Aibu to think that I just won't allow him to?

[Dollslikeyouandme]

Kids on Facebook/Twitter etc.

Luckily ds is 5 so I don't have to worry for a few years yet.

But when the

I don't let mine have Facebook until they are 13, but if I'd have tried to keep my 13 yo off it when he knew that Facebook had decided he was old enough we might have had problems.

It's really not that bad, he has an account and I have full access to it. Whenever I log into his account the private messages are all just teenage boys having a bit of banter and most of the chat is about school related stuff. It's actually been really useful for him as he goes to a school where none of the children live close to each other so it makes arranging cinema trips in the holidays and such like much easier.

I don't think you can teach children to access the Internet safely if you don't allow them access to the Internet, and as long as you monitor it and keep reinforcing the safety messages, it really doesn't have to be something terrible that should be avoided.

You do know the idea behind having children is to teach them how to cope with what life throws at them with a view to them growing more mature and leaving home...... and being able to cope with all that the big horrid world outside can throw at them.,...

baby steps..... 5 year old - no.... 10 .... under supervision..... 13 own accounts, more freedom etc........

most of us who were bullied before the internet existed not trying to project but i used to get kids phoning my house (landline) and sending notes through my door or in school the notes were spread around, bullying is bullying it has always existed way before facebook

You are much better allowing your DS to use the Social Networking Sites, that will include Gaming at an appropriate age, of course.

Then talk to him about the dangers and let him talk through anything that is happening without over reacting, that is how you keep your young teen safe.

My youngest is 16, I am also a main support to my Neices, my SC and their friends.

It amazes me what they have to come to me with and cannot talk to their parents. I have given advice on all subjects and attended Sexual Health Clinics, feeling sad that it isn't their own Mum with them.

It has also been me who has had the phone calls in the night when they have sneaked out (without anyone knowing) and have got into difficulty.

If I hadn't been phoned, I dread to think what the outcome could of been.

Zero tolerance etc doesn't work with Teens, openness does, to keep them as safe as possible and achieve a positive ending.

I would never say to ds 'because I said so', if I ever said no to anything I would discuss it and explain my reasoning.

I was on FB and know how it works, it was all chat rooms and yahoo messenger when I was a kid.

I deleted FB for various reasons of my own, nosey people, idiots on news feed, witnessing cyber bullying.

I don't think you need to use something at 12, 13, 14 to be able to handle it at 18, 19, 20. Children are just not responsible enough for certain things, imo, that's why you can't drink, drive, do lots of things until you're 18. Children also just don't need certain things, they see their friends at school everyday, after school, not like adult trying to keep in touch.

Most people are naturally just more mature by 18, by the time they've worked, been to college, you can learn Facebook/Twitter or whatever settings at any age.

For people 30+ the Internet would have barely been around in their teens, doesn't mean they are clueless about Internet safety now does it?

So why ask OP? you're not actually asking if YABU- you'd already decided you're not.

You're wrong OP.

Hth.

I think the recent NEk Nomination issue on there proves that people aren't naturally more mature at 18 tbh...
I just think that you are being a little short sighted to say a blanket 'no' when it comes to social networking. A bit like banning your child from eating sweets, it becomes a desired thing to have or do. Children are taught internet safety in school now, my year 3 DD is on the school networking site and can chat to her friends as well as doing homework on there. Likewise DS is on his school networking site. We have full access to both, as well as DS's phone and computer. He knows it's non negotiable and the same thing will happen to his sisters.
Tbh if you encourage them to be open and honest with you and explain the dangers of keeping secrets then it will make your life a whole lot easier than dealing with constant nagging to get onto the latest fashionable site!

I think the recent NEk Nomination issue on there proves that people aren't naturally more mature at 18 tbh

exactly

Well, if you want your ds to be completely out of the loop, miss party invitations, not be able to catch up on missed homework, not know what his friends are doing until too late, not be able to discuss and get help with school work he doesn't understand, not be able to join in with group work planning........go right ahead.

I don't think that every 18 year old is doing neknominations, besides binge drinking is a separate issue surely?

I've heard of 30 year olds doing neknominations, age won't always stop you being a prat.

Would love to hear back from you in 8 years or so

Please do let us know how the whole "no social networking" conversation goes with your then hormonal spotty man child

I do see your point and I agree with you that you have masses of control right up til about year 7, then they are lost for ever to the pit they call their bedroom

OP you are saying you WILL say a blanket no. Yes you'll give your reasons but the outcome will be the same. No. End of.

I can tell you now that your DS will access stuff behind your back as a result. Then not feel able to talk to you about it because you've made your feelings SO plain.

