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AIBU?

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Original poster

BEGGING for some reinsurance!!PLEASE

109 replies

RalphLaurenLover · 22/02/2014 17:58

So you all know my 'mother' and I have a strained relationship. Today it all blew up she was suppose to see my son tomorrow 11-12 but wanted it moved to today as she was 'busy' for what turns out she isn't going to be.

I told her to leave my home as she was distressing my son and she wasn't worth the argument. She refused after 5 minutes she told me she was going to take me to court because she didn't want to see me any more only my son (I've been offering her contact as she NEVER asks to which she is always 10 minutes late at least)

She then told me she's going to call her friends in Mental Health (she works for the NHS) and have them contact Social Services to get my son taken off of me and given to her (she works from 8-8, goes to the gym 4 times a week then to some married man's house where she stays)

She's said she's already got people to look into me at Social Services and they're things on my file and with her word I'll loose my son for sure.

How do I stop her from seeing my son she is Toxic and I'm not prepared to put up with her any more. If there were things on file with me with SS wouldn't I know about it? Had visitors etc? because I haven't had any.

Majourly pissed

OP posts:
Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/02/2014 18:58

I have just spoken to the police and they've advised me what I already knew and your claims upon mental health team people you work for and investigating social service reports upon myself and false and I'm to make a complaint to PALS about you.

I want My sons things back ASAP mainly his car that I brought him.

I do not want any contact from you until you are stable. Do NOT contact me, ring me, text, come to my home again.

Is that okay?

OP posts:
Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/02/2014 18:59

MrsDeVere she was refusing to leave my house and it was distressing my son

OP posts:
Famzilla · 22/02/2014 19:01

Oh OP I'm so sorry your mother is like this, she sounds just like mine. Even down to the threatening to remove my furniture, clothes etc whenever she got angry with me.

I cut her off when DD was 3mo and she tried every trick in the book to maintain contact with my daughter. She almost managed to guilt me into giving her access, almost. Is there anyone in RL you can rely on for emotional support? Even just to witness everything she says to you. It really helpede to show my friends the abusive messages etc so when my mum tried to gaslight me (making out that I had a warped perception of reality and "it didn't happen like that") I had other people to remind me that actually, it did and it was wrong.

Stay strong, she can't take your son away. You would know if SS were concerned. She's just doing the standard narcissistic mother thing of scaring you into compliance.

I read a great book called "you're not crazy, your mother is" which really helped me. I'll happily send it to up if you like, or it's pretty cheap on amazon.

Pheonixisrising · 22/02/2014 19:07

ta for that Smile

I wouldn't say I was reporting her , that will just drag it all out

just tell her you have spoken to the police and you wish to have no contact with her - end of

MrsDeVere · 22/02/2014 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pipbin · 22/02/2014 19:11

Have you had any contact with SS? Might it be worth contacting them and telling them about the situation? That way they can offer you support.
I have only ever been involved in SS from the outside as it were but I know that they don't take children away from a parent without a damn good reason, and even then it takes a long time unless they are in immediate danger.

It's good the police are being so supportive.

MaryWestmacott · 22/02/2014 19:14

Can you afford to just lose those things of your ds? It is just giving her another occasion /reason to contact you. But other than that, good, cut contact and make that complaint.

thenightsky · 22/02/2014 19:14

I work in the NHS. I've witnessed a similar situation. Mother worked as a secretary. Daughter was seeing a psychiatrist. Mother logged into computer and checked her daughter's appointment date so she could turn up and attend with her. Daughter complained that mother had accessed her IT records and mother was sacked after an investigation.

OP, they can track whoever has accessed your records. You've got her over a barrel and can threaten to get her investigated and sacked if you so wish.

HettiePetal · 22/02/2014 19:25

Ralph - when I was very young and very silly I had a temp job working with NHS dental records. I looked up my boyfriend's notes "for a laugh". I was instantly (and rightly) dismissed.

Like I said, she is full of shit - and if she's not, then she's going to be finding herself standing outside her office with a cardboard box of her belongings.

Your little boy's toddler years are precious and wonderful She's spoiling it for you.

Good luck.

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/02/2014 19:26

She knows I would report her and was stupid her saying things true or false!

