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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really worried there's something more sinister to this? Feel like I've failed DD

297 replies

karenaanna · 17/02/2014 05:12

This could be long, sorry. Have NCed. Not sure this is the right place to post but more traffic and want to know if I'm worrying over nothing.

A bit of background- DD is almost 18 and is yet to start her period. I took her to the GP when she was 14 as I was concerned she wasn't showing any real signs of starting to hit puberty and they put it down to she being small for her age combined with the amount of intense exercise she does- at the time she was doing 20ish hours of semi-professional dance school a week and was planning on a dance career, she's now doing 18 hours but no longer wants to dance professionally, although she's still dancing at the same intensity. To this day she's never really had typical teenage mood swings.

Over the last few weeks, since the new year maybe she's put on a lot of weight, she's always been tiny, very ballerina esque and it's almost like she's suddenly gone into the pre puberty baby fat stage but at 17. Her level of physical activity and diet haven't changed. She hasn't said anything but is clearly aware. She's meant to be at a half term dance intensive this week starting today but came and woke me up in the middle of the night- which she hasn't done since she was about 6- in tears with what she described as stomach ache 'down there' (potential sign period is about to start?) and begged me not to make her go today. I sent her back to bed with neurofen and a hot water bottle and told her she'd probably feel better in the morning, but I'm getting an overwhelming vibe from her she doesn't want to go.

She hasn't been herself for the last few weeks, she's last year of Sixth form, so applications for further education. She's had offers from all of her chosen universities back but was inconsolable last week as she's also been rejected from all of the specialist drama schools she applied for- the Ucas application was for another subject and intended as a back up as the specialist drama schools are so competitive. When she sent off the applications she was intending to take up the university place if she didn't get a drama school place, but now it's actually happened she's decided she doesn't want to go to university and wants to reapply for drama school next year. She's at an academic school and so not getting any offers for a chosen course is very unusual, I don't think it's been easy for her seeing all her friends getting excited about university and place offers knowing she's going to be reapplying next year. She's been really low and unhappy since then, again she hasn't said as much, but she clearly hasn't been happy.

Since January she's had fainting episodes/dizzy/temporary lost vision spells, and episodes of what DD describes as severe pins and needles, she's had it a few times in dance classes and had to sit out because she can't physically put weight on her leg. Her dance teacher put it down to stress, I'm starting to wonder if it's all somehow connected and I should have pushed harder for a proper examination before. Do I take her to the walk in centre or is that overreacting?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 17/02/2014 14:23

Yes good luck. Vision problems are not a normal reaction to stress I dont think. Migraine or extreme tiredness maybe.

MrsKent · 17/02/2014 14:24

Lots of good ideas here. Lack of periods by 18 grants a test to check hormones. Increased weight recently together with previous picture might be hypothiroidism ? Would also cause tiredness and mild depressive symptoms, maybe ties in with not wanting lessons? Just another idea.

karenaanna · 17/02/2014 14:37

Extreme tiredness is a possibility- again, she's doing too much at the moment really. With the not wanting to go to dancing I do wonder if it's down to not wanting to be in a room of girls who are almost all going to go on to dance professionally when she's clearly struggling with body image at the moment- going to have to try and work out how to handle that one.

I will be asking for a hormone check.

OP posts:
Cuddlydragon · 17/02/2014 14:44

OP you sound like a great mum, and I hope your GP is helpful. Can I second what someone said up thread about maybe writing down the symptoms. I know you're worried about talking about her weight might affect her body image, but I'd hate to think that stopped you both giving your GP all the symptoms. Good luck.

Devilforasideboard · 17/02/2014 15:07

Migraine definitely a possibility especially if she's having hormonal changes. Hope it all works out for her.

WheresMrMonkey · 17/02/2014 15:20

Goodluck at the gp

UptheChimney · 17/02/2014 16:09

Just popping in to say Good Luck. Hope you & your DD find a way through this. She sounds terrific.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 17/02/2014 16:24

PCOS = polycystic ovary syndrome.

That's what I think too OP, my period was 19. I couldn't walk, couldn't get out of bed the entire time. Weight gain round the stomach all a possibility too. Ovarian cycts can cause the belly to look distended too

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 17/02/2014 16:27

*my first period

Stockhausen · 17/02/2014 16:31

Hope the GP is helpful & she feels better soon Thanks

karenaanna · 17/02/2014 17:52

Right well I'm not sure we're really any further forward than she's definitely not pregnant, and we knew that already Hmm GP says there are a few things that are worrying her but equally could all be signs of her period about to start because of the pain she had last night, weight gain could be down to puberty etc. She's prescribed DD mefenamic acid which is meant to help with bad period pain apparently and wants us to come back if it doesn't settle down and she doesn't get her period in a few days and she'll refer her to a gynaecologist and investigate her hormone levels. The more I think about it now the more I'm kicking myself for not pushing harder for an immediate referral.

