to be pissed off by my own mother, the diet saboteur..Rant!! sorry.

[coffeehouse]

I am so fed up..
I have lost two stone steadily over the last couple of years for mainly health reasons.
Now its just a constant onslaught of junk food. The worst case was a delivery by her of 5kg of chocolate last year!!
There are loads more examples, but to give you an idea of the problem -Earlier this week she bought me two lunches!? Along with 2 boxes of 6 cakes and crisps, fizzy drinks etc.
Yesterday, a loaf of bread ( which she knows I cant eat) Huge shop bought cake and 5 bags of cadburys cream eggs.. She says its some for the children, some for me..
If I get angry she makes out she just wants to treat the children, and speaks like I deprive them. They get treats now and again like any normal childhood. Not gorged to feeling sick as she seems to think is right.
I simply don't want my children eating this way either. If she has (rarely) babysat they have once or twice vomited...I have told her and told her and she gets hurt and then it gets worse..
I am angry at myself this morning - I just had some of the cake I realise my sel fcontrol is my own issue, but I am aware of it and therefore rarely buy treats...
She once had a massive strop because I declined fish and chips.

I hope I have a fairly healthy attitude to food, I grow and cook lots and I bake.
I am a fairly solid, healthy 10 stone, so I am not underweight by any means.
Am I over reacting to this please?? If not what can I do?

Thank you fluffyraggies. I have no will power. I am the first to admit it.

Another example.

When we visit for Mothersday I know she will bring out at least three trays full of cake. A huge roses type tin full of penguins, taxi's etc

We will all have one, maybe two but anything we don't eat she will bag up and try to send us home with. Its too much but its seems so horrible to say I don't want it. She will say I am taking myself too seriously,I am not going down any catwalks and the poor children would like it.

Sounds like she's jealous that you can lose weight and she can't, and is - consciously or not - trying to sabotage your efforts. Well done you, by the way!

I'd be tempted to put it all in the bin in front of her next time she arrives with a load of crap food. Tell her that you've asked her enough times, and as she insists, you have no choice. Unwrap it, and tip it all in together, so that it is beyond salvage. Maybe if she see's it going straight in the bin a few times, she'll get the message. Tell her to bring healthy stuff if she wants to bring anything for the kids.

If she persists, there's a danger she'll warp your children's view of what a healthy diet is, and all that this entails.

I am just sat here laughing, imagining doing that plainjanine!!

Sometimes the stupidest things can become such of an issue cant they! I have to regain my humour on this and stop it now! She is winning whatever strange game she is playing with me..
Thankfully my children are now old enough to realise its very odd, and don't gorge - but they do just except it which is not good, is it!

Thank you all - Its been really helpful

Not going down any catwalks? That's quite a put-down.

Just have a plan, between you and DH. Maybe he could step in and say no, break up the dynamic between you and her. Because there often is a very difficult mother-daughter dynamic at play.

My mother is subtly odd about food and diets. She really monitors her food intake and keeps her weight down. Yet she undermines my diet (3 and a half stone down since having my younger child, 2 to go).

I've learned that, despite the fact we love each other, my mother is not my weight-loss friend. Don't understand why, she just isn't. We can't really discuss eating, or weight, we're not on the same page about it at all. She has no self-knowledge on this and no insight into her own issues, which get visited on me. I tend to go completely off-piste like a naughty teenager when my mother is around, if I'm not very careful.

Don't let the desire not to hurt her feelings get in the way of what you want. You want to lose weight and stay healthy, she has to get out of your way so you can do it. Don't put her first on this, honestly.

You know that feeding kids crap food is not really atreat for them, deep down, dont you.

we all do.

We go with it though, because its a cheap, easy way to give kids something nice. what's not nice is being told your kids are somehow ' poor kids' if they're not eating loads of choc! thats rubbish. dont listen to it. shes gulit tripping and trying to be manipulative. for what reason, i dont know, and it doesnt matter really. When shes pushing loads of cake/choc at you ''for the sake of the children'' airily say mum, they dont NEED thisfood, its not good foe them, i dont want them eating loads of it. i'll take one bit/slice of X, Y or Z but not the rest thanks.

its ok. you can refuse it x

Yes I have been AngelaDavisHair! worrying about upsetting her!? When actually she is upsetting me. On purpose I think.

It sounds like your working hard to loose some weight too, and people should respect how hard that is..

I think your right - I mustn't talk anything food related and not get drawn into it. Avoid avoid avoid!

sorry for crappy typing. one hand free, baby in other arm :)

You're so right, fluffy. It isn't good for the kids, it's just an easy way for adults to feel they've been nice.

People who say just don't eat it are being stupid. Losing weight is so psychologically difficult that hardly anyone who tries achieves lasting success. Not allowing the wrong foods into the house can be a very important defense against behavioural slip-ups.

People who are saying don't bin food aren't helping either. What's more important, one day's food waste or OP's ongoing sense of well-being?

Absolutely fluffy.

My children have a normal childhood diet - Crisps in lunch box, odd choccy bar etc. Fizzy drinks sometimes. Just normal I hope..

I realise I cant even look at this type of food anymore though Haha x

Fraidycat - Thank you! Just realised she does not do this to my brother - This is a special treat, just for me..

What they all said. And if she gives so much junk to your kids that they're sick, I'd stop her having unsupervised time with them too.

I grew up with a mother like this. Me and all my siblings have issues with weight. I am the 'slim' one at the moment. My sisters do not like this and I am encouraged to eat. I think it makes them feel better for some reason. Not helpful, but I feel your pain! Don't let her do it to your dcs.

I once heard a good quote that stuck with me (I used to hate the idea of binning or wasting food)

'The food is a waste whether it is sitting in the bottom of the bin or your bottom as extra fat'! (If its surplus to what you need to eat and makes you feel sick/full/bloated etc)

The food bank is a good idea.. although if this is a regular occurance and you keep having to make the journey to drop it off whilst being busy with your own things then it becomes a pain. Plus she might think you have eaten it and bring you even more!

As someone who stuggles to diet, I can't have sweets, cakes etc in my cupboards or I would just scoff it! So I sympathise with you Coffeehouse.

Does your mum MAKE any of the food she brings? If not you could say "Oh mum I'm baking our food from now on because of all the additives they put in the shop bought stuff nowadays". !!

You could blame Jamie Oliver for making people aware of the crap in shop bought stuff!!

Delia Smith is also an additive avoider you could point out what she says in her recipe books.

No she does not make any of it. Its all treat food.
I would always appreciate something homemade.

I think she is trying justify her diet by doing this to me...Its nasty and I think she is angry I have lost weight. Thinking about it, sadly I have lived with her growing up and seen her insecurities over her weight ( she is not huge, I add, maybe a size 16/18 but wears much much larger) Crash dieting or exercising for a day but never committing though..She is old enough to know better tbh and I am not playing anymore.