To expect DH to put DC to bed?

[cheerfultrail]

I sometimes (rarely) work late. I mostly start the process of putting DD to bed - I suggest it; DH does her bath; I read the story. Usually at about 7.15-7.30.

DD has recently been ill (bad cold and temperature) but had been to nursery in the day. Therefore she was very tired and crotchety.

I got home at 7.30pm, fully expecting a bathed and pyjama-clad child.

No, DH was sitting on the sofa, unable to face the tantrum of telling DD to leave the ipad alone (I never let her on the ipad unless it is a special treat; on a long journey etc) and certainly not having done her bath etc.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to do this? He does work hard and is normally knackered at the end of a working day, but even so ...!

Ooh Blah what are you like!

DH and I take it in turns every night - one night he baths, I read, next night I bath, he reads. It's only fair, putting DD (4) to bed can be knackering. This is regardless of who's been at work. If one of us was working late the other would just do it.

It's pretty crap of your DH - but if it's a one off and he's usually fully involved, then I would leave it - we all have bad days.

Out of interest blah, how old are you? Such strange views. If my dad was still alive he would be 85 now and he gave up work to be a stay at home dad in the 70's to look after myself and my brother. Mum had a well paid job that she loved, dad didn't particularly enjoy his and he loved being with us.

When our DDs were tiny DH used to get into the bath with them .... what do you make of that then!!

oh dear blah spouting sexist outdated gender stereotypes again, it seems to be a hobby.

along with using the "only on mnet" line.

anyone would think they are trying to be goady.

op your dh shd have started the bedtime routine but does it have to be so fixed in stone timewise? the odd late night shouldnt matter tho i think not wanting to deal with the tantrum is a crap reason for not getting the bath/bed routine started.

Yes, blah< you are backtracking/avoiding answering questions about your original assertion that 'it's not a man's place' to bathe girls.

I think it's a mum's role to bath her kids whilst the dads are at work, do i need to repeat this again?

No, but what people are asking you to do is expand on/explain this assertion. In other words, engage with the debate properly rather than using phrases that shut down debate, for example 'that's the way it is'.

Also, part of the OP's point is that on this occasion, SHE was at work and her DH was at home with the child. Can you comment on that, in relation to your comment above in bold?

I'm going against the grain - he's at work all day, you should have all that malarky done - what with the SAHP thing, children are your job - that's the mantra on MN.

blimey have we got a link to a time warp on here...

and can you not read? OP WAS AT WORK, HER DH WAS AT HOME WITH THEIR DD!

Clearly the OP is VVU for daring to have a job at all. She should be happy with the lifestyle her DH is able to provide on one wage only, regardless of if that means they live in a squat because they cant afford to pay the rent without her income.

Blah the 50's called and said you are giving them a bad name, so can you shut up now please? :)

Yeah bogey how did the op even get out of the house in the first place. How did she walk down the street with that kitchen sink chained to her?

DarlingGrace, read the OP's posts properly.

Blah what a load of crap - which generation are you talking about anyway. FWIW, my grandad (sadly now deceased) used to talk about his grandad giving him a bath when he was a kid, and that was in about 1918...

OP, in your place (and both of us work full-time), I would definitely have expected DD to be ready for bed when I got home. DH and I both work late, and it just falls to whoever is home / not working at bed-time. Admittedly, DH quite enjoys giving the DCs a bath (and so do they, although it's not exactly the calm atmosphere I'd hope for just before bedtime... )

DarlingGrace, if those are her "job" conditions does she also get 4 weeks' holiday a year?

I generally think MN is pretty good at saying that SAHMs are responsible for childcare while the other partner is at work. After that, it's shared - same as if both parents were at work.

Anything else is really twattery by the working partner.

But she was at work all day too? Whoever is at home when things need doing, does them.

And blah needs to fuck off back under her 1950s rock. Dont forget to change your dress and put on lipstick before the man of the house gets home.

Hi all,

Can we please remember the talk guidelines when posting?

blah, we've sent you a mail, would be great if you could take a look.

Thanks

Ignore the derailer.

Back to the original question, I do get annoyed when I am late home from work and dh doesn't get on with bedtime/ move things forward in any way. For instance if I gt back late as you did. Say 7.30, and find dd fully clothed watching tv with dh. I call this "babysitting" in a derogatory way - I.e. not acting like a parent but like someone paid to keep an eye on the child til you get there.

But have to add - blah it does sound like you think men are potential sex offenders. My dh may have his lazy moments as above but he would be v offended to think he was not trusted to bath his child and rightly so!

My father bathed me as a child - he was not an abuser. My DH bathed with both our DDs when they were small (until one pooed in the bath ) he is not an abuser. As the mother of 2 daughters I find it truly offensive when people suggest that fathers cannot do physical caring for their small daughters without it becoming a potential abuse situation.

I don't normally comment on AIBU threads but absolutely at the notion from blah that bathing little girls is a mum's job only!!!! In the 1950s maybe, but even then I'm not sure - I think my grandad bathed both my mother & my uncle. I only have DSes & DH is usually not home for bathtime, but if he is, we take it in turns, as we would do if we had DDs. I know that my own father also bathed me & both my DSises & bathes my younger nieces (5.6 & 8 months).

My DSes (5 & 2) & Dniece (5) & Dnephew (6) (cousins) also have baths together in any combination - I suppose blah would also say this is wrong?

I am a SAHM but DH still does bath and bed because otherwise he'd barely see the DC on weekdays! He's gone 7-6, gets home, has dinner, plays with DC, does bath and bed (now that we have 2 DC it's more of a team effort so they're both asleep by 8), then collapses and reads or plays online chess. :)

OP if it was a one off I'd let it go, otherwise yanbu.

I remember my DF bathing, changing, etc me and that was in the early 80s.

OP I would feel the same way. Next time, tell him what you expect to happen when you work late. Obviously, in a nice way.

blah. hahaha. Muslim fathers don't bathe their daughters? Hahahaha. You're hilarious.

As someone who ended up hAving problems with bedtime partly because of this issue, I would say forget what is fair and stick to the routine whoever is in charge that night. If she has a bath every night make it the same time every night.