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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

whats the point of having a mobile of u dont turn it on.

37 replies

NachoAddict · 23/02/2014 14:49

Ok so I am annoyed at dp but can't figure out if I am being unreasonable because I was already annoyed.

Dsd went away with her mum this weekend, mum text me to tell us and let us know she would drop dsd off on their way back today. I told dp this on Friday.

Today he has had his lie in, got up at half twelve when I called him and went out to find a forest? Looking for a good bike ride spot I think.

ds has had me up since 5 so I am shattered, I put him down for a nap when do went out and thought I would have one myself. Then ex turns up with dsd so that's out of the window. I try ringing his phone to tell him and its off. Cut much annoyance on my half.

so is he unreasonable to have his phone off when he knew dsd was arriving today?

so as not to drip feed I am already annoyed with him and that may be affecting my view. Basically we used to take turns having a lie in on the weekends but I have chosen to give mine up so I can go to my slimming class on a sat morning. However now I get up usually about 6 or 7 with ds, get ready etc and dp gets out of bed at 10am when I need to leave. Then he has his lie in in Sunday untill the afternoon so is effectively having both lie ins or not getting up with dsd either day.

OP posts:

cardibach · 23/02/2014 14:52

I've no idea about the first bits. The lie-in thing is ridiculous, though. If you now have to get up on a Saturday he should get up on Sunday. WHy isn't this happening?

IneedAsockamnesty · 23/02/2014 14:54

A mobile is for your own convienance not everybody else's however he knew she was arriving so he should have been contactable

Original poster

NachoAddict · 23/02/2014 14:55

Because to him 10am is not a lie in. So he thinks that he would be giving up his lie in for me to do my class if he had to get up at 10. However I would be very happy to stay in bed until 9.30 on a Saturday and then go out and let him laze around to his hearts content on a Sunday.

OP posts:

chesterberry · 23/02/2014 15:03

However I would be very happy to stay in bed until 9.30 on a Saturday and then go out and let him laze around to his hearts content on a Sunday.

That seems fair, why is he not getting up with DS on a Saturday morning and letting you have your lie-in? I would be annoyed as well!

starfishmummy · 23/02/2014 15:07

A mobile is a tool for the owner's convenience; it is not their master. If someone wants to turn it off or not answer it then that is what voicemail is for.

I feel the same about landlines

Original poster

NachoAddict · 23/02/2014 15:12

Starfish even knowing his dd was due to arrive and he is clearly just expecting me to look after her?

Chester I asked this question and was told, but you said you would sacrifice your lie in to go to class. Yes I did say that but I didn't realise I would be getting up twice while he stayed in bed twice.

OP posts:

FamiliesShareGerms · 23/02/2014 15:15

LurcioLovesFrankie · 23/02/2014 15:15

"A mobile is for your own convenience" - not entirely the case. I'd agree if it were colleagues wanting to hassle you out of work hours, or friends who you may or may not feel in the mood to talk to at a particular time. But your partner - who is looking after both the child you have jointly produced, and your child from a previous relationship: they have a right to expect to be able to contact you. Now it may be that this is a one-off and your DP forgot to charge it last night, or where-ever he's cycling has no mobile reception, in which case try to have a calm talk about it. But if it's a routine thing, I'd be going ballistic because he's taking the piss.

Original poster

NachoAddict · 23/02/2014 15:41

Lurcio Thanks, that is the point I was getting at, surely its his responsibility to be available for contact with his dd. Much as I love her dsd hasn't come to see me, she has come to see her dad and he knew she was coming so why turn his phone off.

He regularly has it off but not usually when dsd is coming.

OP posts:

dementedma · 23/02/2014 15:59

I turn my mobile off whenever I am at home. If you want me, use the landline or wait until I am available

IneedAsockamnesty · 23/02/2014 16:01

Out of context quote there lurcio

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/02/2014 16:06

So...put your fucking foot down - it's his daughter he should be IN when she arrives ffs. When do you get time to faff about for a day without any childcare issues?

Original poster

NachoAddict · 23/02/2014 16:15

Funky Chance would be a fine thing! Dp will have the kids if I want to do something or take them out if I am busy at home but I have to arrange it with him. I wouldn't just go out and say be back in a bit.

He said he was going to look for a new bike ride, he had the place in mind just needed to go and look at it. He hasn't taken his bike so hes not actually riding it. He said he wouldn't be long.

