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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you should not bring a lunch box into a cafe

368 replies

Chocolateandcrisps · 15/02/2014 14:53

There is a lovely cafe in a church which we visit often. There is a little play area which my ds loves and reasonably priced lunches, cakes and a sandwich lunch deal for the kids.

Last week two people walked in with their kids, who were about 3 years old, ordered coffees for themselves and brought out a lunch box for the kids. They did not order cake, lunch etc for themselves - just coffee.

I have given my ds rice cakes, water from cup, snacks in cafes before but never taken out a lunch box.

Am I being unreasonable / judgy to think that you should not bring a lunch box into a cafe for your kids?

OP posts:
MrsMook · 16/02/2014 03:05

DS1 has various allergies including soya which writes off 95% of commercially made bread. In the early days I'd take toddler ready meals as I adjusted to what was appropriate for him to eat. Fortunately that children's classic, fish fingers and chips is a goer, but I tend to have to avoid places that don't seve hot food, as his allergy combination writes off most cold foods.

I was ecstatic when I found out he could eat a burger king children's burger. That's really diversified eating lunch in town!

hazeyjane · 16/02/2014 06:26

Saucy - every week, ds and I meet a friend whose ds is also disabled and also has his lunchbox (he has a less limited diet to ds, but doesn't chew) - so not that unusual to see 2 children who might have a very good reason.

The cafe we meet at is fine with the boys having lunch boxes, by the way!

Morgause · 16/02/2014 08:39

This thread accounts for the increasing number of "Only food bought on the premises can be consumed in this café" notices I've seen.

Café owners have a living to make and it's very unfair to take your own food and just buy a drink unless there are dietary concerns, in which case an explanation to the owner would be in order.

londonkiwi · 16/02/2014 08:42

I think as long as the adult is buying something it's fine to take your own food for the kids.

Morgause · 16/02/2014 08:46

I don't agree at all. Cafes are businesses, if they don't make money they can't pay the bills. Non-paying children take up space a paying adult could have.

Sparklingbrook · 16/02/2014 08:48

We really need a cafe owner to come onto the thread and put their point of view on this.
I still think as long as they are ok with it, and there aren't signs up then no harm done.

Lauratheexplora · 16/02/2014 08:53

Yanbu. It's only acceptable if the child has special dietary needs. If the child is eating out of a lunchbox the parent should buy lunch not just have a coffee.

HollyMiamiFLA · 16/02/2014 08:55

I think we've had one before. She made some good points.

I think a lot of it depends on the adult. If an adult is occupying a table for 2, is ordering food and a drink, then the child isn't going to make much difference. It's really hard to get food for children anyway that's not something and chips or full of wheat. A cafe that caters for more diets will always get my vote.

I think the cafe owner mentioned buggies as well. And parents mums who just have one coffee and chat for 2 hours.

Sparklingbrook · 16/02/2014 09:01

Maybe cafe owners have bigger bugbears than the sandwich box people then Holly? Sad Bet they see all sorts.

winterlace · 16/02/2014 09:09

Just a thought - but the children probably didn't have allergies.

They may have but I'd bet they didn't. I know a few people who do this and stick sandwiches in front of the kids while they eat - nothing wrong with the child, they just want to save money. I think it's appalling on both counts. And if I had a child with such severe allergies they couldn't eat anything provided by the cafe I would explain and ask first.

CouthyMow · 16/02/2014 10:55

Strangely, MacDonalds is the only eatery in my town that CAN cater for DS3! They do a Happy Meal with two burgers, no bun, and some chips. Because they have a dedicated burger grill and a dedicated chip fryer.

However, I don't want him to have Mac Donald's every time I'm out, it's not good for him!

CouthyMow · 16/02/2014 10:58

I actually HAVE proof of DS3's allergies, in case of a reaction they are in his medical bag, but only ONE of the cafés in my town will allow us to take a lunchbox in for him. Bloody annoying as it's also the most expensive!

CouthyMow · 16/02/2014 11:01

SaucyJack - I meet up in a cafe with a group of 4 other mums ALL of whose DC's have multiple life threatening allergies. They ALL need to take their own food.