My DD is 14. She was 13 when I let her go on FB. I have dull access to her account at all times. (Although TBH she's hardly on it). 3 weeks ago she received a barrage of horrible messages from a girl at school. I won't lie, it really really upset us all. But my DD came stright to me with them and dealt with them together. She knew she could come to me about it because I am open to discussion about "stuff".

Even though this heppened I still haven't banned FB. The problem wasn't FB, it was this horrid girl. If it hadn't happened on FB on Saturday, it would have heppened at school on Monday. At least this way, we had full evidence of what she'd said and it was jumped on by the school very quickly and firmly.

Just try and keep an open mind.

Remember when you first had DS and you said he would never watch TV? Or eat chocolate? How you must laugh at that now.

The job of a parent is not to control their teenage children, it is to educate them so that they can make appropriate choices.

Of course not all of them are, it was just an example of supposed adults not always being more mature...
I do disagree that they are automatically out of the loop if they don't have it though, it shouldn't be pushed onto them any more than it should be kept away from them. They should be free to make the choice at the appropriate age and helped to be sensible with it.

I agree op- bad alcohol education/ irresponsible exposure (by parents) is responsible for binge drinking. The people who were lucky enough to be introduced to alcohol properly and educated about the dangers wont have become involved in dangerous NeK nominations.

Just like safe, age appropriate, supervised exposure to internet will prevent irresponsible use at 18 when they get free reign over it.

tbh I can see where you are coming from you hear horrendous tragic stories about young people harming themselves because of cyber bullying but your son is only 5 and at this moment in time your view is NO WAY but what will you do when he is 13 and his friends are using social network in some form and he is left out, being a teen is all about fitting in one way or another, they go on about being individual and all that but in reality they want and need to be doing the same as their peers IME

My DDwill be allowed Facebook at 13. Some of her friends have it now but we are going along the lines of, thems the rules if Facebook and that's how it is. Also pointing out how she has more physical freedoms than most of her friends so she can't say we're strict.

She has a smartphone and laptop but an iPhone for its parental controls and we run our own server so history, downloads and email are checkable.

t shouldn't be pushed onto them any more than it should be kept away from them. They should be free to make the choice at the appropriate age and helped to be sensible with it.

of course it shouldn't be forced on them my dd doesn't have instagram she isnt interested so it is her choice

I don't know why I'm getting such obnoxious answers.

Firstly I didn't say I'd never let ds use the Internet, he already does for games and homework.

I'm talking specifically about sites like Facebook or whatever's around by then. Where there are certain risks posed with photo sharing, bullying etc.

And yes bullying goes on without sites but they of course make it far easier, different types of bullying, easier to keep it a secret.

I also said I have a 5 year old, I haven't experienced being a parent to a teenager yet, so things like this are yet to come.

Anyway I'm off because it seem that lately on here people aren't able to have a discussion or disagree without bring as rude and obnoxious as possible. If people have first hand experience if teens then by all means say it won't be like that, instead I get 'hahaha you're wrong, you're an idiot, you don't know what you're talking about'.

In fairness OP you came on AIBU with your mind already made up, so your posting was pretty pointless.

If you don't like the answers, don't ask the questions.

So how exactly are you planning on stopping him?

Internet enabled devices are everywhere, even if they don't have smartphones/tablets/laptops then most of their friends will have. Are you going to ban him from going to other people's houses so he doesn't access the Internet? What about school? They are able to go online at school and most teens have phones that they use during the day, how are you going to police that?

Can you stop a teen doing something at home? Probably. Do you have control of everything they do outside of home? Not at all

Where are the obnoxious answers OP? Crikey! Touchy!

Thank you for sensible answers btw, food for thought.

Yourebeingabitsilly, funny though regarding binge drinking, my dad is an alcoholic and watching him fall down the stairs, vomiting was enough to put me off drinking for life.

He will be out of the loop.

The first thing my exam classes do after the lesson when I split them into practical exam groups is set up a FB group to coordinate rehearsals.

It generally means I'm out of the bloody loop (school ICT policy means I can't endorse this, tell them to do it, or access it myself).

Doesn't stop them bloody doing it though.

This is mirrored across other subjects as well as their social lives. They plan weekends and school holidays on FB, share their feelings on Twitter (I agree that's a dodgy thing to do, and would educate any teen of mine on the dangers of that).

I remember looking incredulously at my parents when they said I 'didn't need' to ring friends after school because I'd been with them all day. It simply didn't work like that in the early 90s before social networking, even more so now.