OP posts:
landrover · 17/02/2014 17:59

Well done karen, maybe an immediate referral would have been a good idea, but you are only talking about waiting a few days, I would certainly however make sure that you do not leave it any longer xxx Keep us up to date xx

Pollyputthekettle · 17/02/2014 18:06

YANBU to be concerned. I would encourage her to go the GP /Walk in centre today if the pain continues or to the regular doctor if they subside.

Please don't take any notice of the 'doctors' on here giving their opinions on possible diagnosis. However well intentioned, the internet is not the place to get a diagnosis and the people giving them on here are most likely about as medically qualified as my cat.

To those who want to to suggest a possible diagnosis - think before you post. Some of the conditions mentioned here have huge implications - have some sensitivity!

karenaanna · 17/02/2014 18:42

She's put on 19lbs since right before Christmas so she's still in the healthy BMI range for her height, but 19lbs in six weeks seems massive to me and she's only 5''1. The best way to describe it is the baby fat phase before puberty hits, she's always been very petite but suddenly is carrying a lot of weight on her belly, I hadn't seen her not in baggy tops for a while and was a bit shocked. It looks like she's been scratching herself, I haven't plucked up the courage to bring that one up yet. The GP was worried when she examined her that her belly is very swollen but didn't want to say it's not period related at this point so again bring her back if it gets any worse. She's been upset since we got back and has turned down an offer to go round to her friend's this evening and is up in her room :( No further dizziness/vision issues after this afternoon although she's already said she doesn't want to dance tomorrow. Not sure what to do really. I do feel I let her down not pushing for a referral there and then.

OP posts:
PastaandCheese · 17/02/2014 18:43

I agree with landrover you've only got to wait a few days for a referral and it makes sense to see if it is her period starting?

How is she tonight? Does she have any other symptoms that could be related to a period such as sore boobs or spots?

saintlyjimjams · 17/02/2014 18:45

Could you ring & try & talk to the GP ( rather depends on the surgery) & say that having gone home you're actually really concerned & could you do the referral now.

pixiepotter · 17/02/2014 18:50

My first thought is that she has been taking something to keep her weight down and periods at bay

5madthings · 17/02/2014 18:52

19lb in 6 wksis alot, as her tummy is swolen and she has ther ssues, such as dizxiness and fainting etc I would want a referral.

Is her tummy painful to touch?

Any tummy problems such as constipation etc that may be making her bloated?

PastaandCheese · 17/02/2014 18:57

Cross post karanaanna 19lb is a lot....

You haven't let her down. You've ensured she is in the system which is really important and you obviously care really deeply for her.

Either speak to GP as saintly suggests or book an appointment tomorrow for Thursday so at least it is all booked in ready?

karenaanna · 17/02/2014 19:46

No other symptoms to suggest it's her period. She's barely eaten anything this evening, I can't get an answer as to whether it's because it hurts or because she doesn't want to eat because she feels fat. I don't think she'd realised how much weight she's put on numbers wise and understandably it's a big deal at this age :( Not sure whether to try and persuade her to dance tomorrow or not. DH is away this week which isn't helping.

5madthings she told the GP it was sore but that was then put down to it potentially being her period. I'm now feeling like a terrible mother because I hadn't even realised she was so bloated. No constipation, I'm going to try cutting wheat out of her diet and see if that makes a difference. My main worry at the moment is she just seems so unhappy.

Good suggestion pasta, I'll try and get her an appointment for Thursday first thing.

OP posts:
Musicaltheatremum · 17/02/2014 19:58

One thing to think of is a fairly rare condition of "imperforate hymen" where the periods have started but because the hymen doesn't have a hole in it the blood builds up in the vagina. Not sure if it causes abdominal bloating though. I have never seen it in 23 years of general practice so would need to google it again.

Musicaltheatremum · 17/02/2014 20:05

Just googled it and it can lead to abdominal swelling. Not sure if the GP looked at her in the vaginal area but would be worth another visit. It's a long shot but her BMI isn't too low for menstruation. Keep on it though and good luck with the drama schools. It's a tough life.

karenaanna · 17/02/2014 20:10

Musicaltheatremum that doesn't sound nice, is it easily treated? The GP didn't look at the vaginal area, no, she wanted to refer to a gynaecologist if her period doesn't come on in the next few days. Her BMI has gone from 18.7 to 23 in 6 weeks, it sounds a bit scary put like that really :(

OP posts:
Layl77 · 17/02/2014 20:16

One of my sisters had the same thing happen, it just sounds to me like she's hitting puberty all ova sudden. I'd try not to worry and wait for referral

YellowDinosaur · 17/02/2014 20:19

I was thinking the same as musicaltheatremum. It's rare but not ridiculously so (one of my friends had this).

I second the suggestion to book an appointment for this tomorrow, preferably with the same doctor. You can always cancel it if her period comes in the meantime
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