To be really worried there's something more sinister to this? Feel like I've failed DD

[karenaanna]

This could be long, sorry. Have NCed. Not sure this is the right place to post but more traffic and want to know if I'm worrying over nothing.

A bit of background- DD is almost 18 and is yet to start her period. I took her to the GP when she was 14 as I was concerned she wasn't showing any real signs of starting to hit puberty and they put it down to she being small for her age combined with the amount of intense exercise she does- at the time she was doing 20ish hours of semi-professional dance school a week and was planning on a dance career, she's now doing 18 hours but no longer wants to dance professionally, although she's still dancing at the same intensity. To this day she's never really had typical teenage mood swings.

Over the last few weeks, since the new year maybe she's put on a lot of weight, she's always been tiny, very ballerina esque and it's almost like she's suddenly gone into the pre puberty baby fat stage but at 17. Her level of physical activity and diet haven't changed. She hasn't said anything but is clearly aware. She's meant to be at a half term dance intensive this week starting today but came and woke me up in the middle of the night- which she hasn't done since she was about 6- in tears with what she described as stomach ache 'down there' (potential sign period is about to start?) and begged me not to make her go today. I sent her back to bed with neurofen and a hot water bottle and told her she'd probably feel better in the morning, but I'm getting an overwhelming vibe from her she doesn't want to go.

She hasn't been herself for the last few weeks, she's last year of Sixth form, so applications for further education. She's had offers from all of her chosen universities back but was inconsolable last week as she's also been rejected from all of the specialist drama schools she applied for- the Ucas application was for another subject and intended as a back up as the specialist drama schools are so competitive. When she sent off the applications she was intending to take up the university place if she didn't get a drama school place, but now it's actually happened she's decided she doesn't want to go to university and wants to reapply for drama school next year. She's at an academic school and so not getting any offers for a chosen course is very unusual, I don't think it's been easy for her seeing all her friends getting excited about university and place offers knowing she's going to be reapplying next year. She's been really low and unhappy since then, again she hasn't said as much, but she clearly hasn't been happy.

Since January she's had fainting episodes/dizzy/temporary lost vision spells, and episodes of what DD describes as severe pins and needles, she's had it a few times in dance classes and had to sit out because she can't physically put weight on her leg. Her dance teacher put it down to stress, I'm starting to wonder if it's all somehow connected and I should have pushed harder for a proper examination before. Do I take her to the walk in centre or is that overreacting?

i also recommend the feast website - a fantastic support forum for mothers

Please don't prejudge anything though. Before you go down the ED route, you need to rule out other medical issues.

OP I hope the appointment goes well, it sounds really tough for you and your dd. I agree with you that there could be a physiological cause for the weight gain and tiredness. I hope you get some answers and appropriate treatment soon.

Good luck with the appointment today. It does sound to me like she is underweight and pushing herself too hard.

As a veteran of Drama School applications, albeit 20 years ago, putting it off for a year could do her good. I went when I was 18 but I was applying for technical theatre rather than acting etc. It was a lot of travel, on my own. I still can't believe that I did it at 18, going to London and Manchester on my own and finding my own way about.

OP, it's fantastic that you're getting so much support and people are being so generous with their time to help you.

BUT.

There are so many different theories, diagnoses-by-internet, projections etc being thrown around here that it can't possibly be helpful. It's completely understandable that you might start grasping onto theories that are more palatable or easier to solve and that might take you down a rabbit hole that isn't helpful in the long run.

Best thing you could do is log off, go and give your daughter a big hug, tell her you love her more than ever and you are here to help her cope with whatever she is going through. She doesn't have to deal with anything alone, she can tell you as much or as little as she feels comfortable with but the more she can tell you, the more you can help. Then get your Mama Tiger head on with the GP and any specialists that may end up being involved. Maybe NC again and come back for some more generic support when you've got more of a diagnosis or handle on what's going on.

Very best of luck to you and your DD.

How is she doing OP?

GP appointment this morning was worse than useless, DD had another fainting episode right after so took her to A and E. Blood test has been done, also checked for coeliac disease, glucose levels, thyroid etc. Hospital thinks swelling is hormonal but need to wait for results. CAMHS referral has been suggested.

