to think that only people who worship Christ should have a church wedding or baptism

[HollyMiamiFLA]

And that those people who are not Christians but have a church wedding are just doing it because they want to be the centre of attention in a lovely white dress, to walk down the aisle with music playing and that all that stuff the vicar says about God etc is irrelevant because they don't actually believe it but they're going with the flow and it's traditional.

AIBU to think it's a facade - vicars go along with it because it keeps the church going, couples go along with it because it's tradition and they can ignore the religious stuff and true Christians probably get a bit annoyed but accept it?

Church is dull, to me, but then I'm not religious. Apart from the hymns, I love singing them! I went to a CofE school so still remember them.

I do know someone who said she'll get married in a church 'because its just what you do, isn't it?'.

Um...no. It isn't and doesn't have to be.

"I do know someone who said she'll get married in a church 'because its just what you do, isn't it?'."

And change her surname for the same reasons?

The fake Christian priests of Japan - a booming business.

DH agreed to dd being Christened although he doesn't believe. He agreed for my sake as I believe. I don't make the service very often due to work and my inability to be 2 places at once however I try to live by Christian values (fail regularly so try harder next time) and I pray at least once a day, usually more often.

I very much think the Vicars should welcome everybody and anybody to the church. It's not just about the money which is obviously useful for church upkeep. It's also about the Christian values of hospitality and spreading the word. Who knows some may decide to come back.

On the other hand I know people who never miss a service yet constantly act in a nasty, judgmental way towards others not remotely in the Christian spirit.

I very much believe in God, I just don't believe in Christianity.

Am I allowed to get married in a church in your opinion OP?

I was baptised and married in church. Later I had both DC baptised. I did all that because I truly believed there was a God and it was important to me to made my vows before God.

That was before I went on the Alpha course where I felt betrayed and cheated. I completely lost my faith and am now an atheist.

I think church weddings should only be for believers and if I could turn the clock back I would chose a civil wedding.

When I talk to my DD's about their dream weddings; DD1 would get married in a castle and DD2 would get married in the middle of an ice rink. That one is more likely but I told her she would have to find a registrar who can skate on to the middle of the ice too

No way would I get married in a church, DP & I are atheists & we wouldn't dream of it. To make vows to a god I don't believe in is odd. We also wouldn't want religious iconography in our photos.

Similarly my Dcs haven't been christened, because the point of a christening is to welcome them to Christianity & accept them into the family of the Church. Aren't promises also made on behalf of the baby that they will believe in Jesus & repent of their sins & that the christening marks the first step on the journey towards God? If you're not a practising Christian then why on earth would you want this to happen? Presents? A piss up?

Should my children wish to be christened when they are older & if they make that decisions themselves then I will support them, as I would if they decided to live as a Christian & adopt the teachings of the Bible. If its their choice then its their choice but it won't be foisted onto them by me.

I think people should be free to marry where they wish but I find it weird when they choose places of worship or faith that they are indifferent to.

woowoo

Well - a church is place of worship, and the service does talk about God. Would you want the Christian bits and reference to Jesus?

I remember around the time of the last census some christians were concerned that non church-goers chose to identify themselves as christian. "But they are only culturally christian" complained those who thought they were the true believers.

Thing is I am not offended by the term culturally christian. It fits me rather well; I was brought up as a CofE churchgoer, but began to have serious doubts about it during confirmation classes. There is a lot of CofE teaching that I do not believe, but I still respect the values and morality of the church, and have a loose belief in the holy spirit, if not in God as a deity.

My point is that while I am not a regular churchgoer I identify with some aspects of christian religion and chose to make my vows to my Husband as part of a christian ceremony.

Your OP sounds like would judge me and others with complex views on religion as not worthy. Whatever happened to Love Thy Neighbour?

Does it impact on your life in any way? No?

Well why do you care and who are you to judge?

I'm interested why people would get married and have a religious service if they are not religious.

Doesn't affect me. Just curious.

Lots of people have beliefs and spirituality but don't agree with and/or trust organised religion. I was baptised and went to church/Sunday school as a child (as did most of the children in the village, whether their parents were believers or not, this was in the eighties). I stopped going in my early teens and was never confirmed but grew up with the idea that I believed in God but struggled with some of the other aspects of the Christian belief system.

I met DH who had a fairly religious upbringing and it felt natural to have a church wedding as we wanted to be married "in the eyes of God". We moved house and started attending church fairly regularly. Initially this strengthened mu beliefs a bit and I certainly enjoyed the overwhelming sense of peace that a church service brings me. However, over time I have started to get frustrated over what I see as hypocrisy within the church. I was particularly annoyed at comments made by the vicar and several regulars about gay marriage and the humanist movement. I haven't been for a few months now because of this. However, I still believe in God and if I were getting married tomorrow I would want a church wedding.

Baptism is a bit different. We had DS1 baptised as at the time we were regular church goers and felt that we were able to make the promises to bring him up to know God etc. DC2 is due soon and I'm not sure how I feel about baptism. DH will want a baptism as he has more faith than me. He still attends church regularly with DS. I'm not sure I can make the promises this time around and keep them.

