AIBU to ask if you let your DH/DP go into your handbag?

[dalziel1]

Or is it your private space?

No. No going in my bag unless dire emergency (eg I'm on life support machine)...hand over bag and I will find what you need. Same as keeping bathroom door locked, not opening my post, not looking at my emails, not looking at messages on my phone.

Been together 27 years, share all money (all accounts joint) etc but I draw the line at rooting through my bag! I wouldn't look through his phone, emails, wallet, work bag, or go in whilst he's in the bathroom.

There must be some boundaries surely !

My DP learned his lesson when he looked in the wrong zip pocket for change and came across multiple lady products

I also find it rude, it's my bag - I don't rifle through his wallet when he's not around, but if the other needs change/a loyalty card etc. we both just say "sure, it's in so-so and so bit of the bag".

I also have a habit of 'losing' keys and phones that are in the bag (even small ones, once we spent an hour looking for a key on a beach that ended up being in a small 'secret pocket even I didn't know about ) so he often has a second check for me.

Aelfrith

Have never got the 'open door bathroom' thing :/

To those who ask 'why' i don't even like the phrase 'you have now become an item'. We are not an item, we are two seperate persons. And with the kids, 5
A team yes.
But you can be married and still have your own bag, hotmail, drawer. That's how i like it.
I honestly didnt know i am such minority. I thought the thread will ne 50:50.
,

Ah ok now i read the last couple of posts and it seems i am not totally on my own! Feeling better now.

No, there's nothing in there that I wouldn't want him to see, I'd just prefer him not to go through it. And he'd ask if there was anything he wanted anyway. I'm not sure why I feel so strongly, maybe because I'm an introvert and have to share living space, it's my one private space iyswim.

It's like people who say "we have no secrets from each other"
And the people who say that if somebody asks them to keep a confidence, they don't think they have to keep it from their partner.

No.i wouldn't like it.and I wouldn't go in his wallet
Can't think of why he'd be looking in bag?sudden insurmountable urge for lip balm

Yes he does, as do my friends and colleagues. I have no bombs or plans for world domination in there.

Why is it sad that your handbag is a private space? If you live with someone, presumably all living spaces are shared and therefore not private? So, my phone, handbag and laptop are private. I don't have anything to hide, just don't see why I shouldn't have some space that's mine.

My finances are separate,my email is private,my dp has no business knowing these things
Because I live with someone doesn't mean I must share,or reveal facets of myself
I abhorr this notion of couple = share everything about each other

Im always telling OH to get something out of my bag, he never does though and always brings it to me. Says its my bag and only i should be allowed in it! Bizarre.

Why is it bizarre that he respects your privacy

Dh will go in my personal handbag but usually asks if what hes looking for is in there before adventuring in.

My work bag absolutely not. For confidentiality reasons (although everything is in code/anonymous)

He doesn't but I wouldn't mind if he did, it's just another space. I'm sure the only reason he doesn't is that he'd never find anything. We have separate email and don't read each others (but both are always open on the computer) and don't open each others mail, I suppose we have places that contain my stuff and places with his, but none of it's totally off limits.

I have personal bag,he doesn't go in it
Work bag absolutely not,has work related material
I wouldn't go into his wallet or workbag

I'll tell him if he's allowed to fish something out of it and I'll also ask permission to get something out of his wallet.

Nothing to hide, but it's only good manners.

It's not about hiding,it simply due snot belong to him
Being in relationship doesn't give unfettered access to my bags,phone,iPad etc

It's not a big deal to me, it's just good manners. We check with each other before borrowing stuff as well, an knock on bedroom doors.
I'm not particularly territorial, but I do like courtesy.

Also find it a bit bizarre that a grown man in a relationship would have any problem with finding "lady products". They're just bits of absorbent fluff and textile, ffs.

We don't know each other passwords.seperate finances.my business isn't his business

Yes,how bizarre adult man was mortified at finding lady products
-sanitary items

He can empty it out and go through it bit-by-bit if he wants, I have nothing to hide. Same with his wallet.

He doesn't though... it weirds him out :P

Surely there's a difference between something being private, which suggests there are things in there that are for your only, and the simple common courtesy of asking before you take something?

I'm still very confused by this.

I agree it's a bit rude for your OH to just rummage in your bag, but if DP did because he needed some money urgently and I wasn't there (as an example) that's not rude, he's not stumbled across anything private. Same way that I'd go through his coat pockets for a tenner if I needed it urgently, but 9 times out of 10 would ask him first.

I often ask him to get something for me from it, & I often get things from his wallet. Certainly wouldn't worry me if he did rifle around in it, though he never would