So sorry the GP was rubbish (many of them are!). Hopefully now that A and E are on the case you'll get somewhere. CAMHS can also be variable, particularly with young adults who can fall through the gap between teen and adult provision.
Continue what your doing and being pushy. Keep a note of every meeting and consultation so that you can keep track of everything as it can get overwhelming. Just be there for her. As someone who had a dreadful hormonal time as a teen, I'd just remind you that it's NOT your fault, she may say things she doesn't really mean (all teens do) but it doesn't mean you've let her down! You're doing really well for her at the moment and in years to come she'll be glad she had you fighting her corner! Hope you get some answers from the current lot of tests.

Grab the CAMHS referral with both hands.

fingers crossed you get some answers soon OP, sounds horrible and I think you did the right thing going to A&E!

I'm really sorry to hear that she's feeling worse, really hope the hospital get to the bottom of it quickly for you both. You're doing everything you can.

I had a weird un diagnosed thing at 17 that turned out to be glandular fever but I know how hard it was to get a diagnosis ( I lost weight and had fainting and dizziness etc). My mum had to fight tooth and nail to be taken seriously so make sure you badger the docs OP.

We will definitely be taking up the Camhs referral, the starching has gotten worse :( in all fairness the gp did suggest Camhs and a blood test to investigate the lack of periods, but she also told DD while her BMI was in the healthy range for her height she had a lot of abdominal fat and it was important to lose this as it's linked to health problems such as diabetes . Dd had mentioned at the start of the appointment how sudden the weight gain had been, how much dance she does etc. I would complain but luckily for the gp it's not my main priority at the moment.

Your poor Dd, I think 19lbs in 6 weeks is lot just for the start of puberty. I would make a list of all the possibilities and rule them out as they are being tested, there are so many things it could be, but I hope it gets sorted for her soon poor thing

Really cross that your GP was so shit but glad that you went to A&E. Hopefully you will start getting some answers.

The GP told your daughter it's important to lose the weight. Good grief.
indeed.

I'm so sorry your GP was so hopeless - at least you have for somewhere today which will put you on the right path to a diagnosis.

DoctorDonna - sweeping generalisations about GPs aren't all that useful. What do you base your evidence on?

Make a note of it, and complain when things have stabilised a bit. That's shitty from the GP.

That they're generalists - and so often something a little different will be missed. Also, they're pushed for time and so don't always have the time to listen. This creates problems.

The doesn't explain where your evidence that many of them are rubbish comes from DoctorDonna. What is your speciality? I wonder what your GP colleagues would think of your opinion?

Other things to consider...Does your dd have other indications that puberty is underway - change of body shape, body hair, etc? Or is it just the periods that haven't started yet?
Go back when I he blood tests come back, I would, and ask the doc what else it could be.

Another thing to tell the doctor is if your own periods started before the age of 15/16. These things can run in families. If yours started when you were 12, you could use that as a little leverage. Not that you should have to!

the doctor is wrong when she says your dd needs to lose the weight, as she is not taking into account your dds history. please do some research on recovery from restriction... your body puts the weight on your stomach first....this happens after restriction and its NORMAL your dds weight will balance out. the worst thing she could do now is try to lose weight when her eating is already up and down. sorry i know you are being given loads of conflicting advice, but think carefully before you take this doctors advice.

I'm not a Doctor - it's a character from Doctor Who. Sorry if I've caused offence but don't want to derail the discussion.
It's based on experience. And the knowledge that both general practice and Mental Health services are underfunded and overstretched.
I think the OP is doing a marvellous job and is going about everything in exactly the right way. I hope she gets answers soon.

Hope you get answers for your dd soon.

Up to 22lbs gained in 6 weeks as of her being weighed at the gp- and this is with hardly eating this week. it's scary. The only thing I can come up with in the GPs defence is when I took DD on Monday (different gp) her belly was massively bloated, so obviously something not right, no bloating at all so far today so it does look like "fat". Which it is, I'm not disputing that she's carrying a disproportionate amount of fat on her belly, my concern is that she's put on 22lbs in 6 weeks despite no changes to her diet/exercise levels. There's got to be something more going on.

No real change to her body shape until she started putting on weight, which is making me think it could be connected to puberty. My periods started at 13, no family history of delayed puberty. We mentioned at a and e, possibly why we finally got somewhere!

muser I really don't think she's recovering from long term restriction, she says the purging started a couple of weeks ago after the drama rejections and when she'd put on a noticeable amount of weight already, which fits with when I first started worrying about her- her dance teacher has said she started worrying something was wrong around that time too. I honestly don't think she's been anorexic in the past. The weight gain is all over but has always been disproportionately on her belly, I really don't think it's down to restriction. That said, as she's barely eating at the moment I'm certainly not going to encourage her to diet.