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AIBU?

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Original poster

to ask so what if people think that?

259 replies

pinkbluegreenyellow · 17/02/2014 07:59

Friend recently had a baby boy. Her DH goes on about how 'strong' he is, how big and tall, how much bigger than other baby boys he is. Fine. He is a big guy himself.

What irks is any suggestion that his son might, god forbid, appear 'girly' to others. For example, his son was gifted a t shirt that had a pink stripe in it. It's being given to charity as 'no son of mine wears pink. Don't want you being mistaken for a girl'. Friend's cousin allows her small ds to dress up in both cowboy and princess outfits and this is met with a sneer too.

Leaving aside the notion that pink is for girls, I want to shout so fucking what if people think he's a girl?? Like being a girl is weak and pathetic? I get that you might want people to assign the correct gender to your child but is there the same fear attached to people thinking your child might be a boy? As in , I can't dress her in blue, I don't want people to think she's a boy?

OP posts:
winterlace · 17/02/2014 13:37

Hazle - I buy clothing from the girls' section for DD because she is a girl Confused

It isn't a difficult concept.

Some clothing can and is worn by both genders but because toddlers tend to look similar we tend to have distinct colours to distinguish them.

If someone wants to dress their son in pink, OK. But I wouldn't do it to my son. It doesn't mean DH or myself have issues.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 17/02/2014 13:38

I dunno, my DSs had some nice Gap (boys') t-shirts last summer. Yes, boys and girls are different but it's wrong to tell your son he can't like pink or dolls or any other 'girls'' toys.

DebbieOfMaddox · 17/02/2014 13:38

Next time he does it, put a hand on his arm and say "Oh, it's so sweet that you feel insecure about that. It really shows your vulnerable side..."

MrsOakenshield · 17/02/2014 13:54

well, personally if DD came home and said 'Boy A was wearing a princess dress and we all laughed and told him he was dressed as a girl' I would be extremely angry for her being so mean, and would say so and explain why. I would like to think that teaching my child not to be a bigot on something so utterly harmless as what to wear was the more important lesson. Luckily, if such a thing happened, I can imagine the nursery staff being pretty unimpressed too.

I actually think that girls have the better options when it comes to clothes - for a start, no-one would dream of saying they couldn't wear trousers, and also at least they have all the colours of the rainbow to choose from, rather than the sludge that's on offer for boys - you have to make such an effort to find colourful boys' clothes.

KatnipEvergreen · 17/02/2014 13:57

I agree, OP. What are people teaching their kids if the worst thing they can think of is being a girl?

"Girlie" and "feminine" are not negative adjectives.

sonlypuppyfat · 17/02/2014 13:59

Boys with dolls make my teeth itch.

Ilovexmastime · 17/02/2014 14:01

Your friend's DH sounds either insecure or misogynistic to me. Why else would he care if people if people thought his baby was a girl? Why does he care about what other people think so much? And like you said, what exactly is wrong with being seen as girly? I was always a tomboy when I was growing up and there was never an issue about that.

I am also one of those who let their DS's choose to wear whatever they wanted to, and although this did not stretch to buying them dresses, they did occasionally go out in "girly" fancy dress outfits. To whose who are wondering why anyone would do this, and labeling it as weird and unpleasant, I can you tell you that I did because it's what they wanted to wear and as it wasn't going to kill them, I let them. They never, to my knowledge, got teased about it, and why would they? When you're 3 or 4 you don't know that pink is for girls and not boys... unless your parents have begun the brainwashing early, before TV can do it first, but luckily, where I live, people seem to be pretty open minded. If my DS's had come home upset because they had been teased I would have explained that there are people who think that pink is only for girls but that they are wrong and that we can all wear whatever colour we want, and that they should never let other people's opinions stop them from being themselves.

MrsCosmopilite · 17/02/2014 14:04

Dear God, I thought this was the 21st century not the dark ages. Why can't children be children? Who does it hurt that they wear what they want?

HazleNutt · 17/02/2014 14:10

Well, where will it end. First you buy your DS a yellow t-shirt from girls' section, next you decide to ignore the labels in toy shops and get him something only women use, like oven. And what's next?
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TitsalinaBumSquash · 17/02/2014 14:10

Jesus Christ there is some small minded people on this thread!

Fwiw, my DS wears gender neutral clothes. Today he's in black and white stripes leggins, a red long sleeve t-shirt and a plain light grey cardigan. I would dress a boy and a girl in this.

He has a pink telephone toy, he has cars, he has a multicoloured doll type thing.