So to conclude my long ramble: church wedding - go for it, the more the merrier. Most who want this have at least some form of belief/spirituality and it is good for the church. Baptism: only if you can keep the promises and truly want to begin/continue your own Christian journey.

I got married in church even though I'm not religious or believe in God. Was lovely actually (looked much nicer then the registry office and held much more people and was a short walk from the knees up venue). Was probably my favourite part of the day and don't feel guilty one bit. The church has forced it's way in the past into people's lives without their permission and made itself very much part of the culture, they can't afford to be judgemental and picky.

I once listened to a sermon where he discussed the difference between Christianity and Churchianity. It really summed up how I feel.

I think it is really hypocritical to have a church wedding when you do not believe BUT on the other hand I like churches and they need the money.

Also people with religious parents HAVE to do it to keep the peace sometime.

Also good to keep your options open for being able to send your kids to a church or religion based school if that is the best option.

So a non married gay atheist couple who wants to send their child to the only school in the village which is a faith school might have a few issues

I am religious, although don't go to church regularly. We are bringing the children up as Christians. We were married in church and on the eve of the wedding at the rehearsal, the vicar told us he wouldn't be christening any children we may have, as we didn't go to church. So he was quite happy to marry us, a service which we had to pay about £500 for, but was not prepared to christen our children, a service which is generally done free to welcome the new children into the church. We got married and never went back. That vicar and his church can stuff off. We went to a neighbouring parish and the vicar was lovely and christened all our babies for us. When we go to church, it is always that one now, and we are made to feel far more welcome than when we used to go to the old one.

Well - a church is place of worship, and the service does talk about God. Would you want the Christian bits and reference to Jesus?

Reference to Jesus is fine, but tbh I object to being told that Jesus is the only way to God, so no, I wouldn't want that.

I've been to some church services that would be lovely, I've been to others that have made me feel uncomfortable and pissed off.

I think the Church of England should be there for everyone in England no matter what their beliefs are, but fwiw, we chose a civil marriage ceremony. I also object to the fact that no reference is allowed to be made to God in civil ceremonies.

brooncoo pretty much said what I wanted to.

I am definitely an atheist, no sitting on the fence here. But we got married in a lovely building in a lovely village, and it was very meaningful for us. Our daughter's memorial service and other two daughters' thanksgiving services were held there. All were the only services in the book for the past 15 years. The vicar who married us agreed that it is a lovely commodity for the village. Same vicar happily conducted my friend's humanist funeral, with no word of god, in the field next door. ??

OP, things aren't as simple as you'd like them to be. Just let people enjoy their celebrations in peace.

From some posters' viewpoint, you'd think this is an issue unique to Christianity or the CofE. If you believe every couple getting married in a synagogue in Israel are fervent followers of Judaism, then you are having a laugh.

Religious weddings are deeply ingrained in many cultures (including ours). It is what people do.

At least I haven't done the analysis of a wedding service. I know some people are uncomfortable when traditions are analyzed.

I am a committed Christian, I could not comprehend getting married without the religious element of the service. To say my wedding vows in anywhere but a church felt utterly wrong to me. I met and fell in love with a committed atheist. The thought of saying vows in a church felt wrong to him. What do couples in this situation do? In the end my lovely DH went with the church wedding as he knew it was important to me. He made his vows in a church he does not believe in, as a compromise to me. Hypocritical maybe, but what are 'mixed belief' couples meant to do otherwise? Or should I have just gone out and married a nice Christian boy instead??? BTW, our DC are baptised, and he stood at the font and made promises then too, because he knew how much it meant to me.

I also know someone who had never been in a church as a child, her OH wanted a church wedding, she had a 'road to Damascus' moment at the wedding and is now a very active Christian. Churches should not 'bar' anyone, there are many ways to find faith.

I am a committed atheist and find a lot of aspects of organised religion deeply revolting, but I had a church wedding.

Why? My elderly grandparents, who I am very close to, are very religious and wouldn't have seen a civil service in the same way. They played a big part in my upbringing and were very excited about my wedding.

And our local church is very beautiful and provided a stunning back drop to the photographs, so when we were looking at venues, we threw it into the mix alongside all the civil ceremony options nearby. The church came out cheaper than a lot of the other venues as well.

Given the tax breaks and public and charitable funding that churches receive, we viewed it as a civic amenity, just like a town hall. They have an legal obligation to conduct our ceremony, so why not?

The actual religious bit of the ceremony wasn't more than a few minutes long and we went along with it while obviously not buying into it, just like we went along with my dad misremembering a few family stories about me as a child. No one leapt to their feet and cried 'hypocrite' when he talked about how much I liked camping as a child while knowing I was about to go on a fancy honeymoon, just like no one had an issue with us being in a church.
It is all just part of the traditions of a British wedding.

I would feel incredibly silly acting as if I believed in god etc, especially in public.

Nevermind being a hypocrite.