:37

Just accept it gracefully and then bin it. You don't have to eat it

specialsubject · 25/02/2014 11:37

isn't 'no thank you?' a complete sentence? She isn't holding you down and force-feeding you, I hope?

give it back, or just leave it on your front gate with a sign saying 'help yourself', or take it to a charity shop for the workers. The expense of 5kg of chocolate beggars belief.

why can't you eat bread BTW? Good carbs.

please don't bin or destroy food, though.

flakjacket · 25/02/2014 11:39

Take it to the local food bank.

tonyblairsreallygoodlegsnbutt · 25/02/2014 11:40

Take it to the food bank. Is your DM overweight? She may be taking your weight loss as a personal criticism of her own lifestyle.

SavoyCabbage · 25/02/2014 11:42

Tell her to give the children a treat by taking them to the park or by playing snakes and ladders with them.

pussycatdoll · 25/02/2014 11:44

If you work take it to the staff room
Will soon get devoured

DinahLady · 25/02/2014 11:46

Take it to the local food bank.

I was just about to say the exact same thing but have been beaten to it.
If she won't take no for an answer and keeps up the onslaught after you've said you don't want it all, send it to a much more appreciative audience where it's wanted!
She'll be none the wiser, you can say "mm yum" to it and she'll stay perpetually baffled when you stay lovely and slim despite all her best efforts to sabotage you!

fuzzpig · 25/02/2014 11:47

Yes, food bank is a great idea. At least somebody benefits then :)

Nanny0gg · 25/02/2014 11:47

Okay.

For whatever reason she is sabotaging what you are trying to do. Is she overweight or particularly slim herself? Were you overweight as a child? Does she think you blame her for your weight, therefore she is being defensive? Ask her why she is doing what she is doing and ignoring your wishes.

As far as your children are concerened, perhaps agree with her the treats you will allow. If they are sick again because she has ignored you, I would treat it as a deal-breaker. Making children sick isn't 'treating' them at all.

What she brings/offers you - reject politely and stay firm. If she brings it to your home send it back with her.

please don't bin or destroy food, though. What is she supposed to do with it? I highly doubt food banks will accept the kind of food the OP is given.

If she won't take it away and there is no-one you can give it to then you will have to sadly, bin it. It's not your problem that she is wasteful.

Well done on your weight loss. Don't let her ruin it for you.

ladymia · 25/02/2014 11:49

YABU. stop being a victim. say no.

DinahLady · 25/02/2014 11:52

OK then, try your local food banks and if they won't accept it, do you work in an office?
Take it all to work with you and it'll be descended on and devoured within minutes. That's what it was like when I worked in an office anyway!
Either that, or go round knocking on all your neighbours door and foist the boxes of chocolates into their arms on door opening.
They might initially think you're barking but they might be grateful too...

Cleartheclutter · 25/02/2014 11:56

I have given food away to neighbours, people at work, wrapped it up and given it as gifts.

I just brought a box of biscuits into work that were given to me at Christmas, they were gone in half an hour once I put them in the kitchen at work!!

You don't have to eat it

DustyBaubles · 25/02/2014 11:57

Food banks will definitely take fizzy drinks, sweets and pretty much anything in a packet.

Please don't throw it away.

it's no big deal to just not eat it. Tell your mother what you are doing with it if you like.

Cleartheclutter · 25/02/2014 11:58

Food banks will accept all those items except bread and perhaps the cake if it is not a fresh one

I have donated boxes and boxes of chocolates to the food bank, they were very grateful

Original poster

coffeehouse · 25/02/2014 12:02

Thank you all.

I do feel bad about binning food - I thought I would try to beat her at her own game and just eat what she brings so she maybe doesn't feel she has to keep doing this.

Thanks Special subject - no she is not force feeding me, I appreciate where your coming from. I am aware I have very low willpower when cakes ect are around. I do sometimes eat them though, just not in the amounts and in the time scale that they can arrive at my home..

I cant eat shop bought bread and some other processed products as I have to follow a low sodium diet given by my consultant due to health problems. Its not the carbs. I eat a balanced diet and don't cut food groups :-)

Yes my mum is overweight and has been since she had me 40 years ago, and is very miserable about it.
She asks me a lot of questions my diet and what I cooking or have eaten. She says things like "oh! your still slim?"

I like the idea of leaving it on the door step with a Help yourself

I have said NO many times and got pretty angry - This just wont stop. My son earns some pocket money at their house at weekends (and a lunch!!) and she sends him home with more of it...

2 weeks ago she emptied all her food cupboards and brought it all to mine - bags of pasta and cans and jars and biscuits and cakes and crisps!! Its just bizarre. I probably sound ungrateful as this would help a lot of people out, I realise. But here it is unwanted. And she is aware of that.

OP posts:

MaskedInvader · 25/02/2014 12:03

Cut the cake and bread into slices, then put it in the freezer. Then it's there as a standby for guests / quick meals for the kids. Or as people have said, share it round at work.

The crisps and creme eggs and fizzy pop will be very gratefully received by the food bank, who do need some 'fun things' as well as the pasta and tins of toms that are their staples. Local charity shop volunteers and organisations do very much appreciate chocs and biscuits too - we were given some at Christmas and were very touched by the thought.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 25/02/2014 12:05

Don't bin it please. Take it to Shelter, or a similar place.

AngelaDaviesHair · 25/02/2014 12:06

If you take it, even for the food bank, she will keep bringing it. Given she has fed your children to the point of vomiting on occasion, then you do need to get the message through that you really don;'t want her to keep doing this. So I would give it back to her every single time. Quietly but firmly. Make sure what she comes with she leaves with. Or you drop it back to her later.

Bahhhhhumbug · 25/02/2014 12:06

Does your mum struggle with showing affection ? - just a thought as my mum was a really cold person , no hugging or kissing but her way was to be constantly 'nurturing' us with endless (food) treats and baking and piling more on our plates and never letting us cook for ourselves even into our teens. I often wonder if it was the only way she knew how to show affection apparently some people are like this with food when they find it hard to be demonstrative in other ways.

fluffyraggies · 25/02/2014 12:17

OP dont feel bad about struggling with having this food in the house. it's true that ''you dont have to eat it'', but i imagine that most folk on a weight loss programe would prefer not to have the food they are trying to avoid pushed under their nose!

I agree that the ideal here would be to decline the gifts of food untill she gives up. However if this course of action is going to be very stressful then tell her once you dont want it in the house, then after that accept the food, but give it away/bin it. Then, if/when she asks about it, be honest and tell her what you did. Bluntly say you dont want to risk your diet by having it in the house, but she wont take no for an answer. You may not be able to change her, but you can find your own way to live your life the way you want

Original poster

coffeehouse · 25/02/2014 12:19

Bahhhhhumburg you could be right? I am realising its her problem. Its extreme behaviour I think..
My husband doesn't feel it comes from a helpful affectionate place though. He says if she wanted to help us out she would bring what she knew we enjoyed..fresh veggies, fruit etc, or as some earlier said, take the kids out for the day.

AngelaDaviesHair your totally right, I can see that now. I cant even let her bring it. She see's me laughing at her or getting angry when she brings it all in and still it continues. I am going to have to grow a pair and face the wrath..

OP posts:

MaskedInvader · 25/02/2014 12:25

My MiL brings food down (not to the extent of yours, at all!) and so we've got quite good on sorting through it. I find that if you look at the food and already have plans for dealing with it, then its all much more manageable.

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