As for boys pushing push chairs, what are you afraid of? That's he's going to grow up to be a father?! For fuck sake, men push pushchairs all the time! They have bags for stuff, just because they're not called handbags, they're are still bags. They wear 'skirts' but they call them kilts. They can wear what ever fucking colour they like as can girls and people should stop being such bloody puppets and learn to accept it.

I'm not sure why it's even a topic of conversation these days.

5madthings · 17/02/2014 14:14

god i am glad i dont live near some of you.

wtf is wrong with a four yr old wearing a fancy dress?!! at the pre-school my dd goes to lots of the little boys dress up in fairy outfits etc. they have a big dressing up rail and they wear what they want.

its not uncommon for some boys to wear fairy or princess dresses at dress up days at school. my own ds3 did a few times. he is nine now and has pretty much got too big for the fairy dresses we have but will squeeze one on occasionally when playing with his younger siblings.

its dress up and play, make believe, they are having fun.

i am pleased to raise children who dont bully or pick on others and would be ashamed if my children did that. thankfully our friends and parents at school think the same.

its the attitude of parents on here that cause problems and let bullying continue.

thankfully campaigns such as lettoysbetoys are starting to help with the change of attitude.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 17/02/2014 14:15

Oh and for this saying a boy should dress up as a princess for fancy dress, would you feel the same about a girl dressing as a knight?

As for raising a bunch of pansies?! I'm wondering what generation you grew up in!? I feel sorry for your children. Are you going to high five your son when he starts being lecherous to women because it's 'the manly thing to do?' Are you going to make him feel like shit if he isn't into football? Or maybe you'll stick to ridiculing your daughter if she isn't squealing over high heels and make up when she's older.. Angry

5madthings · 17/02/2014 14:16

my dd is wearing jeans and a dinosaur top today, and boys lightning mcqueen boxer short style pants. she is still a girl, the other day she dressed up as a dinosaur and had a tutu on over the top...what with her being three she can be quite eclectic inher clothing style.

Kerosene · 17/02/2014 14:25

Boys with dolls make my teeth itch.

But action figures are ok? Hmm

MrsCosmopilite · 17/02/2014 14:26

I once told a tutting woman that I had dressed my daughter in blue because I wanted her to grow up to be a lesbian. I did this out of pure frustration at the stupid concept that pink and dolls and glitter are for girls and blue and trucks and mud are for boys.

Joysmum · 17/02/2014 14:26

I think many if those who have posted are completely missing the point!

Of course YOU don't care that your sons like pink or play with dolls...etc

The point is, this isn't about YOU, it's about the child. You already have your own self confidence but your children may or may not have.

So whilst it is wrong to gender discriminate, in real life it's ride and in many cases it's nasty. It wouldn't surprise me if the father in this case has been the victim if this himself and wanting to save his son from that by trying to reduce the catalyst for teasing/bullying. Of course this may not be the case and he may be prejudiced himself, none of us know.

Whereisegg · 17/02/2014 14:31

LadyMariner, I painted ds's toenails because he had watched me paint mine, then his sisters after she asked me to do hers, and he wanted his done too.

I didn't realise it would be so controversial.
They're children, not just boys or girls.

I wouldn't much care if he asked now at age 7 tbh.

5madthings · 17/02/2014 14:33

The point is children get these attirudes from their parents!

My children have not had a problem with expressing themselves and have likeminded friends and go to a school that doesnt tolerate bullying.

By telling children they have to fit in (even if not explicitly) you are reinforcing these stereotypes and perpetuating the problem.

Why the assumption that a fpur yr olf would get bullied orucked on for wearing a fairy dress, where the fuck do you all live that that would happen?!

5madthings · 17/02/2014 14:34

whereisegg my boys all had their toe nails painted for the same reason, ds3 and ds4 still like to paint yheir toe nails and wear those fake tattoos and face paints etc, its dress up and its fun.

sonlypuppyfat · 17/02/2014 14:37

Yes action figures are fine. I just feel that no value is placed on manly values.

MrsCosmopilite · 17/02/2014 14:41

On a lighter note, I've noticed far less bullying amongst the younger generation than when I was at school about a hundred years ago

My nieces and nephews are perfectly ok with boys having painted toenails or girls having cropped hair/skinheads, or, even with their friends thinking that they may be gay. N&N's range from 4-25.

HazleNutt · 17/02/2014 14:43

It's not manly for a father to take care of his baby?

Whereisegg · 17/02/2014 14:43

5madthings, fancy a meet up and a 'mince' about town with our controversial dc? Wink

Whereisegg · 17/02/2014 14:44

Ooooo I want to know what a manly value is?!

5madthings · 17/02/2014 14:46

One of my 'contraversial dc' is currently a puking monster but once he is well i am up for a mooch around town :)

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