To be offended by being asked to explain why I didn't change my name when I got married

[takingnoprisoners]

In order to do some voluntary work!!
I filled in all the forms and took in my passport and driving license to show them and told them then that I chose to keep my name when I got married. It was a part of my identity that I didn't want to change and as it turned out was the right decision as the marriage didn't last. We are not officially divorced so I am technically married. I am quite cross about being asked to explain this again, I really don't see what business it is of theirs.
I didn't realise I was being particularly radical by doing this, I guess I am more of a feminist than I knew!

Vulva I'm not divorced. I wanted to revert to my maiden name and consulted my solicitor who told me I could do a deed poll but actually didnt need to as you can call yourself whatever you want so long as its not for fraudulent reasons. She said the main thing was having 'proof' of who you are.

The first thing I did was change my name on my Passport, I had to write a covering note saying I was reverting to my maiden name and enclosing my Marriage Certificate that links the two names. I belive there is space on the Passport form for this. I then change bank accounts and other stuff, the Passport helped and it was relativly easy. I did get a few wnating to know why and lots of demanded my Decree Absolute etc..

Your actual name is the one on your birth/adoption certificate, its convention that woman usually change their name on marriage. People think its something you HAVE to do, but its not hence many people getting their knickers in atwist over it

Oh Thanks you Compas should of read your post first

Agree, whatever -- I've been Ms since I turned 18, and that was a loooooooong time ago.

Rightly or Wrongly I always use miss x (maiden name ) professionally and mrs y ( professionally ) without any issues

oh fgs OP man up

Sorry that should Ms Y personally (auto correct!!!)

,p

Mrs Y! Auto text!

DH actually phoned me from the GP's surgery when registering newborn DD1 and DD2 to ask whether he should register them as Miss or Ms .

If this is needed as part of a CRB, then YUBU. It is an entirely reasonable question to clarify your identity, and if you are using Mrs with your maiden name then it is confusing.

The purpose of CRB is to make sure the people applying are who they are saying they are and to ensure there are no relevant convictions or concerns.

I have friends from the States who think it is ridiculous that we have to use a title or computers say "no". They apparently don't have to do that.

It is true, we don't. But you have a lot more titles in the UK than we do (Lord, Lady, Sir, Dame, etc.); perhaps that has something to do with it.

I have to submit to a criminal background check for work. The forms ask for other names I have used, but do not ask for my title.

I didn't change my name when I married, and I use Ms. Ms. tends to be the default title for women in the US, especially in a professional setting. I can't think of any married women of my acquaintance who use Mrs., even if they took their husband's names.

I didn't change my name when I married, and I use Ms. Ms. tends to be the default title for women in the US, especially in a professional setting. I can't think of any married women of my acquaintance who use Mrs., even if they took their husband's names.

That seems sensible. I wish more women would do that here! Many women seem to think that "ms" is another version of "miss". A work colleague of mine was actually annoyed the other day because someone (who didn't know her) had used the title "ms". She felt that by not using "mrs" they had assumed she wasn't married!

I bet it's the CRB thing. Their computer flat out will not accept that you can be Ms and still have your original surname.

Actually, I had a DBS (formerly CRB) check completed last year. I used Ms as title, have never changed my name (and anyway am not married) and my completed check form was sorted very quickly. At no point have I been asked if I'm actually married because I use Ms.

Thank goodness -- they must have fixed it, then. Back in the CRB days it was an ongoing problem (see exasperated MN threads passim ). Although, come to think of it, it may have been the Ms/original surname/married combo that it rejected rather than just Ms/original surname. We need one of those to report back on the DBS experience .

It really wouldn't surprise me if it was a bloke not thinking properly who set up such a messy system.

But, as more and more women realise and choose not to change names and to use a general title like "Ms" then the system needs updating to reflect these changes.

Even if DP and I ever get married (and after 27 years I don't think it'll happen ) I'm not changing my name. The sheer hassle of changing addresses on everything when we moved was bad enough.