She forgets I'm not under her control anymore

OP posts:
FlockOfTwats · 22/02/2014 20:34

Tell her the next time she makes those claims you are reporting her.

A woman i know did this to a friend and she was sacked for it. its highly illegal.

FlockOfTwats · 22/02/2014 20:36

Oh and i had very little contact with my grandma because she's a twat and believe me, it did me no harm. I realised why i hardly saw her when i was 12 but i remember bad behaviour from her much earlier than that - from around 4yo.

Your child wont hold it against you. I am thankful i wasn't forced to spend time with the vile cow.

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 22/02/2014 20:38

Thanks everyone Thanks

OP posts:
frogslegs35 · 22/02/2014 21:39

That sounds ok op, you'll feel much better once you take control.
You're brave and strong and can do this.

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 23/02/2014 10:49

She just asked to take my son to hers for an hour and I said no.

She saw him yesterday because she was 'busy' today when she was meant to see him

OP posts:
Hissy · 23/02/2014 10:56

If she contacts you again, inform her that you won't associate with those that make threats against you and your family.

Then go NC. Enough IS enough

MaryWestmacott · 23/02/2014 10:58

How does she contact you, is it call or text/email? If it's text or e-mail I'd either not reply at all or just reply one word answer of "no" - she will not be benefiting your DS so you'd be better off cutting contact between him and her until she's proved to you she's able to act in a non-twatty way (so that'll be the 12th of never by the sound of it). Don't expose your DS to this, it might benefit your Mum to see your DS, but it won't be benefiting your DS and he is the one you should be proritising, not her.

frogslegs35 · 23/02/2014 11:00

Well done!
Today is the first day of you taking control.

bluntasabullet · 23/02/2014 11:13

I would send her a message something along the lines of:

"I have today sought advice from the police about your threats and behaviour. I do not want any contact from you, and am asking that you cease to to contact me or my son. Any further contact from yourself will be recorded and passed onto the police"

You should definitely report her to PALS but you shouldn't warn her that you are going to report her to PALS.

Phone SS' and explain the situation. If there is anything on your record they will be able to tell you and they will also be able to put a note on your record about the threats and allegations. Follow up this phone call to SS' with a letter and ask for a written response, keep this letter!

Most importantly. After you have sent the message, no matter what she says, or what she does. Do not reply! Not even to say go away. If you continue to argue with her, you are seen as voluntarily entering into a conversation with her.

If she comes to your house, phone the police.

Each time she contacts you, contact the police on 101 and get it logged.

Just because she is biologically your mother, it doesn't mean you have to love or even like her. You shouldn't feel bad about wanting to cut her off. It will feel really difficult, and you will have conflicting feelings and emotions. But you have to do what is best for you, and your son.

All the best.

maddening · 23/02/2014 11:21

how old is your son?

LEMmingaround · 23/02/2014 11:28

oh this resonates with me - please just go no contact with the vile bitch, she sounds like my mother and my mother is still making my life hell - to the detriment of my mental health. I am now stuck "caring" for her and i am at breaking point - my family are suffering as a consequence - your DS does not need this sort of shite in his life - i wish i was as brave as you are.

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 23/02/2014 12:34

My son will be 2 in April.

She replied with " Ok -your decision you' need to explain to him why"

I said "You don't get to threaten me with Social Services and mental health teams and to have him taken off me and placed with you. I spoke to the police yesterday and they confirmed it's illegal for you to get people to look into social services files and If I make a complaint to PALS you can get fired

I want my son's stuff back and don't contact me again"

To which she said "what stuff, All the stuff I paid for you mean, also I never said any of that you need to listen instead of flying of the handle & wanting your own way all the time..

However your choice,, You've requested not to be contact, I as always will respect your wishes didn't leave my house when I told you too Regarding to seeing your son I will go through the official channels.

You can pick his stuff up before 2"

My friend is picking his stuff up because I know she was wanting me to pick it up as I'd bring my son.

She's not happy that I've gotten control but she keeps saying You'll need me before I need you, Remember that

OP posts:
CantUnderstandNewtonsTheory · 23/02/2014 12:39

Well done! From now on you would do best to ignore her, she seems to love the drama and feed off your reaction.

Original poster
RalphLaurenLover · 23/02/2014 12:50

thank you!

She forgets she needs me so she can see my son

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 23/02/2014 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.