to think that only people who worship Christ should have a church wedding or baptism

[HollyMiamiFLA]

And that those people who are not Christians but have a church wedding are just doing it because they want to be the centre of attention in a lovely white dress, to walk down the aisle with music playing and that all that stuff the vicar says about God etc is irrelevant because they don't actually believe it but they're going with the flow and it's traditional.

AIBU to think it's a facade - vicars go along with it because it keeps the church going, couples go along with it because it's tradition and they can ignore the religious stuff and true Christians probably get a bit annoyed but accept it?

Never heard of someone who is not a Muslim marrying in a mosque. Or a couple who are not Jewish marrying in a Jewish temple. Seems to really only be some Christian churches that allow such nonsense.

cakeinwine

Maybe a bit of honesty wouldn't go amiss. Have the wedding in the church without the religious bit. You can still talk about love etc.

Mention it's for life but it needs working at, it might fail. Explain that everyone needs to do their share of housework and childcare.

Yes that would make you a bit of a dick actually if you did that

I'm out, this is a pointless discussion.

And recommend Mumsnet as a source of advice when things aren't working.

Oh don't be so mean spirited OP!

And anyway, you don't have to actually believe in god to be a signed up member of the Church of England, you just have to be someone who thinks about believing in god.

which is why the CofE is the most radical and forward thinking Christian sect and the only one fit for the modern world

Who cares if it makes people happy and churches are keen to do it for the dosh? I'm sure a nice God, should she exist, would have far better things to worry about. People can make their own decisions about vows they are prepared to make and I would not underestimate the numbers of christian-lite folks about either, for whom the words may feel hugely meaningful even though they are not regular church-goers. Only about 6% of the UK population attend church regularly yet about 59% self-identified as Christian and lots more believe in a wishy washy version of a vaguely Christian God.

Yes, but that's not an option right now. So should no one get married at all until they change the civil marriage ceremony to add in the words "but it needs working at, it might fail, and everyone needs to do their share of housework and childcare"?

I sing sacred music because it is beautiful and part of my cultural heritage.

I gave my child christmas presents because christmas is a part of my cultural heritage.

I got married in church because I grew up part of the church which makes it my community as well as part of my cultural heritage.

Religion and culture are intermeshed. You can't separate them at all easily. In this country people with no faith are most heavily intertwined with CofE related cultural baggage.

You can't switch from a situation in which everyone was forced to attend church regardless of belief and in which church governed everything about social interactions and culture to one in which you pretend culture and religion are separate in under 50 years.....

Well - that's a whole new thread about marriage anyway.

I do see the point of Holly though.
If you were to get married at a catholic church, they would be asking you if you are baptised and, I think, if you have received the communion. They would ask you to complete a 'course' to get ready for the marriage forget that one person I knew who was doing that was also a cheater. The expectation that the marriage is something 'holly' and religious is much stronger than with the CoE (or the Methodists).

But it doesn't stop people from getting married in church, even though they aren't believer as such. They just moan about all the hoops you have to jump through to get there lol

Holly the mentioning love etc... and not putting the emphasis on God is exactly what our minister did. Did I say he was a lovely guy?

Another one who doesn't understand why non-Christians get married in a church or have their children christened!
I don't take part in any Muslim festivals or ceremonies.

Sounds lovely.

I do think you can do a really nice and meaningful service in a setting like a church. So the wedding has a meaning.

I think you can do it without God.

You might if you identified culturally with Islam but didn't have a strong belief though, HopeS01.

Are people really so stupid they don't understand the difference between participating in religious activities they grew up around as a child and participating in random religious activities they have never previously encountered?

SERIOUSLY??

Of course I wouldn't have gotten married in a mosque...I have never been in one. I spent 11 years in a cofe church 3 times a week...how DARE you suggest I have no right to get married there?

I don't think so, Acrylic. I'm a Christian so I'd find it difficult even if I "identified culturally"

Same thing for funerals.

I've been to 2 Catholic funerals. The people who died were strong believers and it was a nice service relevant to them. I was there but did not pray as I do not believe and that would make me a hypocrite.

I've been to a funeral in a crematorium. It was quick and lacked meaning.

I would like a funeral that had meaning but had no religious elements. Could it take place in a church or would that be hypocritical?

i refuse to believe that people can be so dense as to not even try to understand the link between religion and culture, belief in divine presence vs belief in the moral structure underpinning a religion etc.

you must, therefore, be trolling & i therefore won't bother contributing to this thread anymore

The reason that we did not get married in church was because the vows we would have made would have been lies, because they were referring to a God that we do not believe exists. We did not want our marriage to be based on a lie, it is too important to base it on truth. Simple IMO.

We would not have our children christened because, again, it would involve making promises in the knowledge that we were lying, how is that a basis for bringing up a child?

I would have no problem with either situation if I believed in God but did not attend church, because there would be sincerity behind the vows and promises made.

Ice, I don't think anyone is "daring" to suggest that you have no right to get married in a church, I just don't understand why you would IF you are not a Christian

Holly I've been to some beautiful Humanist funerals but all of them have been in a Crematorium. It's what I'm down for when I go.

I'm not trolling. I understand the culture bit. That makes sense - and it's just like Christmas.

I celebrate Christmas without mentioning Jesus or God.

Chemenger, yes!

Yanbu.
There are lots of other places for non believers to marry