Baby at 46

[TwittyMcTwitterson]

My lovely mum is going for fertility checks tomorrow to see how difficult it will be to conceive. At 46, she's not receiving that much positive feedback. She always wanted a big family and only had me. One of her biggest regrets.

I'm fairly certain it's not empty nest syndrome as I've lived away for 9 years now. I'm 26 and have a DD myself of 2.5 or a midlife crisis as, like I say, she has always wanted this and hasn't just gone and bought a Porsche

She's not the healthiest 46 yr old. Diets not great, smokes like the proverbial chimney, don't think she'd quit but would cut down but that's another thread has around a glass or more of wine a night. Her life is set up very much as a 46 year old. I don't imagine a baby would fit in easily. She's also self employed and recently set up her own business. She's also not in the stablest of relationships.

Most people have said about tiredness and not realising how knackering it is. However, I said that when I was 24. Her friends who had children at 38 and 40.ish have not been as supportive as you'd think.

Anyway, I'm basically asking if anyone has any constructive advice for her. She's fed up of people putting her down and dismissing it as a fanciful idea. Is it as bad as they say or should she happily go ahead?

Thanks in advance

Yes I am sure my kids are being damaged by me being sooooo ancient. FFS

'Remember the decade they are born into....' WTAF. What on earth are some people talking about on here???? It is getting so offensive. The idea that being in your 40s is elderly, that you are physically decrepit, that you might not know how to raise a child in a modern way? Really? People think older parents would do this?

To a point I agree tho. You should have seen the dresses my mum put me in!!! She brings them down from the loft and puts DD in them

The old saying 'when I was young I didn't care what I wore, clearly my parents didn't either' comes to mind

But clothes could possibly be quite unimportant and not what PP meant. Makes me chuckle tho. And all the terrible hairdos. Ha! Thanks for the morning giggle.

People don't necessarily put their kids in the clothes of their childhood you know.

I am nearly 42 (how ancient) and my daughter is dressed in modern fashionable clothes.

And I dont use 1970s parenting techniques.

Some real nonsense on this thread.

I think I might know where "Britishgal" might be coming from. These elderly 40 year old parents will be doing all the old fashioned stuff like taking their dcs to the park, reading to them, playing with them, having conversations with them. When we all should all just be parking them in a corner with an ipad - it's the modern way doncha know.

Ahaha - yeah of course I dress DS in fuddy duddy frumpy stuff because I'm 50.

DS wears POP and Boden when he's not at school and minecraft tshirts.

I'm really curious now what forcing to behave like a 60s child actually means?!?

This thread has encouraged me to go and have a proper look at my 40-something head for the first time in a while, and lo and behold it is full of grey hairs - I hold mumsnet personally responsible for this well either mumsnet or the toddler

I am choking on my coffee reading a couple of the posts... Do some younger woman really believe that mid 40's is old? From some of the comments clearly so. Am chuckling at what some of you think a 70 year old is then.

My df is 83 and is one of the coolest guys I know, his approach to life is that of a much younger man. I really believe that lots of people get old before their time in their attitude which makes them appear older than they really are.

I don't believe for one second that because a parent was born in the 60's they would treat their child as if from that decade. Utter nonsense. I was born in the 60's and as I said earlier have 6 year old twins and they are certainly not parented as if from that era, why would I suddenly go back in time.

Brennans My lovely you seem very bitter, is there anything anyone can do to point you in the right direction to get help with that.

ha ha re: bringing children up as per the decade you were born in yourself. That could be quite fun, though.

I had my DC between the ages of 36 and 4 Judging by the faces of the other mums in the playground, I am pretty normal. It is a private school, admittedly (someone upthread suggested that older parents are more likely to be able to afford private). Mind you, my NCT group with my first was a group of 8 women, of whom 5 were older than me by a year or two - and their kids are all at local state schools, so I don't think it's unusual anywhere.

There's some sort of research that shows DC born to older mums have a higher IQ. Just to counterbalance the fewer viable eggs etc.

Swaying see my earlier post this morning for ideas. Plus I guess we had no fast food, restricted amounts of tv, played outside, early bedtimes, respect for adults, manners drilled into us, and not so much tat lovely things to play with.

Forgive me if I'm wrong (and I'm over 40 and therefore senile ) but isn't much of this what the current government is constantly banging on to parents about doing? Isn't the official line that children should be cutting out fast food, cutting down screen time, getting more exercise, getting more sleep, etc, etc?

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving. Every time I come back to it there's an even more ludicrous post. I'm 39 and considering more kids. If I wait till next year:

I will need to use IVF
With someone else's eggs
I will most likely have twins
Both with congenital abnormalities

If I survive the birth (unlikely due to my advanced age):

I will become terminally ill through tiredness
Or at least die before the baby is 10
I will dress the baby in flares and encourage them to take part in strikes (I was born in the 70s)

curiousuze, I feel exactly the same! I would have another DC if I won the lottery and DH could be convinced. I am 43 :)

My friendhad twins at 48. Conceived naturally.
But she was non smoker, fit and in a stable relationship, she was very surprised!

Do you think its more to do with acknowledging her child bearing days are coming to a natural end?
My friend is 46 and feels awful that nature is taking her choice away, if that makes sense. She would love another baby , but her DH does not. Her sons are leaving home and she hates it !

Forgot to add that when I hit 40 I will age overnight, my face crumpling like a rotting apple, like the fella in Indiana Jones who tries to steal the holy grail. I'll just be a skeleton with a couple of dangly eyeballs shouting at the kids to eat up their fray bentos, smash and angel delight.

Ha ha . Curious, that's funny about flares and strikes. I think I will do that with mine. Introduce powercuts and a 3 day week of work for me and DH, our kids will love being brought up as 70s kids.

that when I hit 40 I will age overnight, my face crumpling like a rotting apple

I know you're being sarcastic, but when I look in the mirror, that's exactly what i see. Happened at 37 though. When DC1 was born. So might have been the same if I'd been 17...

Oh my face is already most of the way there thanks to DS. I used to look young for my age as well {hollow laugh}

'that when I hit 40 I will age overnight, my face crumpling like a rotting apple'

Only if you are a scrawny gym bunny.
I'm in my 50s, but thanks to a lifetime of eating healthily my face and limbs have not withered away yet.

Curiousuze I am with you. 39 wanting a 2nd child. Gosh how will I cope with my twins and my terminal tiredness?

Time machine anyone?

Oh hang on, what's that you say? What women have been doing this for years and no ones leg fell off?!?

Do some younger woman really believe that mid 40's is old? From some of the comments clearly so.
Old for what though? For having a baby, I personally think so, yes.

Doesn't matter how old you are when you have kids. You'll still age in dog years from that point forwards.

I'm 43, fit and healthy and would have loved more children (I have two)
However we couldnt afford more than two and although it is a regret of mine that I didnt have at least children I cannot think of anything worse than 'starting again' now. My girls are 16 and 20, so I'll just wait to become a Grandma!
Even if we won the lottery and my husband was keen I would not consider having a baby now. Each to their own and I would not judge anyone else who decided to have a baby in their 40's. Once they reached their 50's I would start to judge, there has to be a cut off point somewhere.