Aibu to think that I just won't allow him to?

[Dollslikeyouandme]

Kids on Facebook/Twitter etc.

Luckily ds is 5 so I don't have to worry for a few years yet.

But when the

The way I see it is that they can either have an account I know about and can see or they set themselves up with a secret one I know nothing about. I know which I prefer.

I do realise they could, in fact, have both though!

DS's xbox messages are complete gobbledygook as far as I can tell, he had to ask me to try and translate one recently from a friend. If I could ban anything technology related it would be text speak..

artorana - I always preferred a messenger on horseback myself.

it seems to be with teens that if you start using there hankered after website - they gradually stop using it Facebook has many many teens on the site but 95% of those teens are inactive on Facebook and have moved on to other sites such as instergram and the likes.

Try mentioning to your teen that you want to follow them on instergram and see the face they pull in return

I would never let a messenger on horseback near my DD - all those sweaty, rippling muscles, leather and long boots.

... Could turn a young girls head - I of course would intercept all messengers on horseback to check the contents of messages and offer refreshment etc

Of course it's food for thought Lottie.

To try to put how I feel into perspective, I hate the thought that what you put on the Internet is out there potentially forever, photos, videos, things you say, and of course, 100% I will try to teach ds about personal responsibility, and to also be confident enough in himself to say no/be careful, I already do this in many ways not related to the Internet.

What I wonder is if kids are ever really responsible enough to be given such a risky level of freedom, sure there are risks in everything, but if someone took a picture of her mates boobs at a sleepover in the 90's, she'd have to get the photo developed, show it around, it could be ripped up, these days that photo could be around the school in seconds.

The amount of times I see kids in the street saying haha I'm gonna put that on Facebook/YouTube.

Sure you can give restricted, policed access, but even as with a blanket ban, if a teenager decides to do something daft, the video of them drinking in the park, they could still set up a second secret account. I'd like to believe I could be one step ahead (I can be pretty determined).

I also think that while technology is great, it's a bit of ashame if we don't keep the old fashioned ways for kids, there's something about instant access to everything that doesn't sit right.

There was something quite nice about calling for your friend and hoping they'd be in, maybe there's a balance and it's not all that different after all?

I'm sure I'll find out in time to come.

You sound like you might be changing your mind...?

The problem is that the scenario you mentioned could happen even if your child had no access to the internet/ social media. The thing exists and we have to accept and deal with it. I know I will be worrying about my children and the negative impacts social media can have but I can't ignore it and make it go away. Tempting as living on the Isle of Arran might be!

So I will try and give them self confidence and resilience and all the support I can offer.

It was something somebody said about confidence, I can see why it can be a good idea to allow kids to own their decisions sometimes, to a point.

Sometimes it's the way people reply in aibu, makes me a bit 'woah, don't mince your words will you'.

Please also bear in mind I'm breezing through this parenting lark so far, most of the things people told me haven't happened, so far.
He's been a good sleeper/eater, never really had terrible tantrums to speak of, well behaved (most of the time) not so much as a glove lost at school, going behind my back as a teen, no way!

He's going to seriously rebel isn't he?

Yes, but would you have sent a telegram to your friend as a teenager and waited for the reply? Or would you have phoned them like everyone else? Even if you did have to speak to their mum or (dying of shame) their hot older brother first. That was the norm then and facebook is the norm now.

I actually think that my sister (22) is missing out socially because she is not on facebook. Nobody phones any more. I arrange 99% of my social activities through facebook. I have someone's facebook before I have their phone number.

Dolls
Oh yes, be afraid, be very afraid .

OP you can set up your throne against the rising tide of social media etc but we all know how Canute did with that don't we?

Just saying no, and believing that your DS will just blithely continue to comply with your wishes at 14/15 you are in real danger of missing a trick

It was something somebody said about confidence, I can see why it can be a good idea to allow kids to own their decisions sometimes, to a point.

when are you planning to allow them to make their own decisions? To do their homework or not, when to drink, when to have sex, when to leave home/ have children?
I believe that children should always make their own decisions, its my job to help them reach the appropriate choice. Networking is no different.
Ds1 got facebook on his 13th birthday, he chose to wait without haranging me because there would have been consequences otherwise- ie me making his life difficult. He is also on my friends list and I am allowed full access to his account when I like (this has only been used once).
Ds2 and Dd havent mentioned it.

Ah I remember Kevin, I also remember my nephew not coming out from underneath his hood for 4 years.

The other thing to consider, as a personal sidenote, but also as general for me being anti social networking and lots of Internet stuff.

I left a DV relationship with then baby ds, even with false names and hidden profiles it wouldn't take a genius to find somebody if you've got an idea what area they're in, schools, friends lists, other people who've left their pages open.

It's the same for anyone who doesn't want to be found, even if you're safe or stay off sites, other people can put your stuff up.

I found out a neighbour had innocently put a picture of me up clearing the snow.

It adds to my dislike of Facebook.

Littledrummer I did explain that I already do, choose his clothes, choose who he wants to invite to his party, spend his birthday money but suggest he doesn't spend it all on sweets.

But as they get older their decision making involves more risks, and sometime as a parent you have to say no.

For me though I didn't realise that this was such the norm as I haven't got to that stage yet, seems just from here that most children are allowed on and want to be, I don't know many teenagers so...

I am sorry about that dolls - I hate all the photographing of school events for that reason and get pissed off with people posting pics that include other peoples children on FB. I always ensure that I only post pictures of my own children and now they are getting older I don't post that many pictures.

Well, not wanting to be recognisable is a different issue I think. Of course massively important and related but I don't think you can conflate it with internet safety in general. I think you'll have to approach the whole issue slightly differently to other parents for this reason.

dolls my ds1 sounds like your child

Very well behaved, pretty good at sleeping and eating, no tantrums,

I thought he would rebel at some point.

He is 15 now and still an absolute joy!!

I am well aware that last comment will come back and bite me on the bum

How do you imagine you can stop them? Its all very well thinking what you like to be able to do,but its not that simple.

My dad said i wasn't allowed faceparty. So i set it up at a friends house. Didn't have phones with internet at the time but i could access it at mates internets and stuff. They will find a way. I am similar to you OP i don't really like FB but i am admitting defeat that when ds is 13 (if fb is still the in thing) he will probably want an account

FB already is NOT the in thing with this age group ime!

You do know he will set up a secret account that you know nothing about?

Better to have one you can keep an eye on.

So I guess I'd be unreasonable to lock him in his room wrapped in cotton wool once he turns 12?

You would be U... It's bloody tempting though!