Christ, we can't even buy their food in the shops, we have to order it online or import it from America, it's unlikely that a cafe can cater for any of them.

Should we not meet up in a cafe or anywhere over a mealtime ever, then, because all 5 DC's require a lunchbox filled with safe food?!

whois · 16/02/2014 11:07

If the adults are l ordering food and drinks, and drinks for the children AND the children have some kind of life threatening allergy AND you ask before cracking out the lunchbox... Then it's probably OK.

Any other situation and it's totally not on. Cafés are not there to provide you with a warm and comfortable place to park your bum for free.

People are so cheeky! Especially in the OPs case where the parents weren't even eating.

hazeyjane · 16/02/2014 11:36

I have never had a problem with it, sometimes I eat, sometimes I just have a coffee. I see many people sitting having just a coffee, so don't see what the difference is, if I am having a coffee and ds is having his lunch.

Morgause · 16/02/2014 12:06

But it's so damn rude - can't you see that?

winterlace · 16/02/2014 12:09

It is rude.

whois · 16/02/2014 12:12

But it's so damn rude - can't you see that?

People are so entitled! If it's lunchtime for your precious little pumpkin and you're not eating out then either take then home to eat or sit in the park! Cafés aren't there to provide you with a nice place to feed your DC food you've brought from home.

I am shocked that some of the posters think it's fine 'as long as there are no signs up'.

Caitlin17 · 16/02/2014 12:20

hazeyjane but you and others are treating cafes as something similar to a not for profit public place like a library or a community centre. You having a coffee and your child eating food you haven't purchased are taking up 2 seats for the price of £2 or so. Cafes are not public places, they are private businesses.

It might be fine at say 10 in the morning in the lull between breakfasts and lunch but it's really not fine in the busy hours.

That is the reason so many places do have notices about not bringing in your own food or minimum spend at certain times.

Caitlin17 · 16/02/2014 12:26

Couthy yes, possibly you should not all meet in a cafe at a normal meal time unless you are prepared to spend an acceptable minimum amount.

The situation you describe is 4 adults and at least 4 children but you're expecting the restaurant or cafe to provide accommodation for 8. If the restaurant is happy with that, then fine but just assuming you can or getting huffy if you're not allowed is out of order.

Caitlin17 · 16/02/2014 12:28

Couthy yes, possibly you should not all meet in a cafe at a normal meal time unless you are prepared to spend an acceptable minimum amount.

The situation you describe is 4 adults and at least 4 children but you're expecting the restaurant or cafe to provide accommodation for 8. If the restaurant is happy with that, then fine but just assuming you can or getting huffy if you're not allowed is out of order.

whois · 16/02/2014 12:30

Or maybe meet in one of your homes on a rotating basis. It's not a human right to sit in a cafe.

hazeyjane · 16/02/2014 12:40

As I said earlier, I always ask if it is ok. We go to a cafe maybe once a week, and it has never been a problem. If it was just me sitting in the cafe, I would be sitting on the same table as I would if ds is there (ie a table for 2), and I would still be having a coffee and maybe something to eat. If I am meeting a friend for coffee, at say 11, and I have ds with me, then I will give ds his lunch ( having asked if this is ok). As i said earlier some of the cafes we go to have something that ds will eat and so I will order that.

I really don't see why we shouldn't be able to go to cafes to meet friends or as a family, because ds's disability prevents him from eating the food on the menu.

MrsCosmopilite · 16/02/2014 12:41

Depends on whether there are dietary issues. I get really annoyed by the choice of foods available to children when we're out and about. It's mainly chips and burgers type stuff. DD is vegetarian, and doesn't like pasta. So it's either peanut butter on toast (which some places don't do), beans on toast or take our own food.

SirChenjin · 16/02/2014 12:44

It's not a human right to sit in a cafe?!

No, it's not enshrined in the European Convention of Human Rights, but I'm not aware of there being a law in any part of the UK which actually prevents you sitting in a cafe. In fact, cafe owners tend to welcome people into their cafes - and where they don't want people to eat any of their own food they usually put up signs to that effect. No need for anyone else to get involved.