Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off dh is going on a holiday of a lifetime without me and dc?

126 replies

RedPencilPot · 18/02/2014 20:01

Right I prob ABU but I'm really fed up about this!

It's a very special interest holiday, one that I would never want to go on but I'm fed up that dh is getting a holiday this year and ds and I will go nowhere!

I'm back at work full time after having ds and come the summer(I'm a teacher) I will be exhausted, but due to finances we aren't able to afford a holiday for the family.

My poor dh has saved for this for ages and now the time has come I want to be happy for him and pleased he is going but tbh I just feel a bit envious.

He will be away for 10 days. I guess it's not even so much that he is going but the fact it is for so long and I'll not even get a wet weekend in a caravan! Grin

Needless to say he thinks I'm being v u and I can't talk too much about it as I really don't want to spoil it for him.

OP posts:
Funnyfoot · 18/02/2014 20:19

YANBU for being upset that it is 10 days.

YABU for now not wanting him to go. Like you said he has saved for ages. You knew about it.

In regards to posters who dispute that he has "saved" family money/where are your saving etc.
My DH has spending money as do I and what we do with it is up to us. So if my DH decided to save for something he would not be taking money from the family. I would not moan if I had no savings as that would be my fault for not being frugal.

TheGreatHunt · 18/02/2014 20:20

But why the hell does he have his own money which means his own child misses out?

The selfishness astounds me. You are not a bitch and he is not a single man.

Megrim · 18/02/2014 20:21

Yes and no?

If he works hard, has saved up and it's something he loves doing then he deserves it.

That doesn't mean you're being unreasonable to feel cheesed off that you'll be staying at home.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 18/02/2014 20:22

God I'm absolutely desperate to know what this holiday is? Blush

If he asked for money instead of gifts, and gave up treats etc then it is ABU to be mean.

I feel a bit sad that you can't have any holiday though op.

I am hoping to spend some time with DS as I'm not working in the Summer, I've looked at some Premier inns and they are £29 a night in some seaside towns. Couldn't you have a short midweek break at least?

HappyMummyOfOne · 18/02/2014 20:22

If he has saved for it himself and had money especially towards it from parents etc instead of presents then YABU.

If you dont like the activity, then should he not get to do it alone?

MisForMumNotMaid · 18/02/2014 20:22

I used to think I couldn't do things on my own, especially with young DC. My XH suddenly left and I discovered I could or life stopped, not only that I enjoyed it.

My first big outing was with the DC to Blackpool to see the illuminations. We stayed at the Imperial Hotel on the front. It was once a grand old lady and sill has lovely turny doors, grand entrance and dining room. They had a deal that children stay and eat for free. I booked a late rooms single plus the two DC and we were upgraded due to their policy to a big family room.

Is it fear of being on your own that stops you wanting to book something just you? If so do you think you have a friend who might enjoy a mums and kids weekend somewhere?

Caitlin17 · 18/02/2014 20:22

Why is it OP's money too?

Helpyourself · 18/02/2014 20:23

I think I know where you're coming from OP.
DH &Ds are away at the moment skiing. I'm a bit jealous, a bit missing them, a bit ffs- left home without the car again Hmm
Bit I wouldn't not want them to go, and its ok to moan about it.

paxtecum · 18/02/2014 20:23

WoowooOwl: that works both ways: if you love someone you'd want them to have a holiday too and not swan off of your own to enhance your own life.

Sorry op, I'm not inferring that your DH doesn't love you, but just putting in a counter arguement.

I don't think YABU.

MerylStrop · 18/02/2014 20:24

10 days is a long time to be left alone with a young baby, even if you are off work. Was the trip planned before you got pregnant? Can you go to stay with friends or family/have them over?

I think the budget for the holiday needs to include enough budget to ensure that you have enough money to have a nice time and a few treats whilst you are away

Can he not go for 7 days and use the money (and annual leave) he saves for a family trip?

TheGreatHunt · 18/02/2014 20:25

In our family set up, all money goes into one pot particularly important as finances are tight. The idea of the DCs missing out because one of us has a luxury item would be unheard if even if it was "our money".

thecatfromjapan · 18/02/2014 20:26

I'd just add that you have my sympathy. My dh did a lot of holidays- without-me. His parents would fund h to go on holiday with them and off he would go - leaving me with the children. It used to really piss me off. But I do think it's ok if you both get a chance to do these things.

Writerwannabe83 · 18/02/2014 20:28

Me and DH haven't had a holiday in 2 years because we can't afford it but courtesy of his job (school trips abroad) within the last 12 months he has spent a week in Disneyland Paris, is currently away skiing in Austria and is also going to Spain for a week in October. I know it's his job so completely separate from our financial situation but I'm secretly very jealous....

I feel for you OP - it's a pretty crappy situation.

mercibucket · 18/02/2014 20:28

dh wouldnt have been going anywhere for 10 days while my kids were young, whether he paid for it himself or not! (unless it was for work)

littlebluedog12 · 18/02/2014 20:28

I can understand how you feel, but it sounds like you agreed to it and it is something he really wants to do.

I would grin and bear it, be supportive, but start making plans together now for a lovely family holiday of YOUR choice next summer.

Helpyourself · 18/02/2014 20:28

birds sorry for your loss. You make a very good point.

Original poster
RedPencilPot · 18/02/2014 20:29

I definitely won't stop him going or spoil it for him by moaning. It means a lot to him to go.

I'm starting to think maybe I should go somewhere myself.
Worried I'd be lonely though!

OP posts:
BumpAndGrind · 18/02/2014 20:32

My dp wants to go on a woodturning Cruise. He wants me and the baby to go Hmm. I'd be so happy if he was willing to go alone but he isn't. Different strokes I suppose.

Original poster
RedPencilPot · 18/02/2014 20:32

I agreed to it before I knew how long it would be for.

I guess I'm worried about working full time and doing all the looking after of the baby.

I'm don't mean to sound lazy, please tell me if I do. Normally it's evenly split and I drop off hd picks baby up etc.

I don't see it as dc missing out on a holiday as he wouldn't really remember it!

OP posts:
Original poster
RedPencilPot · 18/02/2014 20:33

This trip cannot be put off. If he doesn't go now it won't happen again as it's to do with WW2 commemorations.

OP posts:
mercibucket · 18/02/2014 20:35

so what has your dh arranged for his childcare responsibilities?
has he not even mentioned to you how you are going to cope working ft and doi g childcare?
that would piss me right off

Loopytiles · 18/02/2014 20:35

OP lots of people here are saying yanbu, yet you keep emphasising how unreasonable you're being and how you mustn't spoil it for him.

Doesn't sound like he's given you the same consideration. Whatever the plan when he started saving, circumstances have changed, and the opportunity cost of him having the ten-day trip is that you get no holiday at all, and he has ten days less annual leave to spend with you, give you a break from childcare or whatever.

So he "saved up", was this out of his equal / fair share of disposable income? Did you have the same opportunity to save?

Asking people for cash for a holiday in leiu of gifts isn't laudable IMO.

mercibucket · 18/02/2014 20:36

cant you just tell him 10 days is unreasonable?

Yama · 18/02/2014 20:37

I wouldn't have much respect for someone as selfish as your dh. Going away for 10 days when his wife and child will be going nowhere? Nah, not for me.

mercibucket · 18/02/2014 20:38

get him to take the baby

evil laugh