I rang his friend incase he had gone there. Friends wife said oh he left 5 mins ago he should be with you soon. They live a 5/10 min drive away and that was half an hour ago.

Dsd has been asking when her dad will be back every five mins since she arrived 3 hours ago.

Who just disappears until gone 4 when they know their child is coming for the day. She will be going home again at 6ish for school tomorrow!

OP posts:

Chippednailvarnish · 23/02/2014 16:19

To use my favourite MN quote; "If your DP sounds like a wanker, it's because he is".

Original poster

NachoAddict · 23/02/2014 16:19

Chipped I couldn't agree more, infact I am thinking it more and more often these days.

OP posts:

paxtecum · 23/02/2014 16:56

Wanker, knob head, man child, selfish and entitled.

He should be getting up early Sat am, so you get a bit of a lie in.

He is either seriously ill or bone idle if he has to lie in until midday.
He seems to be avoiding family time.

Original poster

NachoAddict · 23/02/2014 17:00

pax The sad thing is I honestly can't think of a single thing to defend him with.

He's definitely not ill. I used to lie in till all hours pre dc but now there aren't enough hours in the day as it is. I think 10am is reasonable for a lie in when you have a family.

OP posts:

wherethewildthingis · 23/02/2014 17:09

We have alternate lie ins here if we don't have plans of a weekend. That means one of us gets up with DS at half six, the other stays in bed till half eight, nine at the very latest. Who, other than a teenager, stays in bed till twelve?! If he works all week why isn't the weekend about family time?

diddl · 23/02/2014 17:40

Well if he knew about what time his daughter was arriving, why on earth would he not want to be there?

And you've had kids with him & can't just go out??

Do not understand at all tbh.

SeaSickSal · 23/02/2014 17:48

He may well be in an area where he can't get a signal .

Re the lie in YABU. Basically what you want him to get up and look after the kids on Saturday so you can go to a slimming class then get up again on a Sunday so you can have a lie in.

You're all pissed off you're not getting a lie in (because YOU have chosen to do something else) but it's fine for him not to have a lie in to accommodate a lie in and a slimming class for you.

Find a slimming class in the afternoon, on another day or do it online.

But it's you who has chosen to get up and do this slimming class rather than have a lie in. Blaming it on him is illogical, irrational and a bit nasty.

SeaSickSal · 23/02/2014 18:02

My husband and his mates always take the piss out of Mumsnet saying most of the posts are 'I went out and spent yesterday afternoon in bed with my lover. I came home and my husband had returned from work, cleaned the house, done the washing and ironing, had a beautiful meal made for me, the children had done been bathed and put to bed with their homework done. But there was a dirty coffee cup and a knife in the sink, what should I do?' And all the replies say 'That's emotional abuse, leave the bastard'.

It normally irritates me but then I read threads like this and I wonder.

The OP has chosen to so something else instead of having a lie in and apparently this makes him a bastard.

OP goes out and does an activity on her own and he should apparently bend over backwards to accommodate this AND a lie in. DP does an activity on his own and he is a selfish manchild avoiding family time.

The double standards are breath taking. It really makes you think some people just automatically say what a bastard the man is without even thinking it over for a second.

Original poster

NachoAddict · 23/02/2014 18:37

seasicksal you have massively missed the point. I don't want dp to get up on Sunday at all. I want him to get up on Saturday at 6/7 when ds gets up. I could then get up at 9/9.30 go to my class and be back before twelve ready to take over the childcare, housework etc.

Then on Sunday I would take my turn getting up at 6/7 and he could have his choice of activity which is namely sleeping until gone noon.

so we both get up one day of the weekend.

OP posts:

Original poster

NachoAddict · 23/02/2014 18:47

And also I have no problem doing activities on his own but when he knows his dd is arriving he should be contactable at least and considering she is only spending one afternoon with us this week he should actually be here?

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 23/02/2014 19:16

How much time did he spend with his daughter today?

LurcioLovesFrankie · 23/02/2014 19:29

Hmm, one hour's fitness/slimming class versus whole day out on his bike. Fair enough if this is a one-off and some weekends it works out the other way round (and I know lots of couples with very healthy relationships where it does work like this). However, if this is the pattern it always takes, there's a problem. Only the OP knows which is the situation in this case.

Sockreturning - my post was at starfish (who'd posted almost the same as you, but without the caveat you added).

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